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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peed off with hospital staff...bit long, sorry.

34 replies

MoreSpamThanGlam · 07/05/2009 19:53

I had to go to the clinical assessment unit (or whatever its called) today to have tests done on my heart because I have been having a lot of chest pain, pain in left arm and lots of other symptoms that are scaring the crap out of me.

Anyway - when I get there i notice a nurse that is a woman I know that I have a real issue with, she is a really nasty piece of work with no remorse for what she did at all. She smirks at me and wanders off with my file.

My heart is now racing and I am feeling really cross. So I ask the receptionist (very quietly and discreetly)if its possible for this nurse to not be in the room when I have my ecg as we have a bit of history and my heart is banging and it will give a "false reading". She said of course - no problem.

She then speaks to the senior nurse who glances up at me and then goes into the room. A young male nurse comes out and calls my name. I go with him to the room which is tiny and she is sitting at the computer with a smirk on her face. The male nurse asks me to go behind the little screen to get changed. I said I will not do it with her in the room. He then says she has every right to be there and if I dont like it I can get out and points to the already open door. A discussion had clearly taken place.

I walk out to the receptionist and said that I had been told to leave and I was not happy with their behaviour. That this situation would affect my results and my request was a reasonable one, and quite frankly, his rudeness and her smugness had made me feel worse.

At this point I was so cross I looked at her and said she was disgusting and she had ruined peoples lives and she knew it. I was shaking and crying - in no fit state to have an ecg or any other heart tests.

I walked out and a few min utes later the sister called and asked me to come back. I said I was in no fit state and would prefer another hospital. She said it was up to me, but that she would now ensure that I was away from this woman in another room.

My point is, was I being reasonable to ask her not to be there or to be seen by someone else? Was I being reasonable to get so upset and feel so humiliated?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/05/2009 19:55

what has this woman done ?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 07/05/2009 19:57

Hospital staff should be professional and not let personal stuff affect their work - but I don't think you were unreasonable to ask for a different nurse. Unless this woman was the only one qualified to use the equipment?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 07/05/2009 19:57

The male nurse was a fuckwit, btw.

3littlefrogs · 07/05/2009 19:58

Whatever the issue with the woman, the male nurse has behaved unprofessionally. Very badly handled IMO.

traceybath · 07/05/2009 19:59

All sounds very odd. Had this nurse upset you previously in a professional capacity or was it personal?

I think its fair enough to request you're not seen by someone you have history with.

AmpleBosom · 07/05/2009 20:00

You have every right to ask for another nurse and i think that your request was fair given that you felt her presence would affect the results of the tests.

So i think YANBU, sorry you had such an awful experience.

edam · 07/05/2009 20:02

You were entirely reasonable and the behaviour of the staff is appalling. I would complain to the head of department and contact PALS if I were you.

I once faced a similar situation but it was handled very differently. Was actually faced with the 'wrong' doctor by mistake - I'd made sure I was on the nurse's list but shitty doc was also working at the same outpatient clinic and called me in. I expressed surprise and said I was down to see nurse T, not him, and would prefer to see nurse T, thanks very much.

Shitty doc said 'oh, that's fine, I was just trying to get through the list'. I went out, two minutes later called in to see nurse T. Shitty doc didn't even ask why I didn't want to see him (shit obviously didn't remember me or what he'd done wrong).

I was quite shaken and ended up telling Nurse T all about it - had never made a complaint about shitty doc, as it happened, too distressing.

Thing is, when I objected, I was treated with respect and my request was acted upon. Same should have happened in your case.

Original poster
MoreSpamThanGlam · 07/05/2009 20:05

She wasnt even doing anything, she was just on the computer in the same tiny room as me...sahe really didnt have to be there at that point, just 10 minutes elsewhere in the dept.

Her dh was killed in a car accident and my friend "took her in" as she had no other friends at the school and her family had disowned her. She looked after her kids whilst she went out, made dinner for them, picked them up from school and was a saint in our eyes.

The woman in question then had an affair with her husband whilst she looked after her kids, and now refuses to let him see his kids unless they come to her house, which the children dont want to do. My frinds beautiful kids have been really traumatised by both the Dads behaviour and the womans behaviour (I know it takes 2). My friend in the meantime has almost lost her home whilst they live in a fabulous house. This woman showed no remorse and literally laughed in my friends face and smirks at us if she sees us out and about. my friend is quite timid and felt intimidated by her and never said anything, and I kept my mouth shut to keep the peace, but it didnt stop me wanting to wring her neck.

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 07/05/2009 20:08

Agree with edam.

welshbyrd · 07/05/2009 20:09

Id make a complaint to the hospital.

You are well within your rights not to strip off infront of someone who you quiet clearly have issues with

Very unprofessional of the male nurse to be quite so rude, id make a complaint not so much about your enemy, but the male nurse, and his attitude

Original poster
MoreSpamThanGlam · 07/05/2009 20:13

I dont want to make a complaint about her - in a professional capacity she did nothin g wrong except remain seated when I asked her to leave.

If I am honest there was clearly a bit of chemistry between the male nurse and this woman - she is very pretty and only 27. He obviously knew I didnt want her there and had taken it upon himself to "defend her honour" in some way and probably suggested she remain when I came in.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 07/05/2009 20:22

You seem to have calmed down a bit now, MoreSpamThanGlam; did you get the tests done?

trixymalixy · 07/05/2009 20:31

YANBU, if you didn't want to have someone you know outside the hospital in the room while you were having tests done then your wishes should have been respected whatever the history with this other woman.

I would complain if I were you.

Kimi · 07/05/2009 20:32

YANBU in the last.
I would complain if not about her about the male nurse who was very unprofessional.
I am so sorry this happened to your friend after she was kind enough to take in one of life's throw aways.. still sounds like her fuckwit EX is about to get a taste of his own medicen as I would put money on her boffing the male nurse

cheshirekitty · 07/05/2009 20:42

YANBU. You have a right to be treated with dignity and respect. This was not given to you. Write a letter to PALS.

dilemma456 · 07/05/2009 20:44

Message withdrawn

screamingabdab · 07/05/2009 20:47

YANBU. I have worked in the NHS in a clinical and administrative capacity and as others have said, this was not handled correctly. As a patient I also know how vulnerable even being in a hospital can make us feel.

Good luck!

mamadoc · 07/05/2009 21:10

YANBU- You don't have to have any special reason. For me just knowing a person socially whether I like them or not would be enough to not want them in the room whilst I take my top off and get wired up to a machine!

Numberfour · 07/05/2009 21:28

YANBU. how horrible for you! i hope that you do send in your complaint esp about male nurse and your needs not being respected - and then follow it up.

good luck.

Original poster
MoreSpamThanGlam · 07/05/2009 22:06

Thank you everyone. I have to go for the test next wednesday but she will still be there just not in my room, which is still stressing me considering what happened today. I feel like I am creeping back in some way - does that make sense?

I have someone that has said they will come with me, but still feel pretty uncomfortable about it to be really honest.

Am just trying to draft a letter to PALS and I sound a bit rambling Its hard to explain why I was so cross without explaining the history really, which I dont think should be relevant to the situation, it was just the fact I did not want her in the room.

Should I just go next Wednesday and send letter after? Or send it now?

OP posts:
chegirl · 07/05/2009 22:20

YANBU AT ALL.

If you have a reasonable reason not to want a particular HCP you should be listened to.

There are loads of reasons why someone might feel the way you do. Just knowing someone personally is good enough.

It sounds as if she was trying to make a point. God knows why someone like that wants to be in a caring profession

SerendipitousHarlot · 07/05/2009 22:22

Send what you wrote in your OP. It makes sense. Best of luck.

edam · 07/05/2009 22:54

agree with the harlot. (And that's not a phrase I ever thought I'd have cause to use! )

GothAnneGeddes · 08/05/2009 02:16

YANBU! Complain to PALS, especially about the fool male nurse.

GothAnneGeddes · 08/05/2009 02:17

In fact when I think of the crap patients and relatives get up to and staff still have to treat them and be nice to them, It just makes your treatment look even worse.