to be irked when a private school kid tells mine how MUCH better her school is...

[BernardsCat]

grr
And it aint necesarily so

did the child who said it mean better as in better facilities etc? which would more than likely be the case

I think it's simpler than that.

Some people just have a visceral reaction to the idea of children being segregated on the basis of their parents' bank balances, or selected/deselected because of their accent and social background.

I think it had something to do with right and wrong

corrie, I think it was the blanket statement that all private schools are better than all state schools - it just isn't true.

The hideous superiority of many privately educated children/adults is grating too!

I would be tickled to be told this by a child. I would quiz him about his school and ask funny questions to get little gems for future anecdotes

this is where i remember that AIBU does not mean:

"hey this funny thing happened to me today and it made me smile wryly and isnt worthy of serious discussion"

ahem

2 things, Greeny.
1st, this can apply to grammars and children getting a 'better' education by virtue of their intellect. Or even streaming in comprehensive school.

2nd, as adults this will be exactly the same. Some of society will always be excluded from living in various areas due to restrictions on finances.

I don't use the state sector but feel very strongly that it is my responsibility to pay for it. Not just bare bones either but good quality education. I teach in the state sector. I do not ever consider my kids as superior because we pay only because they're my kids.

why do you pay then?

and I agree about grammar schools, I would like those banned as well

dog
I love you

"Some people just have a visceral reaction to the idea of children being segregated on the basis of their parents' bank balances, or selected/deselected because of their accent and social background."

But that goes on anyway according to where you live. The most popular state schools are in areas where houses cost the most money. It could be cheaper to send your child privately than move to an area where there's a school you like. This is most obvious in bigger cities and really you can only consider what's 'right' or 'wrong' for your own child, that's what everyone does at the end of the day. Or maybe I can pat myself on the back for sending my children to a free school that happens to have a great reputation? Didn't take much effort but wow I'm so right!

Corrie - you might not get many answers to your question (although I see you have had a few) on this thread because you have veered off slightly from the OP. The OP was asking a wholly different question to yours, and the OP's question is, obviously, what shows in Active Convos and the Topic Lists.

You could always start a new thread. I should think you will get a variety of different perspectives if you did.

well my DD is at a private prep and i eventually had to stop seeing one of her friends because she and her mum just endlessly endlessly lectured me and DD about how much better her school was than DDs.

The experience of one child and one parent/school does not define everyone in those circumstance.
I think my childrens schools are the best for them.

But please continue with all private schools, parents and pupils are insensitive insufferable snobs

I am actually starting to get used to it

....and streaming/selection on the basis of intellect is not at all the same as streaming/selection on the basis of parents' financial status/social background/accent.

And I believe the idea of streaming/academic selection is that the brighter children don't get a "better" education than their more average peers, they get an education which is better tailored to their needs and abilities. Children don't have different educational needs because their parents are richer and they arrive at school in a Chelsea tractor clutching a briefcase. That is about the parents' perceived need to associate with "better" people.

Both systems of segregation are flawed IMO, but to say they are the same is ridiculous.

oh, it's yooooo who started it, cat.

You slinky dog

so because snobbery and social inequality are inherent in our society, we should inculcate a sense of social superiority in our children nice and early so they don't end up lumped in with the plebs?

Lovely attitude

my back if full of rolls as well, pag

Sorry I felt the thread had already gone off topic. I just find it odd how angry people get about it.

I pay for the facilities. The frills. Our school isn't some exclusive little prep. It's 70 odd acres of beauty. Amazing facilities and props and all that stuff. They bring everything tolife and I'ms till 'wow' at it all even now.

I also pay for smaller classes. 18 rather than 32. Wouldn't want 12 though.

I also pay for wraparound care which was not offered at the local state primary.

TBH,I don't give a shit about the backgrounds of the parents. I'm more than happy in the knowledge that a chunk of my fees goes towards bursaries.

Neither do I give a shit about exam results. I pay for the experience. I want them to love school and they do.

If I ever heard any crap from any of the 3 of them about being better than someone by virtue of their priviledges them they'd be in trouble. It's not how I bring them up and I think that's the point really. Just as likely to find snobbery at our local stste school with the yummy mummies in their 50k 4x4s driving 100m from their 900khouses.

Can I also just add something really important which gets very overlooked in these debates.

The vast majority of privately educated children in this country are not Eton like.

Their parents are not paying 30kpa and bringing them up in a bubble.

They do not speak with RP and carry a briefcase.

They do not have difficulty interacting with kids from state schools.

Most are day pupils from homes where parents work stupidly long hours. Yes,those parents are lucky to have the choice but it does not automatically make them snobs.

I am afraid youget these types of comments from all sorts of schools, not just private. It all depends on what they hear from home - but can also come from the school itself.

I have heard all manner of comments from state school pupils - dismissing other schools around them, etc. And not just fom the best schools either.

Isn't it an age old issue? I remember lots of the lcoal schools from when I grew uup having spats against one anoter over which school was best, etc. when in reality they were all much of a muchness.

I think a little bit of pride in your school s good. It is just ensuring the children know how to channel that and what is appropriate to say to others and wht isn't.

Oh joy - so this has turned into the old "private school is always bad" thread againt hen? I love all the stereotypical comments - on both sides oonce these get going!

The thing is there are different types of privately funded education. To lump them all in together is as nonsensical as lumping all the different types of state school in together.

The thing that I do think is true, and to answer corrie's question to a certain extent, is that a private education, of whatever type, generally means that you will have higher expectations career-wise and be more likely to walk into higher paid jobs because of your schooling.

Not because you are brighter, or better, but because your parents can afford to send you to that type of school.

Some fee paying schools are selective. Some you get into based on the good old class system/whether you are titled.

Either way, you are no brighter nor better than many children in the state system, yet by dint of birth/wealth you have a vastly higher likelihood of going on to run the country/go into a highly paid career/become a captain of industy/whatever.

And that is why people get pissed off.

DS goes to private school, used to go to state school for reception year. State school was supposedly good, but he was a way behind.

Friends in highly oversubscribed 'outstanding' state school looked envious when they realised how little their DCs were being stretched relative to their potential (in same year but not close to same level) in comparison.

That said, I'd give my son a slap if he said his school was better because it's private. It's not really a good way to make friends.

Have to say that my 7y doesn't have a clue that her school is private. She knows hers is girls only and some schools are for boys only and some mixed. But she has no idea that some schools are paid for and some are free to go to. I intend that to be the case as long as possible.

I think that's true to an extent. At my (private day school) the expectations were very high. Not going to university was not an option. On the other hand my husband went to a state school where careers advice was literally which factory they would go and work in. Of course you're not necessarily brighter to go to a private school but the environment is one of success. The flip side is those that do struggle academically can be forever made to feel substandard.

All schools should be helping to create an environment where children feel they can be someone who can add something valuable to society in whichever role they feel suits their abilities.

DH and i went to rival schools and even now we still have 'my school was better than your school' type conversations, both state schools. Its about having pride in your school and supporting your school, i think this is something that is getting lost, if more children took pride in their school and education then it could make a huge difference.