TO consider sending DS to a "Pirates and Princesses" birthday party dressed as a princess?

[ScarlettCrossbones]

It's another short notice one, and apart from the hassle of whipping up some sort of costume between now and the weekend, AIBU to think that to force 4-year-olds to choose between dressing up as a marauding murderer or a prissy pink fairytale female stereotype is just the thin end of the wedge?? They're only 5 FGS!

I think I won't tell DS, make some excuse and go to the park instead ...

Well?

Personally I LOVE pirates (Jason Isaacs as Hook mmmm!) but each to their own! Could he be a hero prince (can kill all the not very nice pirates if you want to sabotage the party? [bad mum emoticon]

Why do people insist on think that just because a little girl might like to put on a pink, sparkly princess frock they will become all simpering and prissy?

Have you never watched a little girl play whilst wearing such a dress? Almost every time I have it has not held them back on iota. I have seen them on the bouncy castle, down the slide, playing ball, running around noisly, chasing other children, even climbing climbing frames and the odd tree. I don;t think DD and her friends have been unusual in being able to still aprticipate and play normlly just cos they are wearing a long dress!

Personally I have no intention of "getting over myself" on the gender stereotyping issues.
If my dds want/insist to be princesses, then OK, if they must. But to me it's vitally important that

a) our children are encouraged to pursue their interests and ambitious and aptitudes irrespective of gendered expectations;

b) many children do NOT want to conform to the pink sparkly princess/macho dichotomy and can be made unhappy by this - they can feel they don't fit in if they don't like the expected activities and clothes. These children need encouragement that it's OK not to be exactly like all the other children of their gender.

c) princesses are just crap role models anyway. Not just sexist but royalist. and hierarchist. and classist, and passive victims of fate rather than agents of their own destiny.

You are making this waaaaay more of an issue than it is. If he wants to be a pirate, let him be a pirate. If he wants to be a princess, let him be a princess. As you say 'They're 5 FGS' We had boy and girl pirates, girl princes and a 2 year old boy princess at DDs party. Most importnatly the kids had FUN and the parents didn't stand around worrying about gender stereotyping or any other socially unnaceptable blah blah blah.

Fennel - I just think that we can ovethink things. I absolutely agree that
"our children are encouraged to pursue their interests and ambitious and aptitudes irrespective of gendered expectations;

b) many children do NOT want to conform to the pink sparkly princess/macho dichotomy and can be made unhappy by this - they can feel they don't fit in if they don't like the expected activities and clothes. These children need encouragement that it's OK not to be exactly like all the other children of their gender."

Like I said, we had girl pirates etc. We also had one girl in a princess dress, wellies and pirate face paint - she was fab!

My DS's both had loads of what people might call 'boy' toys as they wanted them but they also had a buggy, soft toys and people and would spend hours playing imaginative play in non gender-specific ways.

I think kids will do what they like but we shouldn't automatically think pink princesses are awful as long as they are encouraged to do loads of other stuff (tree climbing, painting, building etc )too.

My DS would have happily gone as a princess aged 4 - he loved all that silky fabric and getting loads of laughs from everyone.

Oh and I realise I have 2 DS's but think if I had daughters I'd feel the same.

I take your point, some princesses are lame...especially real ones. I'd have a search for some positive princess role models as well. Think there are some feisty ones in books now, there were some even when I was a kid.

Even the feisty ones - paper bag princess, little princess - are still freeloading on inherited and undeserved wealth and privilege, part of the system that oppresses the masses. Reinforced by military might directed against any who dissent.

Not things I'd encourage my dc to get into

ROFL! Now that is thinking it through than I did I admit!
Can we write a mumsnet book about a subversive princess who topples the system from within with the help of her proletariat friends? It could finish with the selling off grandma/Queen Mum's tiaras to fund eco warriors or suchlike rather than the sterotypical wedding? I could do with something to distract me from my dissertation...

Vinegar ? The Artist Formerly Known As Prince.

"Why do people insist on think that just because a little girl might like to put on a pink, sparkly princess frock they will become all simpering and prissy?"

Oh dear, Hulababy ? I started this thread with my tongue firmly wedged in my cheek, but I guess you don't all have webcams ...

I agree that some children can wear a sparkly pink frock without simpering and prissing. However, I think you're much more likely to simper and priss while encased in frills, and more likely to swashbuckle in a pirate costume. Clothes do constrict and encourage certain behaviours.

Am pleased to report that no daughter in the Fennel household has the first idea how to simper or priss. Even getting them to brush their hair or wash their faces is a battle.

There is no way id put my 5 year old son in a princess outfit, infact not a hope of me having a chance, there is nom way my son would wear one.

5yrs is abit past the buying your son a buggy when he"s 3, because all boys love pushing them at that age

He would be bullied and laughed at,

and no i dont mean that in a nasty way, but he has got to see these children everyday after this party.

Either dont dress him up, or get a cheap eye patch etc, or let him go in a different outfit he may have. Power rangers? spider man etc etc, then just explain to the mum that he loves this particular outfit

Personally i think you should be glad your kid has been invited to a party and has friends who wish to share their celebrations with him. I think not sending him because you don't like the theme is totally unreasonable.

Well said sassybeast! I had a pirate/princess themed party for my DD's 4th birthday. My DD went dressed as a pirate and 1 boy aged 4 came dressed as a princess! My DD's little boy friends love trying on her princess dresses when they come to play.

DD had a princes, princesses and fairies (her choice) party the other year and every boy who came chose to make fairy wings over a crown.

Pink fairy wings. Hurrah.

welshbyrd - I think that is really sad.

what if he wants to do something else that might cause him to be teased would you tell him not to and to just follow the crowd?

My DsS bf is a boy and he is 13, he likes knitting so brings it to school on the bus. He got ripped for it for ages but they have given up as he doesnt give a toss and why should he. The fact that he is so independ minded is imo fantastic.

YANBU. Let him wear what he wants.

dd2 had a pirates and princesses party once (think it was for her 5th party). Some kids didn't dress up. One boy wore his power rangers outfit which he wore to every party.

No one should care that much

Why shouldn't your ds go as a princess if he wants to. I've known 5 yr old boys come to parties in princess dresses or choose to dress up in them given the option - no one laughs at them IME.

Come to that, a friend's ds age 10 came to a recent 'L' themed party dressed as a 'Lady' in one of his female friends' dresses, and very nice he looked too. I think little (and not so little) boys are much more robust than they are often given credit for.

DD1 had a pirate and princess party, she went as a pirate. She originally wanted a pirate party (went to see Treasure Island and for about 2 weeks was priatemad!) then decided she also wanted to be a princess - of course after we'd got all the pirate invites out and sorted out her outfit - oh well.

Anyway one of her froiends brotheres came as a princess and very cute he looked too. however it was his choice, if your ds want to go as a princess fine, but he might not be happy about it.

And as for this gender stereotyping crap - get over it, its just what some kids do. DD1 is so bloody girly, i hated it at forst and thought how the hell have I managed to give birth to a girly girl, but even in all her pink finery she can still get stcuk in with the best of the boys

We had a pirate and wench's day at the local rugby club on Sunday.

Nearly all the males that dressed up dressed up as women. Half were the princessy type in full bridesmaid dresses and wigs, the other half were in piratey costumes a la Keira Knightly in POTC.

DH & BIL made excellent Wench's wigs included. Dont think a single boy there had the mick taken or anything - they chose to dress that way. They ranged from 4 to 64 in age.

Nephew had a book day at school a couple of years ago (he was about 8) and went as Little Red Riding Hood from memory. I know MIL has a photo up of him wig an' all.

Let him go in whatever he wants. Princess, Pirate or nothing. I should imagine the child who's birthday it is picked the theme - it seems to be a popular one at the moment.

Well, of course the rugby players sressed up as women...

DS (4) has both pirate and princess outfits. Given the choice he'd often rather be a pirate but thats partly because he gets more 'gear' - long velvet coat, big leather belt with silver coins, facepaint, proper hat with a feather, sword etc.
I'm not keen on the princess thing so that dress is called his dancing dress. He has happily worn the dress to variuos locations and on one memorable occasion both me and he went to B&Q attired in wellies, tshirts and tutu's.

If he got the invite I'd probably have told him he could dress up as a pirate or in his dnacing dress and then if anyone commented he'd have robustly said "not princess, princess is girlie, I'm a dancing butterfly fairy and I'm a boy"