Sorry - probably PMT but I feel like I need a rant. I'm feeling more and more taken for granted, and that dh never appreciates me/gives any thought to my needs/feelings, only criticises me when something "goes wrong"
DH and I both work full time. He's recently been promoted and is struggling a bit a work, so I try to cut him a bit of slack, and am generally "thoughtful" ie let him have a bit of breathing space when he gets home, cook his favourite dinner if he's had a bad day, make sure there is cold beer in the fridge, take dd to soft play when there's a big match on etc etc.
Plus I let him have his rant about the usual office crap, and try to either make useful suggestions, or just listen. I'm a nice supportive wife I like to think.
Housework aside (reasonably equal - though I do all shopping/cooking), I have to organise everything that happens in the house, or it wouldn't happen. From school dinner money to new passport applications, all the bills, dd's activities, school runs, babysitters, holidays etc.
I have to ask/remind/start a discussion to get him to do anything that is not on the "ordinary" list. Stuff gets done though, and as a whole I wouldn't be complaining.
But generally It is becoming more and more apparent to me that this "thoughtfulness" of mine is getting entirely one-sided.
In the morning, I have to rush to get out of the house. He usually oversees dd getting dressed, but only does half a job, so that when I finished grabbing lunch boxes/frantically getting myself ready, he'll be on the PC in his dressing gown and dd will be sat there needing her hair brushed, face washed, shoes etc.
Somenights he works late, but often recently when we get home, he is sat back at the PC playing World of Warcraft, whilst I get dd fed/ready for bed. Sometimes he stops and plays/watches tv with dd. Other nights he'll switch it off when his dinner is ready. Then he's usually got something lined up that he wants to watch on TV. He'll often start this why I am still in the kitchen, so even if I was interested I've missed half of it. He's supposed to let me know if he's working REALLY late, or popping to the pub after work which he does from time to time. He never bothers anymore.
Most weekends, when he gets up, he makes himself a coffee and loads up WOW. He then sits there til at least lunchtime. At least. If I was up first and on the PC checking emails or MNetting etc, I am expected to vacate. And " a cup of coffee would be nice, love". He has made me one cup of tea in the last month. When i complained that he wasn't pulling his weight on the tea making front, he just laughed it off. I still didn't get a cup of tea.
I usually try to get my jobs done first thing in the morning, shopping, tidying, ironing so that the afternoons can be for "fun". If I'm there he'll never knock up any breakfast, he waits for it to be offered, or he'll get something for himself.
When he's finished his morning stint on WOW, he will put some old clothes on, do his jobs for a hour or so, and guess what - then the bloody football is on. Back on PC for another 3 hour stint. This leaves no time for doing anything as a family. He never ever suggests doing anything. He is happy to sit in the house all weekend, without getting dressed properly even.
He never does anything spontaneous or thoughtful to me. It's our wdding anniversary coming up and Mother's Day on Sunday here. He has the dates loaded in one of those interflora reminder systems so that the same bunch of flowers gets delivered like clockwork. I don't mean to sound ungrateful about getting flowers, but it's like he doesn't even have to think about it or go to the shop, just input credit card, job done. He never bothers with a card. If we're going to go out to celebrate I have to organise it.
He moaned at me for "huffing" this morning. Says I have been doing it "all the time" recently. I expect I have, I am getting more and more pissed off. It wouldn't occur to him if to ask me if I am OK. Hence I cried in the car on the way to work/school. I know after last year, that even though I tell myself not to, I will be upset on Sunday morning, where absolutely no effort is made. I am probably spoiling for an argument now, and wanting to kick his arse. But of course there is more football on tonight.
Have I turned myself into a doormat, or is he a selfish git? Useful advice on how to handle this without a complete screaming argument would be much appreciated.
WOW that was long. Thnaks if you got through it. I feel a bit better now...