For worrying about the closeness of two pre-teens?

[MamaMeercat]

My two boys (10 and 8) have known my partners daughter (12)for around 6 months and have spent alot of time together.

However my eldest DS and his daughter have become really close and whilst it's nice that they're always together, I'm wondering if they're two young for me to be "concerned" about it?

My DS is very 'beyond his years' and acts a lot older than he is. Therefore I'm worrying that they're maybe becomming "too" close.

For instance, they have started locking themselves in her bedroom. The other night they were up there for hours making no noise or anything. DS2 eventually came down complaining that he had no one to play with as "DS1 was too busy snogging his girlfriend".

DP went up to check on them and found them lying side by side on the bed writing a story together. All innocent but DP told her to leave her door open in future. We then wondered if we were being ridiculous as they were only 10 and 12. If they were 13+ I would be very worried by now.

Another thing, in the car on the way home the other day, she started to feel a little ill ... I turned around to see her cuddled up to DS. I thought "aww sweet" but in the back of my mind I thought it was a little unusual. I then heard DS whisper to her "I thought you didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea ... actually, I shouldn't have said that" and she smacked him.

Am I over-reacting or should I keep an eye on things, despite their age?

10 and 12 isn't too young IMHO... i mean i've heard about girls getting PG at 12... so its not unheard of...

I'd say keep an eye on things if i were you, but at the same time dont get too hooked on it as you'll start seeing things that aren't actually there IYGWIM??

I don't think you're over-reacting

I don't think they're necessarily too young to worry about - if your DS is fairly old for 10, then they may well have feelings for each other. You need to think about what you'd be telling him if he was getting this close to any other girl - I assume he's had a fair amount of sex education either at home or school by now, but they both need to know what's acceptable and what's not, specially when you won't have as much control over when they can see each other!

I'd be tempted to say that unrelated boys and girls shouldn't be closing the bedroom door, and certainly not locking it, when it's clear they're not just kids any more, and before they've reached an age when you're not going to want to put the brakes on anything (which I'd say is 16+, certainly in my house!)

I don't think you're over reacting at all. i had a very intense relationship with the boy next door when i was 11 and he was 12 and it's certainly possible for a lot of strong emotions to be awakened at that age. not advisable!

I'd keep a gentle eye on them my steps were older and his son[16] and my daughter[14] became very close until when she was 16 they became a couple and lasted 5 years.When it ended the repercussions shook the family and it is only now that both are happily married with their own children that things are easy between them.

Me and Dp were like this our families were very close and we spent a lot of time together .

When we were about 11 and 12 we started holding hands and sometimes kissing we would always have a book open near us so we could say we were looking at something if anyone came in .

We were together on and off all through our teens but didn't actually do anything major until we were 17 .

We are together now and just hitting 30 .

I would keep an eye on it and make sure they have doors open yanbu .

YANBU or over reacting. Personally speaking even though they are not related it would make me feel very uncomfortable.

From my own personal POV, I was very close to a boy like this at that age and that really honestly was all it was. However all the adults around us got very paranoid and both of us took it really personally that nobody believed us. As it happened we were both just having a really crap time and looked at the other as the only person we could talk to. We did eventually have a relationship but on reflection I think it was more because we were 'expected' to than that was actually any chemistry!

I would be really, really careful about alienating your kids.

Is this a joke? Sorry, I would have thought it obvious that inappropriate contact is going on. I'd have a blunt but friendly talk to them both about it. Since they are not actually related, when they are a bit older, maybe it will be fine, but tell them to cool it for now.