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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have a party for ds?

51 replies

InternationalFlight · 04/05/2009 18:02

He really wants one but all the other parents are seemingly loaded and hire church halls and invite the entire class.

I don't know what to do...I'm not really friendly enough with them to ask anyone to help, either, so it would just be me and 30 kids.

Thought about having 5 or 6 of his little friends here instead, but same thing - how many kids can one adult safely deal with?

I'm rubbish at social stuff and don't know how to organise children or get them doing games etc - honestly it is like a foreign language to me.

Times like this I wish ds's father was still around.

OP posts:
Original poster
InternationalFlight · 04/05/2009 18:22

Water balloons good too...

Greeny - that does sound lovely. I'm a bit worired that nobody will come if it means bringing their own food etc, everyone else has laid everything on iyswim.

OP posts:
Numberfour · 04/05/2009 18:23

you could hire a bouncy castle, i think

if you get that there is not much need to do anything else!!
especially with the other outdoor things you have.

and don't don't don't waste time and money on party bags. they are the worst "invention" ever. some children now go to parties with the goddam party bag uppermost in in their minds.

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 04/05/2009 18:25

Numberfour and Welshbyrd thanks for that - it's a great thought about people accepting us as we are, but it still freaks the hell out of me as I am so antisocial and not really like them. (I probably have aspergers - waiting to get referral for dx)

I need to take the leap really for ds's sake, but it scares me silly.

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 04/05/2009 18:26

agree with everyone - you don't need a large party.
ds1's parties have all been a few friends at home (between 4 and 7) with games, tea, cake.
This first year (4th) I did races, the last two years (5th & 6th) I have just done games - most popular was bingo.
I do food - meatballs and pasta is usually fav, then finish off with a treasure hunt.

Greensneeze · 04/05/2009 18:27

I probably have AS too, ds1 has just been dxed and I'm considering it myself

I still break out in a cold sweat and can't sleep when I have people coming to my house, even if I've known them for ages. Parties are terrifying.

There are some great ideas here though! the garden olympics sounds cool Honestly, if you've got a bunch of kids in party clothes, a space for them to horse around in and some food, you will be FINE. It's never as gruesome as you expect it to be - and nobody will care about your house, I promise!

Laquitar · 04/05/2009 18:54

When i was at college and just started nannying i was happy to 'do parties' just for few pounds (and good references). it was a good opportunity to practise singing and playing party games [smiles] Could you ask a student or young nanny or a niece or neighboor to help?

Karam · 04/05/2009 18:54

If its the money you are worried about, then you can do some fab parties at home - One of the best parties I remember from my childhood was a pirate party - which was a garden party - dead cheap to do, but great fun!

We had little maps where we went searching for treasure (gold coins) in the garden and the best thing was my dad (perhaps you could con a friendly male into doing this for you??) into being a pirate and then we all chased him around the garden, before catching him and putting him in the stocks (simply tying him up would do) and throwing wet sponges at him. Throw in a few more party games and a bit of free play and tea and bob's your uncle! All it will cost you is the price of the food and the gold coins / treasure (which could double up as party bag treats, if you save it to near the end of the party)

Cheap, but I bet the kids would enjoy it! Summer garden parties are just the best (but unfortunately, I have november children!)

Parties don't have to be expensive - just let your imagination run wild and rope in lots of adult help!
HTH

helpYOUiWILL · 04/05/2009 18:54

havent read the thread (sorry), but do you have a local cinema that does a sat/sun showing for £1 each?? He could take a friend or two (and you could take a goody bag each - drink, sweets etc - keeps costs down!!), and then a fast food place for lunch after?

also do you have tesco clubcard vouchers? a friend of mine cashed in some and had a bowling party really cheap.

or.. - am on a role now!!

tesco vouchers again - and look at days out they offer really cheaply.

moocowmrs · 04/05/2009 19:12

Just a thought but what about asking them to meet you in the park to play, have a picnic cake, take squash and plastic cups, cheap bubbles to take home from the £ shop. Take a ball to play games. On the invite ask them to join you in park so that other parents realise that you are expecting a bit of help and expecting them to stay for a while !

pointydog · 04/05/2009 19:24

YANBU

You can book big parties where someone else does most of the work/entertaining but if you've no money for it, then don't do it. Maybe save up for a big one another time.

What is your budget? Could you take 6 for a bowling party and all teh entertaining is done for you?

piscesmoon · 04/05/2009 19:24

I think the DC likes a smaller party anyway-if people want huge whole class parties it doesn't mean that others are obliged to do the same. There is no way I would do it, even if I had lots of money. I think moocowmrs has a good idea.

katiestar · 04/05/2009 19:25

We've had lots of parties where we've invited 5 or 6 kids and they've just played in the garden ,and in the child's bedroom.Maybe lay on one or 2 party games (which they won't be that bothered about playing - they'll be more interested in your DS's toys.Make the party really short 1.5 hours and ask a couple of the mums if they will come too.

pointydog · 04/05/2009 19:26

just caught up - sorry, I was repeatin gothers.

yes, use garden. Get water balloons, water guns, things where they can amuse each other.

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 04/05/2009 19:36

thanks for all the fab ideas guys. I'm glad I asked, wasn't expecting people to understand - maybe our school is very competitive, they might all be trying to outdo each other!

I love the pirate idea, wish my lovely friend was here still, he came to visit a couple of weeks ago - he'd be a great pirate but only see him about once a year.

Greeny, gosh we sound a bit similar! Have you taken the AQ? I got 47 which was a bit

This morning took ds to another party and when I went to get him, all the mums were sitting around chatting, it would be like my worst nightmare to have to do that for 2 hours...not that they're not nice people, but having to chat, oh I don't know, well it doesn't come naturally. I can prob cope better with the children than the grown ups..!

Am going to have a brainstorm tonight and come up with a plan. Thanks everyone you have really helped.

OP posts:
sayithowitis · 04/05/2009 23:02

Party in the garden sounds good. Instead of party bags, could you organise a couple of games, a treasure hunt etc and then give them a bag each to fill with the treasure they find/win? For food, how about supplying rolls/bread whatever and fillings and letting them make their own? A bit messy but so much fun for the kids! I am sure you will find other parents will be willing to help supervise.

Divineintervention · 04/05/2009 23:15

I took my six yr old and five friends bowling, they loved it. If you go after school some places have offers during the week, one game is enough and the food is cheap (very junky but it's only once).

Alternatively there's always cinema or cheap cinema (at home with popcorn).

Finally I wouldn't care about competing with parents I would just think about what your son would like. Although I usually do the massive party thing with entertainers and so on I can honestly say no it made little difference to my dcs how much I spent or how many children came. All they care about is cake and balloons.

Divineintervention · 04/05/2009 23:18

Another cheap idea, get some pots and seeds. Paint the pots (in the garden) and then take seeds and pot home as a party gift. Other grden and water ideas are great. You could barbeque their own kebab???

TheFallenMadonna · 04/05/2009 23:24

For ds's 7th birthday we took two of his friends to the zoo. We had a picnic with cake and party food. It was lovely.

TheFallenMadonna · 04/05/2009 23:24

We took DS too, in case that wasn't clear...

Pawslikepaddington · 04/05/2009 23:25

I had this problem with dd-she is at state school, but a very affluent state school, so we had the price dilemma. In the end I invited her three best friends, went into school, said to the teacher that I was unable to host a big party so could she keep the invites hush hush, and did a party in the garden. We made bouncy balls, decorated biscuits and buns (biggest hit of the day!), I did two treasure hunts and they danced to music. The parents stayed without me having to ask as they saw I was on my own, and it was the best party we have had or been to. The children are so much closer because it was so intimate, yet at the same time there was no "I'm going to paws's party and you're not", as there weren't enough children coming to make it an issue. Small parties rock!!

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 04/05/2009 23:26

Ds went to a party last month that seemed fantastic. Just boys, on a park playing games, then they walked back to the families house for pizza. It was loads of fun, didn't cost them alot.

ChippingIn · 04/05/2009 23:28

InternationalFlight - take a deep breath!! It wont be as bad as you imagine it will

The parents around here all seemed uber loaded and competitive until I got to know them - then realised most of them are actually quite nice, quite normal people, living in quite 'normal' houses (some are 'renovating' too ). Most of them do hire a hall and entertainment, but it's not to be competitive or because they are loaded - it's simply because they cannot be arsed doing it themselves and would rather pay - last year they were in awe of us having LO's party at home. This year we are hiring a hall/entertainer, but only because LO really, really wants to have one 'like the others', so as we can, we are... even though I think after the event she will look back and prefer the party she had last year (kids! LOL).

I would definitely go with the Pirate Party in the back garden, treasure hunt, flags/parrots/treasure they can selotape to the climbing frame, water bombs etc (Put on the invites that the kids need to bring a change of clothes!!).

Personally (and especially if you aren't socially confident), taking half a dozen kids out anywhere, is daunting, let alone kids you don't know (so have no idea what their behaviour will be like!!). I'd be worried about one of them running off if I didn't already know them .

Have a few games up your sleeve (pass the parcel (we put a small packet of evil Haribo between each layer and a small pressie inside), pin the parrot on the pirate (get DS to help make the pirate), treasure hunt etc. But, to be honest, they mostly want to be left alone to play!

Buy pirate paper plates, cups & napkins - squash, cocktail sausages, crisps, cherry tomatoes, grapes, a few small sammies (or as sayithowitis said rolls to make themselves)and some ice cream - job done Oh and if the budget can stretch to it, some wine/beer for the adults

Personally I think you should do a party bag, they can be very cheap, but kids love them. Even if you just put a balloon, chocolate coins and a small 50p gift in it with a piece of the cake, kids love to take them home.

Also, if you are happy to have the parents leave, put it on the invite so they know that!! Time: 11 - 1pm (please feel free to drop and run!!). Some parents will stay anyway - put them to work!

starfishnebula · 04/05/2009 23:29

We've done the church hall and entertainer thing precisely because we are utterly crap not all that great with kids and social stuff ourselves and also have a tiny garden. It did cost us but we didn't at all think of it as being a 'better' party than other kinds - just different and a lot easier for us! I'm really jealous of and feel completely outclassed by the sorts of parents who do amazingly creative things for smaller number of kids in their own house and garden - whatever you do don't start thinking a big party is some kind of big achievement! Same goes for numbers - it's easy to scale up with an entertainer and hall because it doesn't add any significant extra cost - it's not necessarily a more fun party though - I think kids would be bored by going to nothing but the magician kind of party, the original ones done at home can be much better!

DandyLioness · 04/05/2009 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

zipzap · 05/05/2009 00:58

just a quick cautionary note - there was that horrible case a while back of problems on a bouncy castle where a bigger kid got on and hurt a little kid and the parents of the party hadn't got insurance so ended up losing lots of money that was awarded to the little hurt kid in court in compensation... sorry, bit of a garbled recollection, am sure someone here will remember the details much better than me.

but, in this litigious age - not to mention all the fab ideas on the rest of the thread, wouldn't bother with a bouncy castle!