in thinking that sometimes, just sometimes, it takes you completely flipping out to make the kids sit up and take notice?

[AphroditeInHerNightie]

dons flame-proof suit

right, we've had a hellish morning. Both dcs woke up in grumpy moods, sniping at each other. Neither one has taken a blind bit of notice when told not to do something, at times defiantly doing the forbidden deed as I looked on. DS has regressed in his potty-training, DD is just being a stroppy madam, complaining about everything. She even cried and told me I was being unfair about suggesting a picnic on the beach (wtf???).
After two refused breakfasts, one of which ended up all over the floor, I conceded and went upstairs to get dressed. I came back down, all of 2 minutes later to find the downstairs bathroom sink overflowing and DS gleefully splashing in the puddles. (by the way, he is 3, she's 7).
Well, I'm not proud to admit it, but I lost it totally, screaming at them both so loud that my throat hurt.
Time out ensued, the two of them on seperate stairs, me in the bathroom sobbing.
When it had all settled down we had a calm chat about it all. And I have to report that, ever since, their behaviour has been exemplary - they even tried - and ate - foods for lunch that they normally refuse. And the potty's back in use, too.
I am aware that I may have scared the little devils into submission, but is it such a bad thing ....really?!

I once smashed a melamine plate down on the hob and screamed "I have had enough of you two, I am sick, sick, sick of the bickering"

DS whispered to DD," I think she's cross, I think she means it"

I have been hoarse many a time after screaming at them all the way to school in the car, and then filled with remorse all the way home thinking how awful, if something had happened to any of us the last thing they would have heard was me screaming at them. So I used to utter a very hoarse, always remember, mummy loves you, as they got out of the car, just in case.

They are well balanced adults now, but still remember the plate smashing - they think it is the only time I got cross!

YANBU

Sometimes it's the only thing that really works! I can only surmise that those who advocate a gentle explanation as to why they shouldn't fight all day long/complain that they never get anything/hit each other/cheek me/moan constantly either don't have children, or have a live-in nanny who looks after their children in a nursery in the attic.

Sometimes they just push and push and push. Gah, I have only got ONE kid and occasionally lose it.

My Mum is an excellent Mum and I can remember when we had pushed her too far and she snapped.

Flipper outer here as well. My more spectacular flip outs involved opening the bedroom window and throwing all of the toys which they refused to tidy up out in the rain.

Oh - and hoovering up some puzzle pieces which I had asked them to put away about 15 times. That caused mass hysteria but now as soon as the hoover is switched on, they jump into action.

DH is normally pretty laid back but in the middle of one hellish journey when they were possessed by the devil and had been warned repeatedly, he pulled over onto the hard shoulder, got out of the car and started walking away Can laugh now but even 'I' was shocked.

I sometimes wonder how my mum managed to discipline - I seem to remember that if mum said 'jump', the response was generally 'how high'.

Country has gone to pot I say - bloomin kids!

my teenager came as close to being murdered yesterday as she ever has.
she was asked to take her little sister to the park for 20mins (park is opposite the house-I was cooking and it was literally to get baby out from under my feet for 20mins while i did lunch as dp was painting front door so couldn't watch her)
she threw an utter fucking wobbly (she does literally nothing to help out at all,no pots,no ironing,no housework,no veg peeling,no washing-she very occasionally makes a cup of tea) anyway,threw massive wobbler-went to park.
Came back-refused to come on the afternoon out that i had planned for us.
So.The bonus day that i got to spend with my family was spent yelling and screeching at the eldest daughter then i lay sobbing downstairs on couch while she sobbed upstairs on her bed.
I am now doing nothing for her as she's opted out of the family-i've opted out of being her mother-she can do what she likes and i am saying nothing to her about anything. This morning she was most surprised to find that i'd not ironed her uniform or made her packed lunch-why would i? she's on b&b i hate it but have to make my point in some way and there isn't any other way i can see right now Do i make her her tea tonight or leave it on the side for he to cook herself?

How old is she Sleepless? IF she is 14+ I would say a full 24 hrs of you doing nothing would get the point across well enough!

Sleepless - no, don't make her tea, but call a family meeting (they always strike fear into the heart of my DC's!) and tell her calmly that as she is not doing anything to help you, then you cannot do anything to help her; however, you don't think that's a helpful or nice way to live as a family, so can you come to an arrangement by which she does X Y and Z for you and in return you'll do A B and C for her? Of course, if it's anything like my house, she'll (maybe) stick to the agreement for a couple of days and then go back to normal

Why do we have children?

mine were ironing their uniforms at 10.

i think you do too much and she does shit all.

do a rota

make her feel usefull and teach her some life skills ffs.

Sleepless, I'd be very tempted to let her cook her own tea, then do her own washing.

YANBU

This book describes the situation PERFECTLY. My kids love it. And understand it.

www.amazon.co.uk/When-Mum-Turned-into-Monster/dp/0006645194

she's 14 and a half and is a good kid on the whole. She is doing well at school etc etc but genuinely seems to be taking the piss-she has no respect for me or my belongings and i feel that this weekend could have been quite nice (we let her do her thing with her friends really on the proviso that she joined in with us on the monday) we were only nipping into town to a festival thing and there was some leonardo da vinci's exhib at the gallery which takes literally ten minutes(that has now finished so we can't go another time)and then we were going out for dinner-i also promised her a whizz round Primarni for some bits and bobs-what's not to like?
She is so spoiled sometimes and i personally am finding it really hard to make everyone happy (partner had to jack his job in to move here from london when i got pregnant-he's now living 200 miles from what was his dream job music journalist and all his friends, baby is great, teenager has occasional 'tantrums' the one this weekend coincided with the 2 year anniversary of dp moving up here-i am so annoyed with her still)

YANBU. (Mine are 4,6 and 10)I call family meetings,seems to calm things down a bit. I have also been known to lock myself in the conservatory (after shouting myself hoarse)and refuse to come out to cook tea/ do anything for anyone,until all the fighting/bickering etc has stopped. Usually works. I am sane most of the time....honest

At 14 I'd do nothing for her for at least two whole days, and frankly longer. But then to my shame I've been that 14 year old and I was exactly the type of child that would cut off my own nose to spite my face You may need reserves of patience you never knew you had, to wait her out.

But she's plenty, plenty old enough to cook her own tea, put a load of washing on and iron it, so do not give in! I suspect the key is to do the whole calm and collected thing - it's not about the yelling at her, just an unflappable calm in the face of her increasing realisation that she's just stuffed up the best things she ever had going. This used to enrage me when my mum did it, but the calmness and inaction is the very key to it - I'd seen all the shouting before but this was new, this was serious and my god it worked once I realised she wasn't budging!

sleepless - the leonardo thing was pretty dull so you haven't missed out!

YANBU op, I think kids need to realise that in rl you can't push people to far or else they explode.

That said I know with my DCs the more I get stressed out the naughtier they get

pretty regular flipper outer here - hoarse throat and all.

def not being unreasonable at all - we all do it!

My kids listen when i flip out, am afraid though once situation calms down, so does thier hearing again

Its nice to have a moan, but really in the end is doesnt work