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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like sodding off and doing somehting nice for ME today? In the light of DD saying to me this morning...

19 replies

fruitbeard · 04/05/2009 09:28

Mummy, you're my servant.

I told her I was no such thing, she said

Yes you are, you cook and you clean (? when did she see me doing that??) and you bring me and Daddy food and you wash my clothes, you're my servant!

I know she's only 4, but would it be entirely unreasonable to take a book and go sit in the nearest coffee shop all day and let her and DH get on with it? Servant???

OP posts:

TheArmadillo · 04/05/2009 09:30

grab the book and head out the door.

TheProvincialLady · 04/05/2009 09:33

No, stay and make her load the washing machine with her own clothes, tidy her room etc [mean]

GentleOtter · 04/05/2009 09:33

I totally sympathise with you, fruitbeard as I was told similar yesterday when asking the family what my purpose was and the answer was "You are here to work"....

Go for the book/coffee option and enjoy every minute.

DunderMifflin · 04/05/2009 09:35

Ooh - how horrible! GO!!

SammyK · 04/05/2009 09:35

hmm YANBU

you may want to adopt mine and DP's favourite phrase of the week 'I'm a parent not a servant'

then make her work hard all day

I know she is only little but do you get her to help around the house? I am of the start em young brigade, DS does what he can as does his big brothers.

Original poster

fruitbeard · 04/05/2009 09:36

pmsl @ TheProvincialLady, I have been trying to get her to tidy her room all weekend, not even the threat of a cancelled playdate has spurred her into action, apparently it's 'too difficult'... grrr....

I have 2 books I got for Christmas I haven't even looked at yet... and a pocketful of change after yesterday's trip to Ally Pally funfair - Coffee Republic here I come!

OP posts:

Original poster

fruitbeard · 04/05/2009 09:38

And for you, Gentleotter. Nice to know where we stand in the scheme of things, isn't it?

OP posts:

GentleOtter · 04/05/2009 09:39

Am livid today but have a lot to do...planning an away day on Wednesday though to this place

SammyK · 04/05/2009 09:50

At four you need to break it down for her "tidy your room" is hard for a 4 year old. Potter about in the next room and say right first put your books on the shelf, well done, now your toys in the box, etc. I hope that doesnt sound patronising, as I really dont mean it to be. If you can get her to do stuff, even doing little things she may then appreciate the big things you do.

Why not do a family rota with little jobs for all of you during the week, and somewhere/soething nice on a saturday if the family chores are done? Kind of a family reward chart.

G for that coffee and have a nice away day on Wednesday.

KiwiKat · 04/05/2009 10:03

When we walk in the front door at night, DS, nearly 3, takes his shoes off and puts them on his shoe rack, takes his coat off and puts it on the pram. That's about the extent of his chores at home, other than helping pick up his toys, but when I went to his nursery to pick him up early on Friday, I was hugely impressed to see the children, when they'd finished their meal, take their plates from the table, scrape the remains into a bucket and then stack the plates and put the cutlery into another pot. I've realised that they do what they are taught is normal, so come next week, DS will be hoovering, polishing and cleaning the oven ...

Morloth · 04/05/2009 10:06

"Yes you are, you cook and you clean (? when did she see me doing that??) and you bring me and Daddy food and you wash my clothes, you're my servant!"

Hah, in our house the word for the person who does that is BOSS. What is that saying? "If Mumma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". I will do all that stuff, but you bet your arse there had better be regular flowers, hugs, kisses, weekends away and general worship - what can I say? I am HIGH maintenance.

Don't let that slide. Definitely let her know how you feel about it and withdraw labour for a bit.

Gentleotter, after a comment like the work one I wouldn't be organising day's out for a while, after all that isn't what you are there for is it?

GentleOtter · 04/05/2009 10:29

Not for them Morloth, but quite fancy dipping my toes in the Ocean of Self for the day.
That tea room is amazing. It is like a fairy tale inside, all witches and pirates and nothing but chocolate on the menu plus a big log fire.

Bathsheba · 04/05/2009 10:41

The answer to her initial point was "No darling, I do these things because I love you, not because I'm your servant. If I was your servant I'd have to do them - its diffrent because I choose to do them, because I love you and Daddy"...

And turn it in to a positive reinforcement for her...and a positive reinforcement for yourself too.

Original poster

fruitbeard · 04/05/2009 12:23

Ooh, GentleOtter, if I could get on a flight I'd be there! Looks wonderful...

Well, we tidied her room together whilst DH did the lounge and the house now looks halfway presentable, so am a bit happier (DH also gave her a stern word or two regarding the 'servant' business - although I could tell he was phsl...).

And now we're off out for the rest of the day - yes, Morloth, I am expecting lots of nice things!

OP posts:

Stayingsunnygirl · 04/05/2009 12:31

How about telling her that if you are her servant, then that means she should be paying you - then present her with an invoice!!

Or alternatively you could take a quick look at this thread, and treat her to a reading of the Riot Act.

MoominMymbleandMy · 04/05/2009 12:37

Servants get paid....perhaps slave would be more accurate.

Though that does make nonsense of my frequent cries of: "I am not your slave!"

Perhaps I protest too much.

Mumcentreplus · 04/05/2009 12:52

[email protected] and me both!

I say make her do some chores...then ask her whos the servant!

Mumcentreplus · 04/05/2009 12:53

or of course you could go with Baths positive spin

pagwatch · 04/05/2009 12:56

You should be having time when you sod off and do what you want regardless of how your DD talks to you.
I do.
I have coffes in town,afternoons by the river and days away at spas etc etc.

I wouldn't care that my DD thought I was her servant. I would be horrified if she thought thats what all women grow up to do

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