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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for one more week 'special' leave?

18 replies

mosschops30 · 03/05/2009 20:16

I phoned in work last Monday and told my boss that I couldnt come in to work as my dad had attempted suicide and I was away at my parents (200 miles away).
He was very sympathetic and said, fine no problem, take the week as special leave.
I tried to phone him on Wednesday and Thursday but he wasnt in and I didnt want to speak to anyone else.
Then this weekend we've had some drama (although maybe not to bad) with regards to my nuchal and blood tests (am 13 wks pg) which has left me mostly in tears.

I just have things I want to deal with at home like phoning the hospital and speaking to consultant about dad and also my consultant about bloods etc.
I cant imagine concentrating on admitting patients into theatre and putting their minds at rest, let alone learning all the new skills I am trying to aquire (have only been in post 2 months and still supernumery). But I also dont want to take the piss out of my fantastic manager.

WWYD, I know I cant stay off indefinately, and things probably wont improve in a week. Maybe it'll be worse if I stay off I dont know.
Would you take another week or just go an get on with it?

OP posts:
IheartNY · 03/05/2009 20:20

Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time.
To be honest though, I'd go back to work if things arent likely to improve drastically in a week.
If you stay off another week it will be even harder to go back then, plus will make things awkward at work if they are relying on you being there.
Take adeep breath and dive back in!

janek · 03/05/2009 20:25

you are right, you can't stay off forever, but at the same time it is not professional to go into work so emotionally fragile that you are in danger of bursting into tears all the time, especially if part of your job is to reassure fragile people. so i would stay at home, sort out everything you need to and then go back.

it is very bad luck to have had two crises in consecutive weeks, but surely your manager will understand that.

i hope your blood tests turn out okay and your dad's problems are sorted too. x.

KingCanuteIAm · 03/05/2009 20:27

I agree with IheartNY, this stuff is not going to go away any time soon and you are going to have to start dealing eith it all and working at some point. Perhaps yu could go back, explain the situation to the Manager and ask if you could arrive at work a couple of hours late one morning so you can make the calls you need to etc. I would expect they will be pleased that you are making your job a priority rather than trading on their good nature.

Sorry things are so tough at the moment

Technofairy · 03/05/2009 20:31

I agree with IheartNY but as a manager too I would want you to be ready to come back and have your mind on your job.

Why don't you just take one more day, if you feel you need it, to speak to both consultants in the privacy of your home and get yourself as ready to return as you can be?

I wouldn't have a problem with that if you worked for me. I'm sure your manager will be fine if you make clear that there are lose ends (so to speak) that you need to sort and that you will be back the next day.

I hope things get better for you.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 03/05/2009 20:31

I know what youre saying, and I dont want to take the piss, but I am training to be an anaesthetic nurse and part of my job is to reassure patients, support them, deal with idiot anaesthetists (not all but some) and emotionally I dont feel equipt for that right now.
Oh and I am supernumery so no one needs to fill in for me, I am being trained.

OP posts:
Original poster
mosschops30 · 03/05/2009 20:32

thanks techno, I have tomorrow off anyway with it being BH. Maybe I can go in late on Tuesday or have it off. I am only working tues/weds/fri this week because of the BH

OP posts:
pollywobbledoodle · 03/05/2009 20:33

discuss it with your boss(when you get a chance), they might not want you to go in if they/you feel you are not in a fit state to work......

my boss (NHS, Psychiatry) got me to take time off after MC and after dads death saying that i couldn't be expected to focus on other peoples issues (suicise/ abortion dilemmas) in my state of mind....had worked there for longer than you though.....hard if you are new but if you need time , you just need it

Original poster
mosschops30 · 03/05/2009 20:48

but I doubt he'll be in until tuesday, which means Id have to not go in and then ring him.

The thought of either having to be cheerful, or worse, having to explain why Im so tearful is awful

OP posts:
Original poster
mosschops30 · 04/05/2009 14:44

have phoned today but he's not there.

ds woke up at 6am and then spent the next 5 hours vomiting all over my bed.
The hospital are not feeding my dad and my psychotic sister is deciding whether to come down based on whether its likely she'll get any money anytime soon

So Im just waiting for the house to fall down/dh's other woman to turn up/dd to tell me she's pg at 13/for one or all of us to contract swine flu, before I finally lose the plot

OP posts:
pollywobbledoodle · 04/05/2009 21:04

poor you, you really have got your hands full, haven't you?
hope you manage to get hold of him tomorrow....don't see the point of trying to put on a happy face with so much crap going on

lisad123 · 04/05/2009 21:09

i wouldnt go in, trust me you will know when you are ready to go. I went in too early after dh dx and couldt consentrate at all, was taking calls from macmilllian nurse, GP and insurance, was all too much. I went back 2 weeks ago when things had settled down alot and enjoying the distraction. Feel better soon, stay strong and do whatever you need to, too feel better ((hugs))

Hulababy · 04/05/2009 21:20

I think you should go and see your GP. Chances are he will sign you off for a little while.

sayithowitis · 04/05/2009 23:09

Moss, I agree with Hulababy. Go and see GP. I would be very surprised if he didn't sign you off for a while. It may not be what you want, but it sounds as though it is what you need at the moment. It is unfortunate about work, but sometimes these things happen together. At least if you have a certificate, no-one is going to accuse you of swinging the lead.

Why aren't the hospital feeding your Dad? Is that his choice or theirs? I know how hard it is when someone you love decides that their life is not worth living. Thankfully for our family, it all worked out well, but sometimes it still hits us.

Thinking of you.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 05/05/2009 10:20

thank you for your kind words

I managed to get hold of my boss this morning who IMHO should win a 'boss of the year' award. He didnt want to know details, said that I needed to take care of myself and my family and that family should always come before work. He said he's taking me off the rota for the rest of the week and that I should see my GP and not to worry about work at all. I cant tell you how much it meant to have one less thing to worry about.

However the morning hasnt got any better. My sisters boyfriend has been phoning my mum and calling her allsorts down the phone demanding she tell my sister whats going on (obviously so that she doesnt have to make a 2 hour trip unecessarily, the pair of twats). Then the hosp phoned my mum and said the consultant would like to speak to my mum tomorrow and that she needs to take someone with her, which of course sent her into overtime with worry.
I have now spoken to the ward sister who said he just wants to discuss the way forward, what they are doing about treating him or not and what plans they have.
I cannot go tomorrow unless I drive up and back in a day because I have no childcare on Thursday (typical) so I have asked the consultant to ring me later to discuss, then I can make a proper decision as to whether I do a 6 hour round trip, whilst stressed and pg to support mum (which of course I want to do)

They are not feeding him because in 1992 he had a living will written up, sayng he didnt want any medical intervention etc etc. However what disturbs me is that he';s taken his parkinsons medication for 10 years, so clearly he has wanted some life. But they are giving him his medication which confuses me, because you either give meds, food and fluid, or you just give fluid like a care pathway. The sister said they are giving him meds to see if he wakes up then he can decide whether to eat, although after being non responsive now for over a week how likely that is I dont know.

Sorry Ive gone on, this has turned into a bit of a venting for me

OP posts:
sayithowitis · 05/05/2009 10:53

Glad your boss was understanding. make sure you get to the GP and get that certificate.
I have no advice for you about your dad, just to let you know that I really hope it all works out for you all.

Does you mum have number recognition or an answer phone so she can monitor who is phoning before answering? It won't stop your idiot BIL, but it might give your mum a break from it.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 05/05/2009 11:23

yes she does, but despite me telling her numerous times to wait until we leave her a message or to remind her that all her friends, family and the hospital have her mobile, she still picked up to me this morning when it would have said 'number witheld'.

Sometimes I want to give up talking!

Am seriously considering a spa day tomorrow, somewhere I cannot be reached and can just be quiet and relaxed, my friend suggested it and although I wont 'enjoy' it, the thought of escaping is nice

OP posts:
sayithowitis · 05/05/2009 14:54

Sounds familiar! ( My mum can be just like that!)

Spa day sounds great. And you never know, you might find you do enjoy it when you get there. I hope so.
Look after yourself.

pollywobbledoodle · 05/05/2009 20:31

glad the work bit sorted for now

spa day sounds good.....sometimes a space to let your thoughts just float a bit helps to see things differently

don't know if it helps with regard to sister and mum but when i was at the end of my tether with MIL and BIL winding each other up, i was reminded by a friend that you can only make suggestions to adults, you can't make them behave in a way that seems sensible to you, so say your piece then let it go

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