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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think it's ok and lovely that my male friend loves to watch the kids play outside?

19 replies

LolaTheShowgirl · 03/05/2009 10:56

I don't know the kids, but they're always out playing on the green outside my home and whenever said friend comes over, we open the window and take in the beautiful view but we love to watch the kids playing too and he says children playing are lovely to watch. Someone else said he was strange

OP posts:
southeastastra · 03/05/2009 11:02

of course it's ok!

my dad tells me he sometimes gets strange looks at the park until people realise my son is with him.

RaspberryBlower · 03/05/2009 11:03

I don't think it's strange for men to like children.

LissyGlitter · 03/05/2009 11:07

Watching kids play is fine! People who think it is weird obviously either have something dodgy in thier past or some odd ideas themselves about kids!

edam · 03/05/2009 11:42

That kind of comment is very sad. I like watching kids play, are men supposed to be immune from taking an interest in smaller human beings?

junglist1 · 03/05/2009 11:42

It's ok as long as he doesn't have a combover and isn't sweaty

Nancy66 · 03/05/2009 11:48

God I feel so sorry for men sometimes when it comes to being around kids.

Last summer my neighbour's little girl - who was three at the time was in her paddling pool and nude. My partner was in the garden reading the paper - she was squealing and giggling, so he lowered the paper to look and smiled at her. Then he panicked and thought he'd probably be labelled a paedo and came into the house because he was worried!

ChippingIn · 03/05/2009 11:55

Nancy66 - sad isn't it.

A little while ago I was out with LO (about 19 months at the time) and she went up to a man (in his 60's I'd say, but very Grandaddy looking) and she was chatting away and his face lit up so I didn't drag her away like I sometimes have to (LOL), she wanted to be up on his knee and he asked me if it was ok (first sign of our sad times) and was delighted when I said it was fine, we sat and chatted for a while and he was saying how he loves children and misses when his were young (and there's no sign of Grandchildren) and that sometimes he used to sit in the park and watch/listen to them playing, but got so upset at getting so many disapproving looks and comments that he no longer goes... I wanted to adopt him.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 03/05/2009 12:01

of course it's ok. It is so sad that we live in a world where such thoughts even cross our minds.

I wish men weren't so demonised in our society. Children miss out because of it.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 03/05/2009 12:03

oh and what struck me is you said the TWO of you enjoy doing this but only he is considered strange.

So, so sad. I really would have challenged the person who said that.

"We were BOTH enjoying watching them, do you think I am strange too?"

Hasakane · 03/05/2009 12:10

Message withdrawn

LolaTheShowgirl · 03/05/2009 12:39

Thanks for your replies. Brilliant post Hasakane........"Men can be such a source of warmth and nurturing too, and especially with little boys it gives them strong role models of how to be tender and gentle yet also a 'big man' who can fix a lawn mower with them and other such masculine arcane mysteries." but so sad for your dad. He sounds like a fantastic grandad!

OP posts:
LadyAga · 03/05/2009 13:41

Has brought a tear to my eye reading some of these posts... it is very sad

But you cannot blame people for wanting to protect their children. The people who are causing this break-down, paranoia and suspicion are the paedo's and perverts that want to harm other people and children.

LadyAga · 03/05/2009 13:43

ps, I don't his behaviour is strange at all. I think it's rather lovely considering the amount of people out there who think children are a nuisance.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 03/05/2009 13:48

Actually, imo, the people who are causing all this, are the journos, who would have you believe there is a dirty pervert hiding in every bush, when in fact, a child is at most risk from a relative or other adult known to and trusted by the parents. The risk of a stranger doing anything to your child is beyond tiny. you've no more chance of being assaulted by a stranger than your gran had when she was a girl! And how free were kids back then, eh?

Difference now - media. They do love a good headline.

Children are mostly abused by a parent, step parent, uncle, cousin.....not by a bloke sitting on a bench in the park.

FAQinglovely · 03/05/2009 13:51

the sad thing is that by "protecting" their children in my opinion they are making their children miss out on something that is sadly lacking in this day and age, a sense of community and being a friendly member of society.

The one thing I hate about this street i've recently moved to is that no-one ever talks to each other.

Little old lady a few houses down did see me on the street a few weeks ago and introduce herself, but everyone else is very insular and I find it very .

I remember growing up, admittedly in a smallish, steel mine viillage, where we would, as children, walk down the street and people (adults) would say hello, smile, have a conversation. Of course we were aware of "stranger danger" and all of that, but we knew that it was OK to talk to people as long as we follow the simple rules on strangers.

There's an elderly(ish) well probably 60's(?) man who walks his dog every morning along the way we walk to school. He always smiles and says hello, and I encourage my children to smile and say hello back. But the amount of parents I see walking along that bit where he always is walking his little dog that rush past him without even acknoowledging him presence is sad.

I think it creates fear and paranoia which, while we/our children should be alert to the dangers, means that they miss out on a wonderful part of life.

LadyAga · 03/05/2009 13:59

I understand why you feel that way Hecates.

It is true that most sexual offenders are known to the victim, ever heard of grooming?

And sadly play areas, schools and swimming baths are very popular with the paedo's as they can get titillation from watching the kids.

Yes the children were free back then, but just because it wasn't reported doesn't mean it didnt go on just as much today as it did then.

JeffVadar · 03/05/2009 15:17

I remember the late, great John Peel saying that he loved watching children in playgrounds, but didn't dare to do it any more!

I think it's really tragic that we have come to this. I haven't even noticed that it has reduced the number of children being harmed either!

edam · 03/05/2009 17:17

My mother says the difference today is that people have become aware of just how much child abuse there is. When I was little, in the 70s, they knew it went on but thought it was very rare.

Doesn't excuse hysteria or people being ridiculously suspicious of perfectly innocent men, of course.

mumeeee · 03/05/2009 17:19

It's not strange.

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