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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want a whinge about my bitchy colleagues? Rant about yours here!

14 replies

LolaTheShowgirl · 02/05/2009 22:34

I work in a small team of 6 within my office. We are a close-knit group, and regularly go on meals out together. They have all known each other for over 10 years as they have been at that company for that long and I am the newbie. Been there just over a year.

Women working together are bound to slag others off. All these colleagues are over 35. Most in their 50's, bar myself and one other who is 36, so they're not bitchy teenagers. Two of them in particular are close and slag others off when they're together all the time.

Yesterday I went in on my shift. Both these women were on together and they mustn't have heard me come in the door. They both had their backs to the door and one of them said "That Lola/Layla is always messing up, int she. She's really thick as pig shit and Sandra (boss of our dept - one of 6 collegues) was really pissed off at her this time, she blew her top..." and then as she saw me went really quiet, and for a second they both stared at me, shocked. They obviously hadn't heard me come in. Now a colleague and I have very similar sounding names. She is Layla and I am Lola. I know she was definately talking about one of us but I couldn't quite catch which name she said. I have been nice as pie to the pair of them today, but I know to watch my back in future, at least,

OP posts:

Peridot30 · 02/05/2009 23:04

With women working together there is always bitching going to happen. Where i work the majority of us get on however when this one girl is working she seems to split the staff all up and the bitching starts. When she is not there everyone gets on great. THe only problem is she is the boss's pet and sooks up his all the time. I tend to just ignore it but do believe that what goes around comes around.

In your position i would just ask them outright who they were bitching about.

tigerdriver · 02/05/2009 23:07

well if it's any comfort men can be just as bad, especially the passive aggressive, little boy confused types. Not that I work with any like that of course

mrsmaidamess · 02/05/2009 23:10

I work with a couple of women who 'cast a long shadow' shall we say.

It's like they have a black cloud over their head all the time, sucking the life and fun out of any room they enter.

Rialentless · 02/05/2009 23:14

tis the little-bit-of-power mad that I hate. Am so glad to be back to being at home with my boys. No job is worth how they made me feel

GreenPenguin · 02/05/2009 23:25

Don't get drawn in! Rise above it all, then go home.

Sorrento · 02/05/2009 23:44

I worked with an utter loon a few years ago I genuinely thought camera's would burst into our office at any moment with Ant and Dec telling us we'd been great contestants

thumbwitch · 02/05/2009 23:52

mrsmaidamess, I have a friend who worked with a woman like that - in the end my friend retired early because this woman made her life a living hell at work. Telling lies about her, bitching about her to anyone who would listen; she divided the workforce into those who agreed with her and those who didn't and before she worked there, everyone was very harmonious and got on with my friend no problem.

The whole thing went to court for harassment, I believe - and still, despite my friend being vindicated, some of the shit this poisonous bitch had been spreading around stuck to my friend.

For grown women to behave like ignorant schoolchildren is appalling imo.

themoon66 · 02/05/2009 23:54

Bitches never win... give em enough rope and they hang themselves eventually.

Play the long game.

Ninkynork · 02/05/2009 23:55

mrsmaidamess are you describing a school office / staffroom? There are many Dementors to be found in such places

My fav colleague told me that I was so thin that if I were her daughter she'd have me sectioned. She was working for pin-money with grown children whilst I was trying to hold down a teaching job with a drug-addled work-shy violent husband, a three-month old baby and OFSTED in that week. Lovely lady

BigGitNotYourAverageBlokeDad · 02/05/2009 23:56

Approach the boss direct and say what you heard and ask him/her if they are concerned about your work and if not explain why you are worried ie office gossip.
You have to stand up for yourself in this situation. I work in a small office and it does get intense and you do have to stand up for yourself at times.

thumbwitch · 02/05/2009 23:57

ooooh, ninkynork - I don't know about mrsmaidamess, but the situation I described was a school office of sorts...

chegirl · 03/05/2009 00:13

URGH!

I have recently returned to work after a long and difficult break. I was sort of forced back because of needing the money.

The thing I was nost worried about? Lack of skills, meeting new people, getting a job that paid well? Nope the thing that was freaking me out most was having to deal with office bitching and whinging. I just do not have the capacity to tolerate it anymore. I couldnt imagine a job that wouldnt have this sort of thing going on.

I have found a lovely job and its seems great so far. We are all part time and in and out on visits so I think this helps. I have sworn to myself if it does occour I will NOT wade in and get busy get sucked in.

So YANBU
As MissMaid said some people just seem to suck all the positivity out of room.

Notalone · 03/05/2009 00:51

I used to work in an HQ for a large bank. I started off working in a lovely team but then because of childcare I changed my hours and had to move teams. This new team was mainly women and three of them made me life hell despite hardly knowing me. Their favourite trick was to leave me out of group emails for team nights out and then deny said emails going out or denying involvement when it was obvious it was them. Still, what goes around comes around as the main bitch colleague got demoted onto a lower demand team and then our manager confided in me that this was the worse team for bitchiness she had ever encountered and it wasn't my fault at all. They were just nasty people.. This knocked my confidence for years though and I was wary of meeting new people for a few years after for fear of the same thing happenning. Some people just have sad miserable lives and brighten them up by being generally horrible people

Notalone · 03/05/2009 00:53

Sorry - this posted before it was supposed to.

Lola - carry on with what you are doing. Smile sweetly and refuse to be drawn into it. Just be aware that you cannot trust these women and get on with your job. Easier said than done but bully's like this thrive on attention and drama. If they are getting none then you win. Good luck

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