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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed of with dh for going to rugby...

16 replies

maqrollelgaviero · 02/05/2009 15:31

Background: good friend is 36 weeks pg with baby 2, her husband is working away, her mum and dad live abroad. She phones at midnight to say she thinks she is in labour, would I be prepared to come to her house and stay with her dc1. She phones again at 1 to say she needs to go to hospital as she thinks this is it. I go to hers, take her to hospital which is only 5 mins away and go back to look after her dc. She calls at 2 to say she is being transferred over to the big hospital and can I care for dc until her mum gets over on sat night. I get up at 6.30 with 2yr old and bring her to my house to join my 2 boys.

Dh has plans to go to a rugby match in London (about 2 hrs away) kick off 2.30pm. I ask him to hold off leaving til 11ish so I can make sure all is well, organize kids and take my friend some books, snacks etc as she gave birth all alone. He refuses as he is meeting friends but puts off leaving til 10.15am.

All is good, friend is good, kids are behaving.

Friends dc's granny cannot get here until 11pm so I ask dh to come straight home so I he can look after our kids while I take the little one home and hand over to granny. He says he will try but I don't really trust him as he will be quite drunk.

A neighbour is organised to collect the child from me after tea and take her home to bed. I text dh and say don't worry about coming back early all has been sorted. He gets the wife of a mate to ring me from the pub to say he's too drunk to call (in moment of great comedy and laughing in background). I say hi, can't talk the baby is crying and hang up furious.

AIBU to think it is the height of fuckwittery to get someone else to ring as he thinks I'm cross and that in general he has been a bit selfish?

Oh and before the whole mercy dash thing he kept harping on that I could have come too, god alone knows where he thinks our kids would have got to as we have no family within a 3 hrs drive!

OP posts:
harleyd · 02/05/2009 15:38

yabu to be pissed off he went to the rugby

but he's a twat for getting someone else to ring you

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 02/05/2009 15:38

When he said you could have come who did he think was going to look after the dc's

Is he selfish - hmm....guess he had the tickets and the day out planned already so probably not selfish. You sound pissed off with the way your day has turned out though.

He certainly could have shown some empathy by saying "sorry you're having a tiring time, guess it doesn't help me having a great one".

Well done you for providing your friend with all the support though, you sound fantastic

maqrollelgaviero · 02/05/2009 15:53

Yes, I know I'm being a bit U. It was the mate ringing from pub that did it!

It's just that he works away in the week and often is away for months and I am always the childcare and I want a day off!

(stamps feet in huff emoticon!)

OP posts:
Jaypickle · 02/05/2009 15:57

YABU at him going, but so not YANBU at the mate ringing, I'd kill him for that one, would make me feel like they are sitting in the pub laughing at me....

Lukesmammy · 02/05/2009 18:48

I think my dh is at the same rugby game as your dh and I have been stamping my feet all day cos I wanted to go too but like you have no bloody childcare options!!

YANBU - somebody else ringing me would have peed me off too!

maqrollelgaviero · 03/05/2009 08:14

Lukesmammy- they do live in their own special world in that job don't they!

I was being a bit of a cow as I was jealous of all the fun...I did get him up to wash the cats bum this morning though, why should I have all the domestic fun eh?

OP posts:
ChippyMinton · 03/05/2009 08:55

Well done you for being such a good friend. But YAB a tiny bit U to expect your DH to drop his plans to back up your arrangement, as he didn't volunteer to help the friend.

Now you need to get on the phone to your gilfriends and arrange a weekend away and have some fun. Agree the dates with your DH and book it, so he is committed to looking after your DC.

And as you have boys, look forward to long Saturday afternoons of peace & quiet when they are all off doing sporty things.

maqrollelgaviero · 03/05/2009 09:07

but she is his mate's wife and the only reason dh didn't deploy with her dh is that he is injured. Tbh I wouldn't have wanted to cancel completely just go later than planned.

Am over empathising as I had ds when he was away and am blatently BU. Good job I moaned here and wasn't a cowbag to him!

OP posts:
ABetaDad · 03/05/2009 09:16

YABU. Why should your DH mess up his long planned day at the rugby just because your friend is having a baby? Why is your friend not better organised rather than dumping the entire problem on you?

So DH got drunk , that is what people do when they go out with their mates to rugby matches. I don't suppose it happens every weekend?

Surely the person who should be annoyed here is your friend about her DH who is away and the grandma who could not make it until 11 p.m. It is not exactly as if her family is putting themselves out here but your DH is being expected to drop everything for another man's baby.

ABetaDad · 03/05/2009 09:18

x posted.

CapnScurvySeaWitch · 03/05/2009 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

gardeningmum05 · 03/05/2009 14:56

Totally agree with abetadad.
i know she is your friend, but she and her DH should of planned it themselves. you seem to have enough on your plate without shouldering other peoples responsibilities.
as for your DH, when he gets in make it quite plain that tomorrow is your day, AND STICK TO IT!!

gardeningmum05 · 03/05/2009 14:58

seawitch...is there such a man that can go out to the rugby on a planned trip with his mates and curb his drinking
in my experiance they turn into 4 year olds in a chocolate factory

maqrollelgaviero · 03/05/2009 15:34

Her dh is forces, my dh is forces she had planned for her mum to fly here in 4 weeks time around her due date not expecting baby to be 4 weeks early, her lovely childminder who was lined up to babysit in the event was away for the bank hol weekend as baby was not expected for a month. Not her fault, emergency situation. It's easy to make watertight plans when ones partner is more available and you don't have to trail about the country with work and necessarily live hours from all your family and in laws.

I am BU she was not at all and all turned out well in the end. Most definately me moaning in a light hearted way and not her at all, she has done a bloody fabulous job this weekend!

OP posts:
gardeningmum05 · 03/05/2009 15:35

so have you!
take tomorow off

maqrollelgaviero · 03/05/2009 15:41

Have sent boys and daddy off to buy more food for the pooey cat!

Am on the iPod in the garden in the sun. Yay!

I also get to squeeze a lovely brand new baby tomorrow. My strop is most definately over ...

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