in expecting a little support from dh?

[milkysallgone]

I have had a horrid past coulple of days with the dcs (4 &2). Both are being really trying at the moment with tantrums etc. Yesterday was a killer, as they both had major meltdowns at some point with dd being paticularly violent towards me (but that's a whole other thread!).

Dh got home last night and I was on the edge of sanity and feeling very stressed and exhausted. So this morning we went to the park where we usually play tennis while they ride around on their bikes etc. Dd was being really whingey and annoying so I told dh that there was no point trying to play and that we should just head straight down to the play equipment.

Cue huge strop from dh; ranting about how they ruin everything and he's never doing anything with them again blah blah blah. I told him that I was feeling low after yesterday and that I really need him to put on a brave face this weekend; all his negativity was just adding to it.

It sometimes feels like having a teenager not a husband. he can't seem to accept that kids are kids - everything has to be the end of the world iyswim? So now after skulking round the park like a child, he is ignoring all of us and refusing to go to visit (overnight) his grandmother as we had planned.

He does need to grow up and accept 50% of the parenting responsibility. Children reflect our behaviour, it can't be helping him acting like this. He's annoyed because he couldn't play tennis, what about everyone else's time being spoiled when he refuses to do what was planned?

And at 'they ruin everything', did they hear that? What an awful thing to say about your children, can't have made them feel very good.

It must be difficult for you dealing with them a lot then him having a strop about their behaviour instead of helping. Especially as you sady dd is violent towards you, surely he needs to unite with you to nip that in the bud.

for you. Maybe you could pick a time when you are both calm and dicuss these issues. Things often seem better when there's a 'plan of action'...

Hope he stops sulking soon. My dh sulked once when we were about to go in town for a really silly reason, I went without him and left him looking after ds! He soon appologised when I got back, I won't accept childish behaviour!

Thanks dalrymps. You know yesterday he was really patient, and we have had a lot of heart to hearts and talk a lot about how to solve any issues with dcs behaviour etc; but it's like he has a default setting where every so often he can't help reverting back to childish and angry behaviour.

I just feel so at the moment and could do with help not bad tempered people.

I think your husband needs a swift kick up the arse a sit down chat with you cos he should be supporting you not acting like the 3rd child.

I hope they never heard his comment about 'they ruin everything' thats horrible.

Ah, I see, so he's a goody most of the time. Maybe this default setting is just his response to stress then. My dh is a bit the same, he can be ridiculous sometimes (i'm not perfect myself!). Maybe he just felt a bit out of control and stressed out like you did but this time instead talking it through he had to let off some steam.

I know how you feel, maybe a little gentle persuasion out of his bad mood will do the trick? You know, like, i'm sorry the mornig didn't go to plan but lets not let it spoil the whole weekend? blah blah blah.

Hopefully he'll stop being silly and come round...

Go without him.

He was lying in bed and I said I was going to go to my parents for a couple of days. We've just had a huge row and he's left. I feel like shit, God how did this happen?? My poor babies shouldn't have to deal with this. CAn't stop crying now

Oh dear, i'm sure it can be resolved. You've both been stressed and it just seems to have escalated...

Has he taken his mobile? Maybe wait half an hour for him to calm down then try and text him?

Sorry he's stormed off. If her refuses to be reasonable and stop sulking then maybe you should just go without him.

This is what happens when the stress gets too much, don't cry. Can you still go to your parents? Were you planning on going on your own?

I think you need to have a break. Call your parents and see what they suggest.

Has he called you yet? I agree that you should go to your parents for a day or so,at least that way you can have a couple of hrs off duty

Maybe send him a text or voicemail saying you are both stressed & need to pull together as a couple.

My P is like this. My 2 were acting up on the train and he went and sat well away from us because he was embarrased. He might be stressed, yes, but you are the one who deals with it all day to day so you adapt better to it, and understand children don't always fit into what we want. He needs to forget the strops and realise a partnership should be just that. The last thing you need is a burden now, if your DC's are trying your patience you need all your reserves to deal with that. Don't worry though, it will all sort itself out.

Just read this thread, I think you do need some support atm and if your dh is unable to provide it now Why not go to someone who can look after you and help you.
Go to your parents or a friends or anyone who can help you bring yourself together enough to cope with his arsey behaviour.
He will need to grow up and also have the dcs on his own to deal with them some more.
Hope you have had a good night and if you have'nt got the support yet go do it now.

Thank you so much for your kind replies. He came back after about an hour! I was so relieved.

I think we both def need a break, but the main thing is we are talking about things and are determined to help each other get through what is a bit of a rough parenting patch.

Thanks again

So pleased it's all working out