To think this kid is jealous of DS?

[MyMyBabyBlue]

DS (10) has had re-occuring problems with bullying since he started school. Reason being that he stands out quite a bit and is completely himself at all times, even when it makes him unpopular (like saying he hates football and prefers chess).

Anyway as he's grown older the other kids have started to see that it's actually quite cool to be an individual and as he is also quite high up in karate, his confidence is great and he is completely happy with who he is. The kids leave him alone these days.

One kid however has never quite let it go. He is supposed to be one of DS's best friends, they have been to each others houses for tea etc and most of the time he is ok with DS but sometimes he just turns on him. We get comments such as:

"Our house is better than yours"
"Our TV is bigger than yours"
"We have much more money than you do"
"My mum spends more on me than yours does with you"
"My mum spends more time with me that yours does"
"Our holidays are better than yours, I would HATE to go to florida, can't think of anymore more crap"

etc etc etc...

The lad is obviously insecure, his homelife is not great.

Anyway a few months ago the class did a performance for the school. Most of the kids just got up and did a poem. DS got up and performed a full on rock song on his own. The kids laughed as it was so OTT but he was the one who they all wanted an encore from and the teacher said to him (within earshot of the other boy) "when you're rich and famous ... and you will be ... remember me"

The boy gave DS hell for an entire week calling him a "faggit" "spaz" "freak" "girl" etc etc

It died down eventually.

But recently they have been working on a play. The boy tried for the main part (solo singing) and DS was chosen for it (to be fair, he usually is so I can see why the other lad got pissed off). The bullying has started up again.

And today, the play was performed, DS really shone, everyone was commenting on how rare it was to see a boy so unconcerned with what people thought. The other boy was fuming. I have just read an msn convo between the two of them:

DS: Hi
boy: fuck off
ds: what's wrong now?
Boy: I hate you and never want to speak to you again. faggit freak.
ds: sigh ok, your loss

Am I being mean in saying that the lad is just jealous of DS and its nothing DS should worry about?

yes it does sound like jealousy and your ds seems to be handling it perfectly

however it does grate when the same kids are always choen for school productions, no excuse for bullying though

It doesn't look to me as if your DS is worrying about it, from the MSN conversation.

yes, it's nothing he should worry about.

sounds like your ds is a lovely, confident, individual little boy - hopefully it will just wash over him

Agree with other posters

Your DS sounds like he can handle himself just fine.

sounds like your son is handling it just fine.

Feel sorry for the other lad, tbh. It's not a nice feeling - jealousy.

Agree with everyone else. It does sound like jealousy, and I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest.

Your son sounds very sorted - and it doesn't sound like he perceives himself as being bullied, so I don't think you have much to worry about.

I'm not sure why you are posting this.
Is your son upset?

Pointy, is your boast-ometer going off? Mine is.

We are supposed to be making admiring noises I think pointy

Ah, thought so.

Your son sounds wonderful OP. The other child sounds dreadful and should be burned.

Is that the sort of thing?

yes georgie

(liked your fathe rted comment on other thread)

This is all my son is fab, my son is fab. Maybe he is bigheaded and it gets up this other boys nose. My dd had a 'friend' like this who loved rubbing her nose in it about always getting lead parts in plays. How do you know your ds isn't doing the same.

Pardon my asking, but is it possible that your ds is a tiny bit insufferable? Some people do seem to exude almost illegal levels of "confidence"...

Ok, so I've read your side of the story. but unfortunately can't see the other side or your sons for that matter.
It's wonderful that your ds is talented, individual and confident.
Is he empathetic though? could he be coming across as over confident or even smug and that's why this boy is upset?
I don't condone bullying btw but you need to make sure your ds is mindful of the feelings of others

x posts...

As your son is so cool and handling it well what are your concerns and what do you want to achieve?

...looks like YOU are not handling it too well.

Maybe you could reach out and comfort or talk through issues with this child (afterall he is your sons BF, and does have not a good home life) talk to him gently -- give some adult direction and leadship ..then you would all win.

It sounds as if your DS is handling it very well on his own-I wouldn't worry about it.

Is it bullying if the recipient doesn't mind?

wb Good point. I don't think so

I'm with pointy and georgie. Does sound a teeny bit like you are boasting..

I'm not boasting, there is alot of stuff my DS cannot do of course! he can't play football (would fall over trying), he can't run, he can't write as he's left handed and it goes all over the place ... like I say to him some people are good at some stuff, others are better at different things. Nobody is good at everything. The other boy has a great maths head for instance.

And my son DOES mind the bullying (and that is what it is), he doesn't understand why he does it.

I do feel sorry for the other kid too but its hard to be sympathetic sometimes when its your own DC he's hurting.

Is he actually hurting your DS? He sounds rather pathetic and I doubt he has much following from the other DCs.