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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a wee bit hurt that DD thinks I'm really not pretty.

47 replies

muggglewump · 01/05/2009 17:19

I'd have put this in chat, but I love this topic and I think it gets more views.

Anyway, DD and I were doing our monthly speech bubbles on the F1 magazine (we make the drivers we don't like say they smell/are rubbish and the like) and I had put a bubble round Kimi (Raikkonnen, he's like my dream man) saying he loved me.
DD said "as if, he'd never look at you".

Now of course she's 7, it's a whole joke thing, we do it every month but I feel a bit hurt.

I am being silly right?

OP posts:

theDreadPirateDavina · 01/05/2009 21:01

Campion - love the name

Mugglewump - sorry, but you're going to have to get used to sucking it up. Because it sounds like you're friends. And she doesn't worry about giving you her opinion. And in approx 5 years she's going to be a teenager.

[sympathy]

Kimi · 01/05/2009 21:01

OOOOHHHHH I thought I had a fan then....

Original poster

muggglewump · 01/05/2009 21:02

I'll kill the silly bad comments as balloon bubbles now.
It didn't occur to me that she would pick up on that as being negative, it's all a silly game that I though would help with her reading.
God I'm thick at times

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 01/05/2009 21:15

Oh dear I'm sure it's not just the bubbles. My children have said horrible things to me in their time - it's not all that shocking as a thing, don't worry.

The fact you are hurt by it, makes it more so if that makes sense. So you should be able to say, 'that's an unkind thing to say dd' and leave it at that. I wouldn't go on too much about how it makes you feel - that's guilt trip behaviour, just say 'that's a mean thing to say, don't say things like that dd.'

RumourOfAHurricane · 01/05/2009 21:46

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RumourOfAHurricane · 01/05/2009 21:48

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charitygirl · 01/05/2009 21:56

You're not thick!

I seem to remember saying similar things (like the necklace comment) to my mum - I think it's a form of testing you to see if you 'take' it, or if you get angry.

I don't think the speech bubbles thing is a problem per se - just make sure that the negative things you write aren't things you would be ashamed to hear her say to someone IYSWIM.

Original poster

muggglewump · 01/05/2009 22:06

Yes I think I have been letting her get away with it, as I didn't really take it seriously, It's just today I realised she is being quite unpleasant to me, and I have been tolerating it, even encouraging it in the name of fun
I really didn't know I had been encouraging this, I know that sounds dim but I didn't, I was just being the fun Mum, there's no one else to be fun when her friends go in and no one but me in winter.
I did think I was intelligent but it seems not.
God, I feel so stupid.

OP posts:

campion · 01/05/2009 22:47

No need to feel stupid. It's hard enough raising children when there are 2 of you to taketheblame share it, so it must be harder to do it alone.

You obviously care very much about your Dd and realise she's overstepping the mark on this.How you tell her is best worked out by you because you're her mum and you know her better than anyone.For all you know she might even be waiting for you to say something - children sometimes can't judge when enough is enough and need to be ...err ... told.

I'm no paragon of parenting, by the way - it's just easier with other people's children!

RumourOfAHurricane · 01/05/2009 22:51

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monkeypinkmonkey · 01/05/2009 23:02

I don't think you should be upset but see it as the fact your mum = uquestionable doubt you coulb be fanciable to anyone in your dd's eyes.
As far as hurtful things said my DS age 3 told me other day if I wore my hair like that (up in clip) everyone will laugh!!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/05/2009 23:37

Mugglewump don't beat yourself up. If it's just the two of you then no wonder you are hurt, she is everything to you and either consciously or unconsciously her view of you is always going to be incredibly important to you.

She sounds very grown up and it sounds like you have a great relationship with her. I think you are right to kill the negative speech bubbles though - come back and let us know if it alters things, I'd be really interested to know

BigBellasBeerBelly · 02/05/2009 18:29

Muggles, firstly I know 7 yo girls who talk to their mums like this, it seems to be just something that they do, one of my friends gets quite upset - she says it's as if she's become a teenager before her time - but that's how the girls are at her school etc. it is scary that they're like that but quite normal I think.

Secondly the speech bubbles thing - if it's things like smelly and stinky and it's a joke - really is that any different from a child that age reading the beano or that sort of thing, which has been read by children happily for about 50 years. It's all jokes about people being farty etc.

Please don't worry too much x

SuperBunny · 02/05/2009 18:46

mugglewump, I tend to agree with ahundred but another thing struck me. Your response was, "I feel so stupid", "that sounds dim" and "I'm thick"

While we all think these things about ourselves from time to time, if you speak like that about yourself in front of DD (and I don't know that you do), she will pick up on it and in all likelihood will say similar things back to you without thinking too much about it.

Next time she says something, I would say, "That's really unkind DD. Please don't say mean things like that" She is old enough to know that sometimes we think things but it's kinder not to say them.

SuperBunny · 02/05/2009 18:51

BTW, I used to teach 7 year olds and some are shockingly rude to their parents. I think sometimes their mums were so taken aback by what they said (for example "OMG Mum, what have you done to your hair?") in front of everyone that they didn't know what to say. So, it's definitely not just your DD.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 02/05/2009 18:54

Just remembered another friends super well behaved and polite 8yo said to her last week "you're not going out like that are you?"

And seriously this is a child with very strict parents who take no nonsense whatsoever.

My friend was just shocked and upset, and couldn't really understand where it had come from...

dilemma456 · 02/05/2009 19:21

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Blottedcopybook · 02/05/2009 19:42

I agree with SuperBunny - I think the first thing you need to do is be positive about yourself at all times. Maybe that's something you could do to help with the reading actually!

thinking Write out loads of positive adjectives like nice, friendly, pretty, confident, intelligent, empowered etc etc and stick them to the fridge. Each day you could both pick out the adjective you feel is most applicable to you and make her explain to you why that particular adjective is appropriate on that day and vice versa? Gives you a chance to big yourself up, gives her a wee boost of self-confidence, practices her reading and moves away somewhat from the negative F1 stuff (which, incidentally I'm totally nicking the idea of because my 7 year old is having major spelling issues so this might help!)

I know it sounds a bit cheesy but it could hit all your targets?

I'd be upset if my kids said similar - my DS told me I was fat a while ago and it really upset me because it was my kid judging me. It's not nice, is it?

Original poster

muggglewump · 03/05/2009 19:52

Thanks everyone.
I will stop with the negativity about anyone, myself included. I guess she's older than I was at that age and perhaps calling people (that we will never meet) stinky or saying they eat cat food is a bit inappropriate and is somehow fuelling her negativity towards me.

I think also things have been changing in our lives. I went back to work 8 months ago and was horribly bullied. She knows that and then I left my job but I'm looking for something new so perhaps that's a bit unsettling for her?

Anyway I have been for numeracy and literacy tests today which is the second stage of the recruitment process for DWP and I passed and have an interview on 16th May so hopefully I'll get it and then things can settle down, although of course that will be another change first.

Perhaps I'm also feeling a bit sensitive after the bullying and also having to go back on benefits?

I do appreciate all the advice though. I know I'm not really thick as such but sometimes I don't really see what's staring me in the face and it needs you guys to point it out

OP posts:

FatFree · 03/05/2009 22:50

First off, i do agree about Kimi, there's something about his eyes thats very hypnotic... although i'm a Mclaren girl through and through

Second, i think the advice on here has been spot on and i reckon once you have a little talk with your daughter you'll see a change in her

I know its lovely when i make the effort on a night out and my kids say how lovely i look. It almost makes me want to get changed and spend the night with them instead....but i do manage to drag myself away, lol

Eve4Walle · 05/05/2009 18:25

YABU. Your DD is 7!

My DD is 5 and happens to think that Paris Hilton is the prettiest thing to ever walk the earth. Might be something to do with all the pink she wears!

BTW - My DD told me my boobies were too big the other day and that my eye make up made me look like a panda. I ignored it!

Nekabu · 05/05/2009 18:45

"know I'm not really thick as such"

You certainly aren't - well done you for passing your numeracy and literacy tests!

Personally I think children need to learn not to make intentional rude and/or hurtful comments.

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