to find it soo hard to let my DD have independence??

[MiserableMotherFlunker]

DD is 12 and in Yr 7. Now she is wanting more freedom to go out independently and I am finding it hard to let go and just want to wrap her up in cotton wool for a few more years (pathetic I know). I normally pick her up after school (and drop her off in the AM) by car as it is too far to walk and Iwould'nt let her anyway. Now she is asking to walk into town with her friends (about 10 mins walk)and hangout then get the bus home (on her own as all of her friends live in other areas). I let her but am really anxious until she gets home. Also I don't know any of her friends parents and worry about her going to their houses. FFS I walked home (quite an isolated walk) from the age of 11 and I'm sure my mum thought nothing of it! Everytime I read something about something happening to a similar aged child (abduction/attacked/run over) I get myself into a lather about it. It is worse that she is a bit dizzy and I don't trust her to think for herself which is probably a disservice to her. I have 2 other younger kids as well so she is not an only child and has a mobile with her. AIBU!!

oh yeah, missed that. You can't phone every 10 minutes. Kids get teased rotten for that

Agree, dont ring her unless shes late home.

I wouldn't answer, or would switch my phone off, if someone rang every ten minutes too. Imagine what she's saying to her friends about you (or what they're saying to her) if it's really that frequent. Could you text her and arrange to accept an "OK" text back that she could do it more discretely. Perhaps she'd respond better to that approach.

What is so wrong about getting to know secondary schoolfriends' parents esp if you are worried? Surely you'd get phone numbers in case of an emergency?

What about sleepovers? Do they stop at primary school? tbh it sounds as if where we all live dictates.

I haven't got a secondary school age child yet (starts in Sept) we'll be out of catchment too so I'll definitely be wanting to know who she'll be hanging out with, where they live, what their phone no.s are etc.

It's a nice area so no graffitti and no big towns, but of course I'll want her to go off with her mates and have freedom. I have no desire to wrap her in cotton wool as I think she's sensible, but a bit of info is what I'd need for sure!

Oh,mand calling her every 10 mins is a rotten idea, how embarrassing

I was exaggerating - I don't really call her every 10 mins!!! I call to make sure she got into town OK and later on to make sure she is on the bus (she should call ME but forgets).

Kidowner - I would love to meet her friends parents but it seems that I am in a minority. I have posted before about sleepovers she's had where DD has given her friends our home number so the parents can call me but none of them did so they came over for the night without having met me at all. DD will not be spending the night at anyone's house unless I have grilled met their parents. We also live in quite an affluent area with very little graffiti but DD's school is near the town centre and in a high density council housing area not sure what you would make of that!!

We all know our own children best. My dd is 13 and has only just got in tonight. Sometimes she is out till 8. The nights are light so I allow this, however, I do know that she is not loitering around and annoying people and is just sitting with her friends. I had to allow her her freedom as I returned to work when she was in Yr 5 and was asking her to walk to school with her brother for a couple of years. At this time she didn't want to go out in the evening on her own. It is a trust that has built up between us little by little over the time. It is difficult when you are used to being in control of them all the time and when she was younger on the odd occasion she asked to go out of the close I would say to her that once she leaves the close I can have no idea what is happening to her. The differnce is that now she is able to cope with this, where as when she was younger it used to make her think twice. It is so difficult to let go, but in the end you will end up with a dependent, rounded child.

I was getting the bus on my own in primary school. I'm only 21 so this wasn't that long ago.

It was the only way I could get to the library as often as I wanted I used to get on the bus into town, read for a few hours, check 4 or 5 books out and be back 2 days later for some more. Mum could only take me at the weekends so we came to a compromise. I was always back at the right time so the trips to the library were never stopped.

well, i don't think you are being unreasonable, because we all feel just like that to some extent.

However, I really and genuinely feel that at 12 they need to start having some time to themselves. Else how will they ever learn to function? They can leave school and get jobs in 4 years. They have to learn judgement and they need to do this with some space

My nearly 12 year old can go out for an hour or so in the evening. She often takes her phone but I do not call it unless she is late. She can go into (smallish) town on a Saturday with friends. My 14 year old is more or less a free agent. We have a strict, tell us where you are rule and they are well aware that freedom is curtailed pdq if we had concerns.

Our rules for our 14 year old also include sensible things like, never walk down an alley on your own( there are lots where we are). Never walk home alone if it is dark, getting dark, we will always come and get you.