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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

by not saying anything about their car seat

29 replies

GothAnneGeddes · 30/04/2009 20:41

Was -being nosy- looking out of the window yesterday. Saw the next door neighbours get in to their car.

The mum comes out with their daughter in a baby car seat. Fine, except the daughter is about 18mths/two years old and is miles too big for it (legs dangling over the bottom, head sticking out over the top.

I keep watching as the mother just puts the seat sideways on the back seat and gets in next to her.

I was upstairs with dd so I couldn't just run out and say something.

I really want to say something but I'm not sure how to word it, whereas dh thinks I should mind my own business.

Am I being unreasonable for not saying something yet?

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 30/04/2009 20:45

This reply has been deleted

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PolkaDotRachel · 30/04/2009 20:50

She obviously knows if she's having to put it in sideways !

I would also be outraged but I'm not sure if I would say anything.

Are you friends with them?

Are they short of cash or something?!

mrsgboring · 30/04/2009 20:52

are you sure thecarseat was inapprpriate? some group 0+ seats go up to 15kg so would take the average 18 month old. most people move up before they get to the weight limit, but it is far safer to keep rearfacing even if the child's legs do dangle out

IheartNY · 30/04/2009 20:53

Did she actually drive off with the seat in sideways??? or just put it in sideways before adjusting?
If she carried the girl out IN the car seat then she cant be that heavy.
My DS is 14 months old and only just 20lbs so only just gone into bigger car seat. Could this girl be younger than 'about 18 months'?

Could you look on your local freecycle for bigger seat and get one if theres one offered, then knock next door and ask them if they could make use of it as you no longer need it?

canttouchthis · 30/04/2009 20:53

Well, OP, I'm like you in that I'm very nosey in nature too, so I'd have to be saying something personally. But that's just me!

If I were in your shoes I'd just ask if they've seen the new Halfords ad on TV this week about how cheap child car seat are these days? Just be sort of casual about it or make a joke 'gosh, is your child getting too big for that seat, or has the child seat just shrunk in size?'

try not to be tooo serious, or that may make more of an issue out of it than is really needed.

differentID · 30/04/2009 20:54

Mrsg- it was dangerous if the head was over the top, which the OP says it was. How well do you know the family?

BigBellasBeerBelly · 30/04/2009 20:55

The way to approach it is maybe to say "it must be so heavy to lug DD around in that, I'm worried about your back, why don't you get one that you leave in the car and incidentally your DD might be more comfortable too... Actually now I think about it maybe your DD is a bit too old for one like that, I wouldn't want you to get nicked... Then sweetly and hope for the best...

Misskittykat · 30/04/2009 20:55

I think it depends on how well you know them....if ur on talking terms I would probably mention it when I next saw them otherwise I would keep quiet!

canttouchthis · 30/04/2009 20:55

Halfords are doing half price child car seats at the moment. sorry, meant to add that bit in, but forgot. Doh

Original poster
GothAnneGeddes · 30/04/2009 21:06

The child is scrawny but long, IMO definitely too big for it, as I'd say her legs were well over the bottom and over half her head was visible over the top.

The seat was not strapped into the car just placed sideways on.

I've never really spoken to them before, so I'm not sure how they'd take it.

Plus they're Egyptian and I know car seats aren't as big a deal there (Dh is Syrian and it's the same there too).

OP posts:
PolkaDotRachel · 30/04/2009 21:08

Well if they are not strapping it in then they are breaking the law - maybe they don't know the rules here so you could "helpfully" point them out?

funkybuddah · 30/04/2009 21:10

Do you live next to me?
My dd is 17 months, still in a first car seat (0+) her legs dangle out, but her head is waaay down, rather broken legs than broken neck.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 30/04/2009 21:11

If you see them do it again, I'd say 'I don't mean to interfere, but if anyone sees her like that you could get in a lot of trouble with the police', phrase it more like you are looking out for them rather than you think she's a silly irresponsible woman (which she is). I get that about car seats - DH is moroccan and wouldn't have thought anything of driving round there with me holding 5mo DS on my lap - I saw a couple with two tiny kids on a moped get knocked off last time I was there. Thankfully nobody was hurt but just imagine.

SallyJayGorce · 30/04/2009 21:13

Most people where I live don't use car seats at all - well a lot. The kids all jump about the car and climb over laps and the babies are in grandparents' arms. I'd be busy all day if I took issue with them all.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 30/04/2009 21:36

I agree with rachel that approaching from the "ooh you don't want to get nicked" direction, accompanied by the sort of noise a plumber makes when you show him the drains, will probably be your best bet.

Where do you live sally?

iamaLeafontheWind · 30/04/2009 21:53

My friend's 15 month DD is only 16lbs but long - Mothercare wouldn't sell them a larger seat because she wasn't heavy enough.

Chellesgirl · 30/04/2009 21:55

Sally you dont live in Brum do you? Its just like that here too. So many families just sit babies on thier laps (in the front) and have children climbing all over the place...police driving past! Nothing said!

I seriously wanted to say something to one couple - in a nissan micra with 4 children in back,no seat belts, 6 mo ish in front on mums lap, dad driving... Rediculous, shouldnt breed if you cant afford them!

ilovetochat · 30/04/2009 22:02

my dd was in the 1st seat till 19 months, i kept looking at the bigger ones but she just wasnt heavy enough. her legs were bent up against the seat infront but her head was below the top when in the car.

SallyJayGorce · 01/05/2009 09:28

No I live in East London. Sometimes I envy those families though in an 'ignorance must be bliss' kind of way. I loved driving home at night in the 70's, one on each side of mum in the back of the car with our heads on her lap. I am a real car seat stickler but often dream of days when we weren't all so anxious.

LeonieSoSleepy · 01/05/2009 11:20

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Message withdrawn

InsomniacMumontheRun · 01/05/2009 11:37

It's a toughie if you don't know them.

If you're worried about having not saying anything on your conscience then I'd have a quiet word with them. definitely go down the 'You don't want to get nicked route' like you;re doing them a favour.

Or you could take the stealth route and print some info from the internet/leaflets from Halfords and put it through their letter box?

Chellesgirl · 01/05/2009 12:08

Over 12 yrs ago it was fine to have no aged 3+ children in carseats...i remember when I used to go to my great nans on a sunday and me, my lil sis, two cousins (all aged between 3 and 6) my (biggish) nan and mum all in the little clapt out ford escort together. Police stopped us one day and asked my nan to put on her seatbelt...no mention of children in back squahed up together sharing seat belts.

The reason for the carseats now is we have more awareness of accidents, and how a carseat can actually save a life. Any parent who wishes to carry thier babies in the car without a car seat (strapped in correctly) should be prosecuted...only if the dam police would do such when they see it!

PolkaDotRachel · 01/05/2009 16:33

A leaflet is an excellent idea! Have you got access to a colour laser printer - will look more realistic ;) ?

If you print a leaflet out and put it through the letterbox when they are out they will never know it was you and they might actually get the message.

If the don't keep putting them through until they do!

claireybee · 01/05/2009 16:46

here

Chellesgirl · 01/05/2009 16:49

heres something you could use for that leaflet