To NOT be too worried after paerents evening?

[deanychip]

last 2 parents evenings have had me in tears and i am no woos.

This time, mostly positive but one thing that kept coming up was that ds couldnt interact/communicate/work/get along with other children.
He is incapable of working in a group. He is segregated and sits with another child with "behavioural challenges".

DH asked if we should be worried about this, teacher said that it does concern her.
I am not convinced that this is a huge problem tbh.

If he isnt good with groups then keep him out of large groups....for now.

Should i be worried do you think?

I'd (and have been there) be inclined to ask what they suggest we do next.

if that involves seeing soemone then its always best to get on lists ASAP simlpy becuase you can pull a child off a long waiting list but you can't jump it if things deteriorate.

however, YANBU not to worry. Worrying achieves nothing. At the last one we had we were told ds2 has issues (ds1 / ds3 already have ASD)...... apart from the fact that I do not believe some of the stuff they told me (I dont agree he functions bottom 10th centile range) I simply asked them to tell me if they feel he needs assessing and have left it that.

Worrying is too much energy.

How old is he?

hmm,
They all deny that ds has any kind of special needs. He is just "hard work".

They say he doesnt need to be "referred" what ever that means.

Is he 'just' shy? You know your own child, if you aren't worried at this stage then go with your instinct.

Not shy by any means!

She was almost indicating that he is completely antisocial.

She suggested we invite a couple of the kids from his class home to play. I have asked him over and over and he just says that he doesnt play with anyone.

If there's no SN suggested (i'd question her quals to make that judgement, I suspect they are none) then you should go with your own call here. Mine, in all honesty would be to see a Dev paed or Ed Psych to rule out anything as they can well be hidden.

For the inviting thing ask teacher to suggest a couple of names, she will who know who is most likely to work as a friend for him

If I were you, I would want to know more about what it means that he can't get along with other children.

Does it mean he doesn't do the work? That he is too shy to speak to them? Or that he is actually aggressive? And if so, to what extent? Does he cause problems at playtime? Are the other children afraid of him?

if he is at school, then clearly they can't always keep him out of large groups, he has to be able to cope with lunchtime and assembly without causing havoc or becoming terribly distressed: if he can't do this, he needs help with it.

I think it is worth probing further so you know exactly where the problem lies.

Is he in Reception? Perhaps he is just adjusting to the fact that he has to spend all day with a random group of people whose company he hasn't chosen! Have you asked him if he is generally happy/unhappy with other aspects of school life?

Maybe he just hasn't found anyone in his class he clicks with, and prefers to get stuff done on his own. That is not a failing it's just a personality type (I'm one too ). It sounds as if the teacher is just at a bit of a loss because she has got an individualist on her hands, and it would make her life easier if he joined in a bit more.

I wouldn't be overly worried at this stage - maybe if he was 12 and had just gone up to big school it would be different.

No not agressive just irritating. he is incapable of sitting still, he fiddles with things, distracts everyone else.

She says she can tell that he is an only child. By this she means he doesnt share, he snatches what he wants.

We have lots of children in the family, and friends. he mixes and shares with them all at home ok.
I asked her who she suggested to bring home, and she couldnt think of any one that he gets along with or plays with.

There is one child, but he is a very negative influence on ds. I have observed them at parties and this boy is naughty.
I dont think that it would be helpful to have him to play. The boy is very popular, very confident but just plain naughty, i couldnt cope with it.

i would ride with it until yr 1. there are always a few yr r boys in each intake that have similar issues. if you aren't concerned about sn and neither are the school, then i would just monitor for now.

i would be concerned about the teacher deciding to exclude him from group activities though. really they should be trying to teach him how to take his turn/ behave appropriately, rather than the opposite.

tis tricky - if they are giving him extra help in school they might have him on their 'school action' list - in which case you could ask for an iep with some group working/ behaviour targets on it...

trust your gut instinct. if you feel he has improved since the last two parent's evenings (and it sounds as though you do) then trust your feelings.

will do.
just keep leaving it, keep leaving it but then think what if i leave this and then it is too late to help him?

I have had issues in the past with the school, the way that they punish children etc.

I try to work with the teacher and take her advice on these things.

But i dont know, i have never had a child in the education system so i dont know what is normal and what is classed as abnormal iyswim.

obviously if he needs help then the earlier the better... but if he is improving without help then he might just be too 'young' for the school routine, and is growing into it (i sound like my mother lol)

what about when you are out and about, at friends and stuff? is there a marked difference in his behaviour to anyone elses? (given the huuuuge range of 'normal') does he show any stuff in that sort of situation that makes you concerned?

there have been scenarios (and not saying this is what is happening lol - just an example of why it's tricksy) where ADHD has not been recognised because children do not show aggressive or defiant behaviour, but do display lots of the 'true' attention deficit rather than oppositional defiant stuff... so it then tends to become more noticeable in juniors, - so worth a think about over the next few years - there are lots of different ideas of things that might help if this is the case, so not the end of the world.

i would definitely go with your gut though. if instinctively you feel better, then there has to be a reason beyond the 'worn out with worrying about it' stage...