found mil at our staying at holiday hotel

[self]

told my mil on my first son's birthday that she was toxic and did not wish to see her again as i felt i needed a break from her abuse. i literally threw her out the next day he was having baptism after the party.

we went on holiday for a 3 day break and found her there on our holiday i was civil and let her take my son out and i said i still felt that we needed time apart. my dh swore that he did not know that they would be there.

we have been invited to my dh godparent's house in two weeks time for sunday lunch and for me to have got off the phone to find that she mil will be staying with them i feel like phoning the godparents and saying we have to change it another week,
she has asked my dh if she can take my 14 months old son out, which i do not want during that weekend. she knows that we are going on holiday a few days after that lunch so i know she will offer to look after our dog so that she can get back in our good books which i do not wish to do. she lives 4hours away. i have forgiven her so many times i feel that the best thing is to have time apart she is so devious always wanting to manipulate everyone.

What does your dh have to say on all of this?

I think you're going to have to give details of how she's toxic if you want any opinions on this.

But I'm not clear what you're actual question is?

Are you asking if you're being unreasonable to want a break from her?

We need to know how she's behaved first

I think to save everybody the stress you need to arrange to visit your friends when your MIL is not there.

can't be judgey without detail i'm afraid.

otherwise i might have to come to the conclusion that you might be over-reacting and she's a lovely laady who is desperate to see her grandchild but her dil is a nutcase and has banned her.

see how tricksy it is with no real idea of the situation?

she has never liked me i am another colour her only child, could have done better, i heard her and confronted her, she has phoned us after our holiday and left a message slagging me of by mistake, when my father died she did not phone after a week she did only to not say a thing, she said i was an unfit mother because i let my son watch corrie and she switched it off and that was the ;last straw. she has said she hates her son only child because he was born by c -section and messed up her figure.
dh says she wont change and that i have to live with it.
she has done so many things they always put a needle up my ass when the son is not around and stroke me when he is.
unfortunately he heard them on my son's birthday.

Ok, well she sounds like woman who is desperately unhappy with her own life, and so is intend on making everyone else's unhappy too.

You're not being unreasonable. I would go to great lengths to avoid her. Maybe you could arrange for her to see her DS in the company of your DH, but when you're off, I dunno, having your hair done or having a well earned lie down.

Life's just too short for nighmare family. You have my sympathy.

then just calmly ring the godparents and re-arrange. doesn't have to turn into an episode of east-enders.

let go of the angst and ignore her if she's a nutcase.

lol at the corrie thing though - he's 14 months and she's worried about corrie? funny old world.

she's looking for every opportunity to wheedle her way back in, isn't she? Turning up on your holiday is bloody scary. And now using your dh's godparents... think you have to be VERY firm and, every time this happens, tell the mutual friends 'not if MIL is there' and tell MIL 'back off'.

Not sure the godparent incident is a problem. She is allowed to see them presumably?

Other than that she does sound a little unhinged and I don't blame you for wanting a break from her.

thank you ladies i have taken all your advice on board i will be firm and will let her see her grandchild but then i think we still need time apart, which will be hard when she is taking out my son.