to think my sis lets her dd's go to school scruffy?

[monkeypinkmonkey]

AIBU to be pissed of at my sis for sending her dd's to school looking like scruffbags i.e. holes in tights (on legs), holes in summer dresses and dirty coats.
Whenever I mention it she always has an excuse ready that puts the dd's in frame... i.e. they never put their clothes away, their bedroom too messy to find things.
The point is her dd's 11 and 8 so I find it shocking that she tries to put blame on them. As a mum of pfb ds (3) I see it as my responisbilty to ensure he is tidy etc, but can girls this age be held responsible?? It just doesn't seem fair. I feel so sorry for them because as we know kids can be so cruel at school.
I know she has money issues but she finds money to buy other no essential items (garden stuff) when she could buy cheap replacements.

attractiveness doesn't depend on being clean and tidy.

Changednam I feel like its my sis responsiblity because she is a SAHM and my BIL out house from 7.30 til 6pm.

she is doing a job and her job is to look after the children whilst he goes to work to do his job. He does a lot in the house i.e. he hoovers, irons, laundry and dishes. I would blame him if it was the other way around.

Ther aren't your kids, what has their appearance got to do with you? Are they unhappy or miserable? If not, YABU, totally.

My ds's are more of those constant scruffs. I put them in clean neat clothes and by the time I turn around they look like they've just climbed a chimney. I've no idea how they do it.
That said, I'm much the same, I fight it, but immaculate I will never be. And I don't really care!

Meant to add there that DS1 is the most popular kid in his class, so it doesn't harm him anyway in those stakes.

Monkey I think your sis is out of order to send her her kids to school dirty. Not on IMO.
Sure kids want to take short cuts or do daft stuff like waering stuff with holes in them but it's a parents job to parent.
There is no way I would let DD or DSD out of the house unwashed in dirty, broken or too small clothes.
I can't afford new clothes for the kids so I get their stuff mostly in charity shops including DSD's uniforms.
Often the kids have a couple of changes of clothes a day as they get mucky.
YANBU to be upset, I would be too...

I'm with Jaypickle - every so often I resolve to be neater & tidier, and it usually lasts about 2 days.

Like my mum used to say - 'you have to suffer to be beautiful' (when dragging a comb through my hair / pinning up a dress / pulling my cardy up my shoulders ) - well, my resolution was that in that case I didn't want to be beautiful . . .

I figure either dd will neaten up when she hits her teenage years - or she'll be a charity shop grunge queen, and none the worse for it.

my ds who's 6 refuses to go to school in one of his pairs of school trousers because it has a tiny hole in the knee! It's too small a hole for me to sew, hardly noticeable unless you get down and study it but he knows it's there and doesn't feel right, so will not wear them! I guess I'm pleased he's keen to look smart etc, but it bugged me this morning when I realised they were the only clean pair and it's too wet and chilly for shorts! One of the other boys, though, would put on the same clothes every day if I didn't monitor him! Chalk and cheese!

The child of our time programme said that INITIALLY children were attracted to the children they thought looked most attractive.But that was short lived and they soon made friendships with kids who were on the same wavelength,they admired, liked, found funny etc

I was one of those dirty, scruffy kids. I dont think I have every gotten over it. I dont sit around moping and wailing but it has most definately affect my life and how I feel about myself.

The kids may be old enough to organise themeselves but they need to be taught how to do that and its their parents' job. Kids have to be pretty old before they are able to sort themselves out entirely and need help with hygine and neatness.

There is no excuse. Kids in South Africa live in shacks and still turn out to school immaculate.

I dont think that children need to be dressed in new, designer clothes and have perfect hair and nails. But they should be clean and their clothes should fit and be in good repair. They should be dressed appropriately for the weather and not wearing plimmies in the winter or wellies in a heatwave.

I do agree that some people are naturally scruffy and most kids will start the day neat and it wont last five minutes. There is a difference between looking like a little scamp and being the smelly, dirty, scruffy kid in the class.

I feel strongly about it because it DOES set you apart from your peers and damages self esteem.

No excuse for it. My mum sent me to school once with holes in my knickers when I was about 11. A group of "tarty" girls saw them in the changing rooms when I was getting changed for P.E and one of them said "excuse me, but why have you got holes in your knickers"? I've never felt so humiliated in my whole life. They never forgot it either. About 4 years later when I was in my last year or nearly last year, that same group of girls were in the same class as me for something and one asked me: "Are you that girl who had the holes in her knickers in Yr 7"? And they started laughing. I denied it.

It's important when you sort your kids clothes out for school that they are presentable and tidy, for the very reason stated above. Other kids can give you hell.

My children have a bath every night and clean clothes every day. However, they always look a mess. They are both the untidiest eaters and drop food - usually yoghurt - down their clothes most days. They play football every day so their shoes are irreparably scuffed. They always kick down the hems/shred the bottom of their trousers...and also frequently split said trousers when playing football. I used to hem their trousers, I have now given up on the hems and just sew up the holes.

I don't mind my children being scruffy but clean. I prefer that to tidy but dirty