To not let my mum look after DS?????

[Cazzaben]

Ok so here it is...

My mum (was a childminder for 18 yrs) has been looking after DS1 (3yrs old) on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. Recently he has told me he doesn't want to stay with nanny. I've tried asking him why but he can't seem to tell me.
My mum picked him up from pre-school last Tuesday and took him to the nursery where she works (and normally takes him). He came home and told me that nanny had shouted at him and frightened him. He also said he was soo naughty and wasn't allowed to play with 'the purple car'.
So I picked him up from preschool yesterday and dropped him with my sister and he was fine. Today I picked him up and spoke to the leader and she said he has been fine there. She then told me that when my mum arrived to pick him up last week he started to cry and said he didn't want to go with her. I then tried to drop him off with my mum and he wouldn't let go of me and screaming that he didn't want to stay with nanny. I felt awful!!! I decided I wouldn't upset him anymore than nessesary and dropped him off with my sister. I know my mum has a temper and she's hasn't got a lot of patience and snaps quite a bit. She's also quite big and probably a bit overpowering to a 3 year old.

What do I do now though?? My mum started crying saying she didn't know why he would feel like that towards her. I don't want him to be frightened or upset when he's with her nor do I want their (normally close) relationship to suffer.

Does anyone have any advice??? AIBU to stop my mum from looking after him???? (oh and sorry if it doesn't make sense feel free to ask questions!!! )

omigod what a horrible situation for you. I don't think at 3 he will be able to describe what the problem is.

You read loads of threads on here about the generation gap - what seemed reasonable and normal to our mums we think is terrible (I am old enough to have spent a large portion of my first year in a pram at tbe bottom of the garden exercising my lungs, to the approval of the health visitor).

You have time to get this sorted without it blowing out of proportion. Listen to your mum - she can see he isn't happy to be with her, get her to describe what's happening when he's with her and see if you can pick up clues. Personally I would say to her that you think it's best he doesn't go until this is sorted out as you don't want to ruin their lovely relationship.

You will have to make a difficult judgement between things that you are really unhappy about and things that are just different with Nanny. It's no bad thing for children to learn to adapt to different people and surroundings. But obviously they shoulnd't have to put up with anything unreasonable.

What a difficult situation. I really feel for you, being pulled in two directions. I agree with advice already given in that I think I would just leave it for a while and explain to your mum that in order for it not to become a pattern of crying, you will have a break for a week or 2. Make sure DS has lots of contact with your mum, whilst you are both there to maintain contact and build up his confidence again.

As he is happy going to your sister's house it makes me think that something has probably happened that has made your DS upset, could even just be being told off in a firmer tone than he is used to. Can your mum not shed any light on the situation? Perhaps she can also reassure your DS that everything is ok and take him to his favourite place to break the routine.

Hopefully it will be a very short lived phase, but I would keep an eye on it and try and get to the bottom of it.

Thanks for all of your replies...

I do think that a break away would be a good idea and to have mum over for dinner a few nights a week to build the trust back again.

I will also try and talk to my mum. It does sound like he has been told off in a firmer tone. My mum has that tone down to a tea from what I remember as a kid

I guess I'll see how it goes for the next couple of weeks and hopefully by then he may have 'forgotten'

Thanks everyone I appreciate your help and wise words x

I think many people get more rigid and less patient as they get older, so whilst your mum may have been a relaxed childminder in her 20s she's maybe not got that attitude now.
Her crying when you discussed this seems a bit OTT. Is she depressed? That can make people more irritable and weepy.
I doubt she has done anything awful to your son but children sometimes blow things out of proportion so if you have other childminding alternatives then using someone else and gradually building up the relationship again may be a good idea.

I am a granny and look after dgs 1 day a week I am also a retired teacher.I would be devatated if dgs didnt want to stay with me,yes might even cry!I would also do everything in my power to put things right and I bet your mum will be the same.Quite small things can frighten or distress little children.My dgs is 2.6 now and was reluctant to go into my spare bedroom-luckily he talks quite well and told me,'your cat made my balloon go pop!'Sure enough ther was a burst balloon in there.