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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask MIL to pay for this...

19 replies

MrsGravy · 28/04/2009 21:17

MIL very generously paid for us and SIL to go on holiday with her recently - she paid for flights, accomodation and said she'd pay for the hire car too. However we needed to pay for the hire car first (as we were travelling seperately and we would be picking it up) and she'd reimburse us which was obviously no problem.

Anyway, turns out that SIL (who's really well off) insisted on paying for her hire car herself. MIL hasn't remibursed us for ours yet so we're now in the tricky position of probably having to ask her.

It's nearly £400 and we're trying to dig ourselves out of some existing debt so really could do without this on our credit card. BUT we're going to looking selfish and grasping if we ask for the money aren't we?

I must add, the paid-for holiday was all very much at MIL's instigation, we would never have asked or expected her to do something so generous.

OP posts:

abbierhodes · 28/04/2009 21:18

Yes. I wouldn't ask.

self · 28/04/2009 21:19

mil is surely a gravy train

IheartNY · 28/04/2009 21:21

You cant ask for it back really.
Budget and plan based on the assumption that you'll be paying it off yourself and then if she mentions it or the subject comes up then you will have a bonus of having it paid back without actually expecting it to be.

MissisBoot · 28/04/2009 21:22

Tricky one - its up to your dh to negotiate this one with her I think.

How about offering £200 towards the car hire and saying that you know that sil has paid for her car hire, but you really can't afford to pay for all of yours so could she cover the other half of yours?

Is she likely to have just forgotten to give you the money for it?

Megglevache · 28/04/2009 21:23

persoanlly I wouldn't ask. What a lovely MIL you have.

rookiemater · 28/04/2009 21:24

Up to your DH to ask, he is the blood relative after all. If she offered to pay for it then there shouldn't be a problem.

Original poster

MrsGravy · 28/04/2009 21:31

Oh yes, DH would certainly be doing the asking. And MissisBoot, yes I'm sure she's just forgotten.

Sigh. It's tough being the poor relations. We did suggest a weekend away in the UK - something we could have paid our way with but ILs were adamant about going abroad and paying for it. We even said no initially but they were gutted so we ended up agreeing. We're pretty skint, it was really hard even finding the spending money.

Gah...what to do...look selfish or put ourselves further into debt...

OP posts:

BeehiveBaby · 28/04/2009 21:34

I know how you feel but wouldn't ask. My folks book a cottage in the UK every year for a family get together and even train fares and a food contribution is a massive stretch for us and my dad/ stepmum /sisters don't seem to get it.

ChippingIn · 28/04/2009 22:40

I don't see anything wrong with your DH asking his Mum if she could give you the money. She offered to pay for it, if she hadn't your decision whether to go or not might have been different... I'm sure she's probably just forgotten all about it and will be more than happy to give you the money once nicely reminded that you need it....

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/04/2009 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

picmaestress · 29/04/2009 00:14

If it was me, I wouldn't ask for the money. They've been really generous. Next time they ask you to go abroad, just say no, in the knowledge that it will probably cost you a fair whack, even if they're paying for most of it.

piscesmoon · 29/04/2009 00:31

I don't see anything wrong in you DH bringing into conversation-I would leave it to him and keep out of it.

SamJamsmum · 29/04/2009 06:39

She offered to pay for it so I would ask.

Longtalljosie · 29/04/2009 06:43

I think the half and half option is the best plan. She'll be only too aware you're not as well off as SIL. Don't dig yourself into a huge financial hole, that's not what she wanted when she offered to pay for the holiday...

2rebecca · 29/04/2009 08:28

I would get DH to ask her, after all if she had never offered to pay for a hire car in the first place you may have decided you couldn't afford to have one/go on the holiday.

missingtheaction · 29/04/2009 08:47

MIL offered to pay for the holiday because she knew you couldn't afford it and she wanted to give you the gift of a good time without it putting you in more debt. If paying for the car hire will put you in difficulties she will probably be upset. I know my mum would be appalled if her generosity had actually made things worse for me, and I would too if you were my DIL. Get DH to have a word. 'Mum, it's about the car hire. Do you want us to pay for that bit? it's on our credit card at the moment' and take it from there.

TrillianAstra · 29/04/2009 09:04

Get DH to mention it to her, she offered to pay so presumably she is happy to pay for it, but has just forgotten.

conkertree · 29/04/2009 09:15

i agree with getting dh to mention it to her particularly as you think she has probably just forgotten. Sure she wouldnt want you to be in more debt, and it did form the basis of you going, so hopefully it wont be too awkward.

Jaypickle · 29/04/2009 20:40

I'd get him to try and slip it into a conversation, not asking, somehow just mention it, and then if she has forgotten she will immediately offer, and if she doesn't offer it I would leave it at that. But turn down the next offer....

Difficult position, vv awkward.

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