AIBU to want to light a fire this warm evening - to scorch the bum feathers of the pigeon coo-ing on my chimney pot and which just SHAT down onto my tastefully arranged pile of logs in the hearth???

[Flibbertyjibbet]

Go on I can take it from all you rspb types .

Its been cooing up there since lunchtime and I thought it would have buggered off to find a perch to sleep on for the night by now.

My pile of logs now has a smelly pigeon poo splattered on them

I am reaching for the matches as I type....

• either that or you'd catch it mid-shag, and...

Right. I just got the little bastard and all its friends.

I didn't want to waste my logs and coal on a nice warm day so I went to the hardware shop and got some of those smoke pellets that gas fitters use to check if a chimney/flue is blocked.

Went round opened all the windows on the 3 floors (but not too wide for the attic windows didn't want them escaping from the smoke INTO the house!!)

Opened the front and back doors too so plenty of air intake.

Lit a smoke pellet in the fireplaces on each floor then ran out to watch the smoke billowing out of all three pots and the farking pigeons choking as they flew off.

Result!

LOL, Flibbertyjibbet