to think it's weird DH didn't react?

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

last night DS was sitting on floor between us. I moved him round and as a consequence he fell on his face and I didn't catch him in time. My fault, I know, but he cried (of course) and DH didn't even react to the crying. He just sat like a lemon with a blank expression. I said 'why aren't you reacting' and he got annoyed as if I was saying it was his fault he hurt himself. I wasn't, but if DS was crying in pain, however it happened, I'd at least have a concerned look on my face?!?! He wasn't seriously hurt, it didn't take two people to comfort him, but wouldn't you expect the fact that his son is hurt to register somewhere on his face???

Maybe it was intentional so it didn't look as though HE were apportioning blame onto you. He probably thought you were capable to deal with it.

it wouldn't on mine - children fall over

Unless I was the one picking him up and cuddling and reassuring him. He wasn't, you were.

Any chance you're projecting your anger at yourself onto him ?

hi Kat2907

maybe he was just surprised or confident that you were dealing with it.

or, he just couldn't empathise.

as mums we all would like the dads to show as much concern and empathy as we do, but i'm not too sure how often they actually do. mine only does if its pointed out to him, he can trip her up (by accident) she will be crying on the floor and he will carry on walking. I know this is not normal, but I am beginning to think he may have some form of aspergers that or he is a complete pig.

only you can answer for your DH.

Laurie - maybe. He is our PFB tho!

notalone - I doubt it!

messy,issy - I think that's it a bit. He won't leave him crying if it's real crying but will leave him grumbling and whinging in a dirty nappy or just cos he's bored until he is ready to change him/pick him up/whatever - nothing serious but just stuff I wouldn't do.
When DS really did hurt himself when he fe;ll of the sofa (my fault again! surely that's proportional to the amount of time we spend with him?!) he was very concerned so I know he's not a monster!

ah...bless

don't beat yourself up for it

If I reacted everytime DS has managed to hurt himself I would have had a heart attack by now.

You said it didn't require two people to deal with, you can't dictate what is an acceptable thought/facial expression.

If I'm honest my DH would probably have reacted in the same way - not that he doesn't care or love DS massively he just doesn't rush in at every little whimper or bump (something which I do). If that happened and I picked up DS he would just leave me to it unless it was an incident where he had really hurt himself. He just accepts that a few bumps and minor falls are par for the course and isn't nearly as pfb as me!!

I wouldn't worry about it, as you say he was concerned when your DS did really hurt himself

I'm glad IABU actually, I was a bit upset at the time and I'm glad to know there is nothing to be upset about
But I have to say, DS is only 7.5 months and hasn't hurt himself much as yet! When he's a boisterous 2 year old I'm sure I won't bat an eyelid either

Any chance you could see your way clear to not tarring all dads with the same brush? I mean, unless you live in communes, I'm guessing your experience is pretty much limited to your own husbands/partners so do you not think you may be generalising just a tiny bit?

FFS.

got to agree miflaw. some of the posts on this forum shock me to some womens attitudes towards men.

I liked your post MIFLAW, until the FFS at the end. Unnecessary.

Anyway kat2907, I agree with you that I would expect DH to register there had been a bump/accident.

It never used to occur to my DH to ask "Are you ok?" if he heard a bump/crash/me fall down the stairs etc (pre DC). Really annoyed me.

He does now though, I think because I have always had the habit of calling out "are you ok" to him if I hear him have an accident so over time he has picked up the habit himself. Took quite a lot of pointing out for him to see it's a) caring and b) safer, to check if someone is ok after you have heard them fall or whatever.

Prior to this his justification was that I would call for him if I was seriously hurt so why bother asking in advance.

I have to take your DH's side here. My DH is the one in our house that runs to every cry and whimper and I leave him to it. Simple as. He is a first aider and good in a crisis - I'm not. So if one of our children gets hurt I don't react because I know instinctively that he will take of it and so do the children. When he's not around I step in and so would your DH.

I think it's a male trait to be pragmatic about emotions and strangely I have it. Thank goodness my DH is the opposite.

Don't be too hard on him. Not 'reacting' is not the same as not caring.

actually I do think it's weird he didn't react at all.
if that happened to either of our children then my dp would at least have said "oh no" or "are you ok" or SOMETHING. not just sat there with a totally blank expression. even if someone else was dealing with it

my DS3 fell off a chair onto the hard church floor this morning, I sat and carried on dunking my biscuit in my coffee (he was fine - he cried a bit - more embarrassed than hurt I'm sure as he was running around again a minute later)

YABU. I'd not have reacted (facially) TBH if someone else was dealing with it. But I am battle-hardened by now. If DS had wanted your DH to comfort him I'm sure he would have.

to be honest if ds hurts himslef and dp is with him and i see that he is ok i dont react

and same with dp if he sees his ok and im with him he doesnt react

some people tend to think if there ok too much fuss is unnecessary it's better to brush them off and carry on as normal

makes them react to accidents better i think

i know plenty of children that has both parents running at the slightest knock and screams for ages with both parents fussing over nothing

the children who tend to have minimal attention seem to be able to pick themselves up and carry on with no fuss

i would have asked is he ok though

"messy,issy - I think that's it a bit. He won't leave him crying if it's real crying but will leave him grumbling and whinging in a dirty nappy or just cos he's bored until he is ready to change him/pick him up/whatever - nothing serious but just stuff I wouldn't do."

Some people just parent differently. I do this too. I know it's not going to kill him to wait a bit if I'm busy finishing off something else. Might as well teach them patience from a young age

I would have reacted like your DH. You were there, you picked DS to comfort him, there was no blood (I assume) and it was a very small fall. I would still care though as I am sure DH did.

I would have just thought to myself that there is nothing more that can be done and no need to make you feel bad or cause a fuss.

Obvioulsy, I would react if he our DSs hurt themselves badly. My DW reacts much more emotionally than me to nearly every situation and she sometimes says I lack emotion whereas I just like to say calm and deal with the issue even if I feel quite emotional inside

People react to things in different ways.