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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed at DH and his work

32 replies

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 27/04/2009 21:10

He has to go away for meetings (which last 1 1/2 days) most months, usually to Holland. That's easy - flights to Amsterdam are easy to come across any day and any time. He tends to leave very early one day and get home late evening the next day

Next month he has to go to Spain for a meeting which is from 9.30am Monday until 2pm Tuesday. The best flights that he can get means leaving home at 5.30am on the Sunday and not getting back until about 6pm on the Wednesday - so 4 days away for a 1 1/2 day meeting.

Now I know it's not his fault, but it's really, really annoyed me and he can't see why. I think it's because we're losing half of our weekend and also that I know because he's away from the office for 3 days, he'll end up working really late and bringing work home for the rest of the week and the following weekend too. I know that DS1 will miss him dreadfully too.

DH reckons IABU to feel so annoyed at this. What do you think?

OP posts:
wrinklytum · 27/04/2009 21:14

Well,I guess I can see why you are a bit upset aboutloss of w/e and ds but I think YAB a little U as he cannot get any other flights and it is neccesary for his job so I guess he has no choice

imoverhere · 27/04/2009 21:17

If it really is the only flights he can get and it is his job, then YAB a tad U. Having said that, I do understand how you can feel upset, particularly as he is away every month.

Can you arrange to go out for the night when he's back so you have sometime together (and off from dc's)?

Sidge · 27/04/2009 21:17

I can understand why you are miffed but it seems as if it's beyond his control. So YABU really!

But then my DH is usually away for months on end so 4 days seems like nothing to me!

Make the most of hogging the remote control, having the bed to yourself without him snoring or farting (or is that just my DH?) and think of the nice duty frees he can bring you back

BiscuitStuffer · 27/04/2009 21:22

I would be totally annoyed UNLESS DH had acknowledged that this was a crap deal completely unprovoked, in which case i would be al 'oh well, it's got to be done'.

ABetaDad · 27/04/2009 21:25

Do you live in the UK? There are hundreds of flights to Spain. Can he really not get a different flight? No disbelieving him - just do not understand why it is taking so long.

Incidentally, I think it is a deliberate and mean trick of firms to schedule Monday meetings like this - they know you have to leave home and travel on Sunday when they are not paying you.

YANBU.

playftseforme · 27/04/2009 21:32

Think you're over-reacting a bit. Struggling to believe that there are no evening flights on Sunday and a return evening flight on Tuesday - as ABetaDad says, there are hundreds of flights to Spain (unless maybe the meeting is clashing w half term or something).

If it's out of his control, then there's no point getting annoyed w him - you'll just end up both being miserable. It's hard for your ds too, but you need to try to be more positive about your dh's trip around him, get excited about it, get the maps out, cook some Spanish food, anything to divert his attention.

Quattrocento · 27/04/2009 21:33

I travel a fair bit with my work and I really don't enjoy it - it is mostly tiring and frequently unnecessary. It's not as if I enjoy hotel bedrooms either.

I'd be really quite resentful if DH got funny about it though. I mean, go out to work to earn money for the family, do a load of travelling you don't enjoy and then get earache????

YABVU

Original poster
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 27/04/2009 21:33

He has to go on Sunday morning because of the times of the meeting and that it's somewhere between Barcelona and Valencia with poor public transport after midday on Sunday. As for the return flight - I think it's because he's not going from our local airport (which is only 10 minutes away) he's driving there so has to return to the same airport and the airline don't do a return flight on Tuesdays.

sidge I will enjoy having the bed to myself, without him snoring and farting (he does both dreadfully!). I will also prepare an especially long duty free shopping list for him!

Biscuitstuffer He really doesn't see what I'm annoyed at. I think he thinks I'm annoyed at him rather than at the situation, even though I've tried explaining to him.

ABetaDad Do you think he could claim an extra days holiday as he's losing a whole day of his weekend?

OP posts:
sleepwhenidie · 27/04/2009 21:35

It does seem very odd that he can't get a flight back from Spain on the Tuesday night, or at least early on Wednesday but otherwise I think YAB a bit U - it isn't his fault and leaving at 5.30 on a Sunday doesn't really take away half of the weekend does it?

My DH works 80-100 hour weeks and has to do lots of transatlantic trips, approx one a month at least so he is regularly away for 4-5 days at a time and constantly working when he is here....still doesn't sound as bad as it is for Sidge and I am sure there are plenty of people who have it worse still.

TheHedgeWitchIsNAK · 27/04/2009 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

playftseforme · 27/04/2009 21:40

Why can't he take a cab/hire a car in Spain, and then get a cab to the further airport in the UK so that he has a choice of airports to fly back to?

Surely his work would think that was all quite reasonable? My work would want to get me home asap so they didn't have to pay for another night's hotel accommodation if it was me!!

BiscuitStuffer · 27/04/2009 21:41

Ah yes - the being annoyed at the situation rather than him - I don't know if this is any help but whenever I get sick, DH huffs and puffs and stamps around the place because he's 'annoyed at the situation' -I find that very hard when all I want is a bit of sympathy and 'permission' to give up and crawl in to bed with his blessing.

Original poster
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 27/04/2009 21:43

We did look at trains - it was no better and it was just too far for him to drive alone.

playftseforme - we'll do the whole map etc thing - DS1 will enjoy that and I do keep things positive for him.

sleepwhenidie If losing a whole Sunday isn't half a weekend then what is?

I know that many, many other people have partners and husbands who work away much more often than my DH, or do so themselves. I'm not debating that. This has just annoyed me. I think perhaps I'm a bit sensitive as I hate it when he is away and this seems like it's for so much longer than it ought to be. Thanks for helping me to see that.

OP posts:
BiscuitStuffer · 27/04/2009 21:44

I am completely on your side though

Original poster
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 27/04/2009 21:45

playftseforme your guess is as good as mine on the whole taxi / car hire thing. I'm not askinghim any more questions about it as he thinks I'm BU enough about it all already!

OP posts:
ABetaDad · 27/04/2009 21:46

IwishIwas - he should certainly ask for a day off.

Looking at where the meeting is and the flight details, it looks to me as though the firm has booked the cheapest possible hotel time and location and flights and just dumped all the inconvenience on the employees.

Frankly, DH should be lowed organise a taxi from the hotel back to the airport so he can get an earlier flight and charge it to the firm. I cannot believe he is having to use public transport from a remote place (I am a big fan of public transport but only in my own time).

I think he should negotiate something better than this arangment. Sometimes the booking is left to a junior employee who has no idea of how inconvenenient the hotel/itinerary is that they have put together.

sleepwhenidie · 27/04/2009 21:46

oops, sorry - thought it was 5.30pm! Still BU if it's a one-off though.

mrsjammi · 27/04/2009 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

playftseforme · 27/04/2009 21:47

totally agree w ABetaDad, definitely should get a day off in lieu, and your dh must be more demanding about the schedule

BiscuitStuffer · 27/04/2009 21:48

I think you will find that by the time he gets home again, the schedule will have pissed him off so much that he will shout next time.

Original poster
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 27/04/2009 21:49

ABetaDad I think you're probably right, but not it's not just any junior employee - it'd be a Dutch one which is where their Head Office is!

I think next time I'll ask if I can look into organising his travel arrangements!

OP posts:
KristinaM · 27/04/2009 21:50

i agree with the others - either your Dh is messing you about or his company are messing him about. esp if you only live 10 mins from aa major airport

mum23monkeys · 27/04/2009 21:51

It's irritating when weekends are used up with work, but I can't really muster any sympathy for you as my dh is about to go to the other side of the world for 2 months, leaving me and 3 dc behind, for his work. We can't go too because it's just too expensive. I will have 9 complete weekends without him (and no family at all either), and, compared with forces families this is nothing.

Personally, I think the only thing you can do is look on the bright side - space in the bed, watching what you want on TV, eating with the kids so less cooking etc, and enjoy it. 4 days will go very fast.

Litchick · 27/04/2009 21:51

YANBU to be unhappy - my DH has been away two weeks now - but work is work. As Quat says, it's bad enought o be leaving your family without getting earache for it.
At tough times like this, money is money and a job is a job.

ABetaDad · 27/04/2009 21:55

TBH if DH has a Dutch boss - I would just get DH to ring him/her up and explain the problem. They probably have no idea how inconvenient the arrangement is.

My experience of Dutch firms is they are always much better at treating staff well than UK firms.

Hope it turns out well but yes if I were DH I would book my own travel next time.