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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want - yes, want - a teacher to be able to put her hand on DDs bottom?

20 replies

InmyheadIminParis · 27/04/2009 14:44

Took DD to her AquaEd swimming lesson at the weekend. She's been going for a few months now and loves it, but the teacher's worried she's not making much progress. The problem? She's not learning how to lie flat in the water, and "we're not allowed to put our hands on their lower back or bottom to help them float".
Is it just me? Or is this rule crazy?

OP posts:

paisleyleaf · 27/04/2009 14:46

My DD has learned to float flat by having her head held.

SATsAreRubbish · 27/04/2009 14:47

Crazy, but also understandable "in this day and age".

gingernutlover · 27/04/2009 14:50

yes it is crazy - but unfortunatly there are some very sad people out there who would be posting the the exact opposite thread. But you are not BU at all

another swimming related incident ...

I took dd to her first going in on her own swimmign lesson last week, we are not allowed to watch so its acse of going for a swim next door in the big pool or going tot he cafe - so i went for a swim. The assistant who goes in the water with the children (teacher on side of pool) came to get me out of the pool half way through because dd needed the loo and they arent allowed to take them. The amount of time it took the assitant to come and get me was much longer than if she had just taken dd, which i thought was stupid.

BTW dd is nearly 4 and completely independant in the toilet, they would just have needed to supervise her getting there and getting back. At the time I thought maybe I was BU

sachertorte · 27/04/2009 14:52

Not understandable imo.. to me, if you enrol your child in any kind of physical activity that is likely to need a physical intervention and takes place in a public space why on earth shouldn´t the instructor be able to help?! Surely there are lots of sports where instructors HAVE to do this! Only yesterday I was at a gymnastics show and the instructors were there to support the back during forward flips and the like. OP, this rule is crazy and shouldn´t be accepted!

sachertorte · 27/04/2009 14:55

have to say say though Gingernut, I would be uncomfortable about a male instructor accompanying my 4 year old alone to the toilet.

spiralqueen · 27/04/2009 14:57

hear, hear sachertorte - agree entirely. These people that come up with objections need to be reminded again and again that children are most at risk from family members not instructors and the like who are just trying to help children learn new skills.

Original poster

InmyheadIminParis · 27/04/2009 14:58

Gingernut YANBU (but you knew I'd say that .
I've just had to write a letter to the swimming teacher giving her my permission to put her hand on DDs bottom. Possibly the strangest letter I've ever written!

OP posts:

DamonBradleylovesPippi · 27/04/2009 15:00

Oh FGS!!!!!!
It is shocking at times to live in 'this day and age' IMO.

I'd expect the same InmyheadIminParis.

mayorquimby · 27/04/2009 15:23

yup i coach football to young kids and i admit to feeling weird or not knowing the right amount of contact that i'm allowed to give to a kid when they've been hurt or upset. not because i think it's wrong etc, just know that all it would take is one parent taking exception to me picking up a kid or something and it'd be more hassle than it's worth. sad i know.

sarah293 · 27/04/2009 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

completelyabsolutely · 27/04/2009 15:41

When I worked as a swimming teacher about 7 years ago now I had one class that only had one little girl of about 4. One week she needed the toilet half way through the class, so thinking nothing of it, I took her into the changing rooms, waited outside the door for her and then helped her to pull her swimming costume back up over her shoulders(it was obviously already wet and she was struggling).

My boss came through as I was helping her and I got a very stern talking to afterwards - I should have sent her into the changing rooms alone, waited on the pool side for her and then helped her back into her swimming costume on the poolside. Which, when you know your intentions are entirely innocent feels like a crazy course of action and one which would not have even occurred to me but you have to cover your self all the time.

Blu · 27/04/2009 15:42

YANBU!

Consider two hypothetical headlines (well, the first is fairly common, sadly)

"woman dies in Aghanistan because male doctor not allowed to touch her"

"child drowns because swimmimng instructors banned from doing their job effectively for fear of touching students".

gingernutlover · 27/04/2009 17:43

I am assuming that because the male/female assistant s get into the pool with the children and catch them as they jump in then they are fully police checked - therefore, no I would have no proiblemw ith either of them walking my child to the toilet - which is right on the pool side - and walking them back, but I guess they are protecting themselves, very sad I think.

I am a rewception teacher and frquently have to help in the toilets or change children after accidents.

gingernutlover · 27/04/2009 17:45

sorry to hijack anyway, I am glad you have now resolved the issue with the swimming instructor inmyheadiminparis

HSMM · 27/04/2009 18:01

My DDs ballet teacher is always putting her hand on their bottoms, to make sure they are holding them in. Never in an innappropriate, or lingering way and we can walk in and out whenever we want. Not a problem for me (but I wonder if I would feel differently if it was a man?).

But then again .... ballet isn't the real world, is it!

Noonki · 27/04/2009 18:13

I worked in a homeless hostel and we weren't allowed to touch any children living there. Apparently even if they had fallen over and hurt themselves.

Had to say alot of us ignored it because it is almost impossible to leave a little toddler sprawled on the floor.

Vulgar · 27/04/2009 18:26

My son goes to gymnastics where there are male coaches. They have to touch them to get into the right position when vaulting, etc. Fortunately all the children train in one big room and there is always a number of people there.

Thinking about it, I don't suppose the male coaches touch the girl gymnasts. Maybe i would feel a bit different if I had a dd . . .

i find this club very refreshing - we are allowed to take photos of our children on special occasions although we have to sign a form. not sure what it says as I usually forget my camera.

Ds's school teacher's weren't allowed to help him put his ear plugs in for swimming (he has grommets). I thought this was stupid!

smudgethepuppydog · 27/04/2009 19:39

I think the problem with swimming instruction compared to the likes of ballet/gymnastics is that in the pool the instructors hand can be obscured from clear view by the water.

acebaby · 27/04/2009 20:10

I really think that the potential danger of children not learning to swim because of instructors being put off by rules like this is greater than the extremely unlikely event that they will be abused in public view, by a CRB checked adult.

I also think that it is a shame if young children only come into contact with female teachers because parents are uncomfortable with men having physical contact with their children. But I guess that that's the way things are now.

frecklyspeckly · 27/04/2009 22:45

i am really suprised as my dc's instructors all 'touch' childrens heads backs etc i havent noticed bottoms etc.
But we do stay at the poolside for the lessons it is a requirement.

It has never occurred to me to question it.

(Interestingly when i read the thread title i thought this was about smacking bottoms for discipline in classroom!)

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