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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to throttle my husband?

6 replies

financiallyscrewed · 27/04/2009 12:04

Background to this is, we got married last summer, he's currently an unpaid student teacher and we have/he has a 7 year old son from his first marriage (his first wife died).

So, we've been renting a house for about 8 months. My DH had to pay half of 6 months rent in advance because of him not earning. At the end of the 6 months, I reminded him it needed paying again, he said 'oh I'm sure it'll just come out of my account', I reminded him to check, he didn't. A week or so ago he (finally) got round to calling our landlady who said this is fine, just send her a cheque for the overdue rent, then set up a standing order. I discovered over the weekend he hasn't done this as he's run out of cheques (but hasn't phoned up to get another book) and hasn't done the standing order either (we're lucky she's nice)!

Then, I reminded him to call the Child Tax Credits people after I discovered he wasn't sure if he'd let them know that we got married (or that he's no longer being paid). He hadn't. So, we've spent the weekend filling out the form as a couple (with breaks for him to find the next reference number or amounts on bills), received a letter telling us he owes them over £3k and another telling us it'll no longer be paid until we send them the form.

He drove his new car into a parked car last week (scratched) and said 'oh I thought I just tickled it'. So, I then find out he hasn't protected his no claims bonus (and thus lost it) and, he's got to pay £250 excess. I took it to the local garage and discovered it would cost £200 but no courtesy car. He has to pay the excess to the people mending his car on Wednesday, but I don't know how he'll do that with no cheque book (and they're picking it up from my work)...

Whilst this has all not been happening, I've been trying to work out how to pay off my credit card when my pay is being reduced by 10% and fiddling around with 0% balance transfers and he's been doing nothing. I also showed my husband where all my money goes and discovered he doesn't know how much the bills he pays cost or even whether they're weekly, monthly, quarterly or yearly.

Thus, I'm annoyed as I'm being really careful and he's being slack and now it's causing me hassle and giving me migraines! I've also realised the only way ahead is to get a joint account, put a standing order on his money into it (when he is paid) and then get my name put on all the bills so I receive them.

On an aside, whereas our 7 year old son a month ago had 3 pairs of school trousers and 7 shirts, he now has 2 pairs of school trousers and 2 shirts. I suspect that when my husband and son took things to the charity shop over the Easter holidays, they took some of the uniform not realising it still fits. So, I have to go out in my lunch hour and buy new uniform, costing money I don't have.

Rant over!!

OP posts:
StercusAccidit · 27/04/2009 12:09

Yeah. Strangle him.

I have a patio under construction with one more body space under it if we stamp on him a bit to cram him in with the others.

Buda · 27/04/2009 12:12

No judge would convict you. He needs to grow up and take some responsibility.

MadamDeathstare · 27/04/2009 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

financiallyscrewed · 27/04/2009 12:34

He does do most of the washing up and house work...

I'm just so annoyed that I'm worrying so much I'm getting ill and he's been burying his head in the sand.

Over the weekend I think he suddenly realised that he'd caused lots of problems by doing it, but I don't know how long his guilt will last for.

Worryingly, whenever I leave him a list he does work through it, I just didn't want to become one of 'those wives' who think their husband is incapable and treat him like a child.

He has to have been good at this at some point as he used to have no money and his first wife ignored paperwork and grown up things. So he did it all (especially when she got ill) so I think he can be retrained. Maybe I'll guilt him and tell him that he complained about his first wife doing it to him and now he's doing it to me...

OP posts:
Idranktheeasterspirits · 27/04/2009 12:37

If he is that bad with money have two accounts, one joint and one that is solely yours. Have a standing order for your share of the bills and then you will have a separate fund in your own account that wont be swallowed up by his crappiness.

I sympathise, my partner was also just as bad. I have improved it by doing a spreadsheet showing

financiallyscrewed · 27/04/2009 13:04

The thing is, he's not bad with money in that he spends lots, he's just unorganised. Think we will be having a joint account for 'house/family' once he's earning.

OP posts:
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