to expect my neighbours to aknowledge my existence?

[Arora]

Hello all
(long time lurker here - nice to be vocal )
My neighbours seem to be a bit odd (I'm sure they think i am too but that's a whole other thread!) When ,they moved in a couple of years ago they were quite pleasant enough, introduced themselves and everything, but then they just stopped communicating with us.
It's now got to the stage where, if we're both out in the gardens they will completely ignore us. We've just come home and he was cleaning his car on the driveway, I said 'Hi there' and he looked at me (possibly smiled? It was hard to tell) then turned away and walked inside even though he was only halfway through cleaning the car!
I'm getting paranoid here now. What have I done to offend them or are they just anti-social and I'm taking it far too personally?
Does anyone else have neighbours that aren't exactly 'nasty' but just ignore them?
For the record, we get on fine with our other neighbours!!

Our neighbours are interesting. The chappie talks when you see him outside, passes the time of day, says to yell if we need anything but is always mentioning that they love living here (very remote/rural) because they are private people who like to keep themselves to themselves. His wife does not speak, never a hello, a smile or a nod but I don't worry about it. We like our privacy too and she may be extremely shy/anxious so would never take offence at it.

I really hope that's all it is SOH. I quite like being private myself, we pass the time of day etc with the other neighbours, it's not as if we're in and out of each others houses constantly - think that may drive me mad!
It hasn't bothered me up till fairly recently when my brother mentioned he'd said 'Hi' and they had actively ignored him.
Why am I letting it bother me????
Whyyyyy!!

I've had neighbours like this. It's odd. However, when the lady neighbour needed her tyre changing, she knowcked on the door and asked DH to do it for her...tehn didn't go out. Also odd.

My sister also has neighbours like this....she thinks it's because they can hear her having sex though the adjoining wall.

Hiya

We have some neighbours like this. I find it very strange too as I'm always up for a chat but they're not at all bothered. I know they're the same with some other neighbours who are very good friends of ours. I figure that if there is a problem its theirs!

My parents neighbours are like this. I always say hello cheerfully and they look horrified and run away.

Freaks.

Snowmummy, that's a great attitude to have, I hope I can get back to it (I have a horrible habit of over-analysing and dwelling!)

LS - I have contemplated our cats annoying them somehow, are our children too noisy? I have even thought about the noisy sex thing even though we're not particularly noisy and we live in detatched houses!! (That would have to be some damn good sex! )

It is comforting to know it's not just us going through this though. Suppose it's worse in summer as we're outside more and it's more obvious.

My neighbour won't talk to the new people across the road as new lady parks her car outside her house and not in her own drive. This makes it difficult for my next door neighbour to get her car out of her drive and they are forced to go on the grass verge.

She won't tell the new people across the road this is a problem and just ignores them. Perhaps there is something you may have done to annoy them and they ignore you instead of telling you. It could be anything, having a bonfire in your back garden or something like that. Or as you say, they could be just strange.

They could at least say hello and a short chat, they sound like odd people

Just remembered that my next door but one neighbours moved out a little while after the new next door neighbours moved in.

Believe it or not, they moved as the new neigbours were (in their estimation) common . Which ties in nicely with the other AIBU thread going at the mo!

People can just be weird, try not to worry about it.

Or ask them.

Thank goodness this happens to others too. At a previous house our next door neighbours never once spoke to us throughout our time living there; from day one we were ignored if we as much as said 'good morning'. Weird. Now where we are, the people over the road are exactly the same! (other neighbours are ok though). Seems there must be people like this in every street. Ignore them! Its not you!

Oh god BBBB, I hate confrontation of any kind! There is no way I would ever have the guts to ask

Car wise, I think we're fine as we only have one car and it's parked firmly on our drive at all times. Infact, its their visitors that park infront of our house! (But I'm much better at dealing with stuff like that!) Smoke free zone here so no bonfires. My kids are quite squealy, perhaps we've made their ears bleed once too often!

The really sad thing is that our kids are the same age and it would be lovely if they could grow up friends, as things stand I think that would be very awkward

I need a mantra for when I start to get stressed out about this!

Thank you Bonneville

How old are your dc, Arora? It could be that the kids decide themselves they want to play and the peculiar neighbours will have to be civil and talk to you because of the dc, especially if they are at the same school and get to know they live next door.

We have one neighbour who will do the basics with me ie. "hello, nice weather isn't it?" and thats it.

However, with DP, OTOH, shes all fluttery eyelashes, laughter whilst tossing back her hair and so on. Amazing how I can go for weeks without seeing her but she'll appear several times a week just as DP gets home or when is outside doing something

Chocolate - the kids are 4 and 2 (ish!), he doesn't go to the same nursery at the moment but presume he'll go to the school. Part of me really hopes they become friends and this madness stops!

Norbert - I think that would pee me off even more . As it is, they are just as stand-offish with him!

We live in a top floor, penthouse type attic conversion flat thingy. There are 8 other flats in the building and some residents we don't ever seem to see. Of the ones we do see there are:

• A couple who were very friendly when we first moved in. DP helped them carry a very heavy TV up the stairs. That was the last we saw of them until the other day when they said a quick hello before dashing off.

• Another couple are nice enough. Went downstairs as was going out with DP and FIL the other night and met them at the bottom. I was on my mobile. Girl was there waiting for her DP who was talking to someone else. She was all grins and i waved and smiled but as I was on the phone I couldn't talk. Saw her today and she said hello but clearly wasn't keen on making any conversation which I thought was odd! (I'm sure she knew that I was on the phone the other night by the way as I ignored DP and FIL when I came downstairs).

• Another couple live with their two kids. They are Eastern European. They are always friendly enough but don't seem to keen to chat too much so we always just smile and say hello.

• Last couple who I have met ALWAYS look grumpy. First time we saw them, just after they had moved in, we said hello as they walked past (quite clearly to them as they made eye contact and there was no one else around). They ignored us totally and kept walking. The fella leaves for work around the same time as me each day, always avoids eye contact, never says hello. I have given up trying once...although I did beat him to the motorway one day to work, not through speeding, I am just a better driver

• Final neighbour is mega friendly, a bit too friendly! Lovely guy but we popped round once to his and him to ours and then the following week he rung our doorbell no less than about 6 times within 2 days to meet up with us. The latest was at 10.40pm! Nice guy and we want to get on with him and socialise with him but it was just all a bit too much considering we both work long days and quite like some quiet evenings now and again. But at least he always says hello and is very friendly! I think the problem is when he drinks. When he drinks he goes on and on and on and repeats the same thing again and again, each time! It's too much! Nice guy though. I do wish more of our neighbours would say hello once in a while!

I think that part of the problem is that people are wary of becoming too friendly (or "encouraging" people) in case they turn out to be like the last neighbour on laza's list.

IME it's best to be on civil but not overfriendly terms, a chat here and there but not best buds, as things can get difficult if there are any falling-outs/neighbour type issues...

Not being civil is weird though. Our neighbours do stuff which pisses us off no end but we still chat to them. If I had the balls I would tell them when they were annoying but I haven't!

Are you friendly enough with other neighbours to have a bitch to ask if they get same treatment/what they think of them?

God yes, I dread having the last neighbour on that list! Home should be a refuge, I thoroughly understand that. BBBB, yes, its the lack of civil behaviour that throws me - I don't want a huge conversation, just a good morning would be ok!

LittlePolly, we get on well with our other direct neighbours but only in a 'passing the time of day' kind of way. You know the general, how are you and how are the kids type conversations. I wouldn't feel I could ask how they get on with them (plus I'd feel awful if everyone else got on great and they were inviting them over for dinner etc!!)

I dont chat to my neighbours , i dont even know their names , if i come face to face with them ill say hello but really do not want to get involved with them, maybe this is the case with yours ?
Often mine are in the garden at the same time and ill politeley nod but thats it.

Previously ive been freindly with a previous neighbour and it went terribly wrong, they were round all the time cadging and borrowing things " have you got a chicken i could borrow till thursday " , involving me in their domestic issues and i could not hang washing out / do any gardening unless i was prepared for a 20 minuite chat.
They were not nasty but a pain in the arse, we could not sit out in the evening without them making their way into our garden to join us, if their parents were round, theyd invite themselves too.
The children could not play out without them dumping their toddler over the fence into my garden and they generally intruded into our lives in every single way , if one arrived home before the other they would come round to our house and stay there until the partner arrived home, we saw them every single day.

Ive moved now and really do not want to get involved beyond anything than a polite greeting with any of my neighbours , as they are neighbours and not freinds.
I do not want them knowing my business and neither do i want to get involved in long chats over the fence every time theyre in the garden.

Doesnt sound like theyre being rude, they acknowledge you , perhaps they are just making it clear they are happy to leave it at that.. I might sound offish, but ive spent a fortune having to sell my house to get away from these people, and while im aware that they are obviously the minority , i would much rather keep myself to myself.

I'm a bit at those who don't want to know their neighbours. When I last lived in the city I had brilliant neighbours all around me (and a few who didn't talk or whatever) and DH and I found them really valuable in all sorts of ways. It's not so much that everyone was in and out of each other's homes all the time, but if there were vandals in the street (two pubs at the foot of the street so this wasn't unusual on a weekend night) we all watched out for each other's vehicles. Once I was trying to fit a new light in my livingroom but couldn't quite manage it - my 'sparks' neighbour did the job for the price of a pint in the local that night. The DH of another neighbour was taken with wandering due to Altzheimers, and neighbours regularly looked out for him/returned him hime safe if he'd "escaped". A young child went missing - everyone turned out to the search (and he was found - with another neighbour!)

Probably the most valuable favour we got was one new year when DH and I were keeping an eye on our next-door neighbour's flat while they were away on a long holiday. He went in to check everything was Ok and discovered a burst pipe in the kitchen! Can you imagine the cost of an emergency plumber on New Year's Day in Scotland? Actually, a nice bottle of whisky - because he was a neighbour.

Now I live rurally and while my neighbours are within walking distance they're not next door. (That is definitely a bonus.) One neighbour is very seriously ill, and lives with her daughter and grand-daughter. All us neighbours help out in what ever small ways we can, and it's that help than enables the granny to stay where she is (which she loves) and not have to return to town.

I supose it depends on everyones personal experiences. I was freindly enough with my new neighbours here for a time, then the inevitable dumping kid over the fence started to happen, and rather cheeky request to drive them here and there, to dos ect so they didnt have to get a taxi back.I didnt even know them really, had just politeley chatted on occasion.

Final straw was a childs birthday party we were having, aprox 30 7 year old children, toddler gets dumped over the fence, along with their freinds toddlers who were also visiting.
Im not a free babysitter and clearly as ive politeley chatted on occasion its was ok to dump their toddler onto me and expect all sorts of favours from me simply because i live next door.

Theres a fine line , im always polite, but ive had 2 experiences of neighbours being like this, ive freinds whove had the nightmare of neighbours in and out of their houses every day, once youve had this its understandable that people are wary.

HandF - that sounds awful , so sorry you had to experience that! It does indeed seem to be a fine line doesn't it. In a totally ideal world I'd have a polite 'Hello, how are you?' and leave it there.

OldLady, your neighbours sound lovely and as if they are helpful but also know their boundaries.

Rain today so i haven't seen them at all. Still feel quite odd about it all but perhaps that is more my problem than theirs iyswim!

Dont feel odd about it, maybe they have had a similar experience to me and just want to keep it like that.

My neighbours probably think im odd, im not hoestly, i just dont want to risk them moving in with me !
Def my problem and not my neighbours, probably the same with yours.