to wonder if my husband thinks my opinion doesn't really count

[unworthy]

just a couple of things of the past few weeks have really peed me off. eldest boy 3.5, youngest 16mnths. bedtime drinks are just milk, and until recently i was still using the follow milk for youngest. now both are on cows milk - the oldest on semi-skimmed, youngest on full fat. Asked hubby when he gives morning, or bedtime drink to please give youngest 'blue' and oldest 'green'. He replied they'll get whatever is in use. It didn't require an answer, and seeing as the 'research' he does into children's health is non existant, a little harsh I thought. am also struggling a little with the spring light evenings to get eldest to bed much before 8.30pm (his normal bedtime is 7.45), which for me is fine, but when hubby came home other night, after a quick drink with a couple of friends, at 8.30pm, his first workds were 'what are you still doing up'.....I am starting to feel that my parenting doesn't count, and he just sees it as wrong!

Have you told him how you feel? Because that's the thing to do.

thnx for responding. Do you knwo what, I am finding it more and more difficult to talk with him about the things that really matter. Don't get me wrong, as husbands and dads go he's OK - but just OK. he and I also run a business together, and quite often do not see eye to eye there either, as a consequence commuincation is at a real time low. you may think me quite arrogant, but i don't feel that he really gets family life, and the kind of commitment it requires.

with the milk thing, i would have reiterated theh point more forcefully. told him that there is a reason hat two separate ones are bought, and he needs to give them the correct milk.
as for the sleep thing, i think a lot of men say such usless crap,and it doesnt mean anything. but i may be wrong

Everyone has different idea's on parenting so it's not really suprising when you both have different idea's, of course you won't always agree I think the key is to talk about why you feel like you do and why he feels like he does then come to a compromise.

Personally I think children under 5 should drink full fat milk and bed no later than 7.30 but hey that's just my opinion and you don't have to listen to it because I'm not their parent your dh should listen to you because you are their mum so he needs to understand that.

I think that's really sad for you - for both of you actually. Nothing kills a marriage faster than failure to communicate.

Do you think there's any way to change that and try to have an honest, open discussion?

I know how hard it is to run a business with your husband! We did just that for 4 years and oh my GOD!

Although we set it up together, he was the boss and I was the office manager and he once called me into his office and told me he was unhappy with my "performance and priorities" and threatened to FIRE ME!!!!!!! We'd been married 3 or 4 years and had 2 kids!!!!

However, we had agreed from day 1 that the only way to run things, was to totally seperate home and work - at home we were equals, husband and wife, but step through that office door and he was the boss.

No carrying rows into work, but equally, when we left work at the end of the day, we left any work related arguments there.

It is the only way to survive working together. Compartmentalise. If that's not already how you do things, I can't advise strongly enough how much that can help.

i think getting this upset about the milk means there are deeper issues or you feel obliged to micro manage his parenting

have you explained why he needs full fat, or is DH presuming oyu are just being picky

he probably feels you thikn he is not capable

think you both need to talk and listen to each other

I agree with Lulumama, perhaps he feels micromanaged?

My DH does things in a much more relaxed/completely different manner with DS than I do and hence has a different relationship with him. For instance this morning I had a lie in, came down to DS on the computer having eaten some cookies for breakfast with DH on the xbox. Not the way I would have done it, but hey they were both happy and it was just one morning.

Does it actually matter what milk they get? Does it matter that bedtime can be at different times? Really?

Life is heaps easier if you just let the small stuff slide.

wow i hear you all so much.....and there are always two sides to every coin, which is why they often make a whole. HecatesTwopenceworth, it brought a tear to my eye...and you know how hard it really is. somedays you just want to walk away from the business side of things, because the little people are far more improtant. Sometimes its just as important being able to vent.....as for the micromanage stuff, I completely take on baord what you are saying, and recognise that is perhaps a trait that I have and get from my mother....we all get something.....signing off for tea now, finally managed to make something from scratch this week tonight, and vow to stop beating my self up! thanks for listening, wich I'd found this site properly sooner...xx