To find it rude that my in-laws don't interact with our friends at DS's parties?

[MrsMerryHenry]

We've now had 3 parties for DS since he was born. At each one my in-laws have sat at the side of the room while everyone else was milling around/ getting stuck in. And there they sat for the entire parties, only talking if people made the effort to go over to them. It sounds odd but it came across like a snooty royal couple not wanting to stoop to everyone else's level.

The first two parties were held in a local hall where the only seats were built-in, so I assumed that they were tired (they're in their 70s) and preferred to rest their legs, and I actually felt sorry for them that we couldn't move their seats closer to the action.

But we held the third party in our home, so they were right next to everybody. DH and I made sure we introduced everybody to them as soon as new people arrived and engaged them in conversation with said people, then...nothing. Not a peep, apart from MIL instructing my friend to use a napkin for her cake (wtf??). They remained seated the whole time, and then left very early.

I can understand it more from my FIL as he's often rather uncomfortable in social situations, but MIL is really sociable and incredibly chatty with her own friends and strangers. She loves organising social events and they're both physically fit and very active.

When we go to parties at their place we always make an effort with everybody.

DH and I both thought they have behaved rather oddly and rudely, and tbh I'd rather they didn't come to future parties - but you can hardly omit to invite people to their grandchildrens' birthday parties, can you?

Sounds like they feel uncomfortable and don't want to get in the way.

LOL at this. One of the things that stopped me having a big party for ds1 was the thought that my MIL and - far, far worse - my parents might interact with my friends.

It's difficult, this generation issue.

My dd's 10 now + we let her choose a friend or two to go somewhere special on her birthday. Until recently though, she's had a big party every year, playcentres/discos/swimming parties, the lot!

My parents went to all of them, but the thing that annoyed me about my mum, was her "taking over". If I was organising a game she'd stride in, "Oh that'll never work, let me show you", + get the kids doing something completely different, rolling her eyes at my friends, (the other parents)! I felt totally undermined.

At playcentre parties she just couldn't seem to cope with all the noise, sat there + chatted a bit but couldn't mask her tension.
(My dad was always fine, he goes with the flow)!

I started suggesting that we'd see them on a different day to the party, even tried the "You wouldn't like it, it'll be so noisy!" She seemed offended though, "Of course I'll be there, I'm the grandma aren't I?!"

She did come on my dd's birthday treat last year with us + dd's best friend. She was fine, so relaxed + good company. I can only think she found the whole "young children" issue too much + took it out on me inadvertently. I spoke to her a few times when I felt she'd undermined me at these parties + she seemed genuinely upset, oblivious to the fact she'd even done anything!

I think the OP should give the grandparents an option, or present it in a way that one day will be for the children's friends, but they're welcome to come for a "family" birthday tea the following day!

They maybe feel less sociable and more self-conscious on someone else's territory.

If it annoys you so much, I'd stop having big family parties for your ds. Just have a few of his own pals over as he gets bigger.

It gets to the stage where family can't attend every child's party in the year.

'My parents went to all of them, but the thing that annoyed me about my mum, was her "taking over". '

Exactly-your poor PIL are trying not to do this and are then in trouble!! You can't win!

YABU .They are obviously not all that comfortable , yet they still make the effort to come.

It's great to hear that many of you have the same experience as me! As I said before it's not so much my FIL that I feel is being rude, as he's definitely not comfortable in social situations. But not only is MIL incredibly sociable, but she's the one who keeps inviting herself along to the parties! Our most recent party in fact was only meant for DS and his friends/ their parents, but once MIL heard about it she said she really wanted to come along. And then just sat there...

Good to know it won't last forever.

Perhaps she just likes to see your DC having fun and her enjoyment comes from observing, rather than interacting. They could be a lot more troublesome if they decided to be the life and soul of the party!!

pisces - you may be right. I think our discomfort comes from the fact that she's not an easy person anyway - prone to irritation at the drop of a hat. So when she comes to the parties and behaves so out of character we feel as if we'd somehow offended her but don't know why.

It's such a shame as I know lots of gps who get involved and chat to their children's friends at their gcs' parties. I think I'll definitely do the gps' birthday tea thing from now on.