to be put off a potential group of new friends because of how much they drink?!

[kettlechip]

Went out with a new group the other night, I'm fairly new to our area and trying to meet new people. It's one of those which is a socialising and charitable works kind of groups (sort of like Rotary, but not that!)

We met in a local pub on a weeknight for what I'd been told was going to be a low key evening. I'd ordered a soft drink when I arrived but everyone else was drinking - about a bottle each of wine plus bar drinks. I had countless questions about why I wasn't drinking - (not being judgey of people drinking - I love a big chilled glass of wine but since dc's more than one glass gets me a bit wobbly, makes me feel sick or puts me to sleep so I tend just to drink with meals or a glass at home. Plus I have to get up at 6 with the dc's while DH works away all week.. not fun with a hangover.)

So then I got shown all the photos of their nights out drinking, and told all the tales of them being dressed in mad outfits collecting money in local seedy clubs and then getting drunk. I felt like I'd gone back to sixth form.

It's a real shame as most of them seemed lovely, and I'd like to get involved with some charity stuff but I can't be doing with that relentless pressure to drink to fit in, and to define a good night by getting drunk. It's really put me off joining tbh. Am I being a little bit square here?

If you don't drink and they do and both understand the other's perspective that's fine. If they are pressuring you to drink then that's not on. I hate that kind of bullying behaviour where they sneakily but a Bacardi in your coke etc...

Individually, rather than in groups, they're probably ok - there can be a bit of a pack mentality when it comes to drinking.

I think people are all different and if you don't like drinking then probably they are not the right friends for you.

It wouldn't be much fun for you to be the only sober one on a night out - I know from bitter experience at family parties when I have been pregnant! Drunk people are very irritating if you are sober.

I would feel the same, my days of getting trashed and frequenting seedy pubs are long gone. i can't bear facing a weekend on my own with teh children with a hangover. if they are going to be funny about you not drinking, i would stick to daytime meet ups and let them get out of it without you.

i just would not enjoy it. it just does not thrill me to spend the evening getting hammered, falling over ( i can do that sober!!) and wondering how i got home, whilst i puke up the next morning

YANBU. I am tee-total for no reason other than I am really and truly not bothered about drinking and don't see its appeal. I fully accept that other people like a bit of a drink and fair play but it can be a bit dull if that's all they're into.

YANBU, they sounds a bit sad really. I'm all for a good night out and having some fun but there's no reason why not drinking means you can't have a good time and if they're so hung up on that, it's a bit pathetic.
Shame if you had liked them pre-night out!

YANBU because shouldnt ever feel that you need to keep up with drinking if you dont want to.

What are the ages of this new group of friends?

That said, i have to admit to having a blast of a night out on saturday where after having far too much to drink, i fell asleep on the loo for about an hour and my mates thought i had gone home

Where do you live?? You can be my friend! I don't drink..

seriously though, since I've stopped drinking entirely, I'm finding it really difficult to have contact with my heavy drinking friends. The attitude of not being able to have a good time without drinking to oblivion and beyond really doesn't appeal. I also get a lot of 'well, I could stop drinking if I wanted, but I don;twant to,' which I'm not really interested in. I choose not to drink because I don;t like what it was doing to me but am made to feel like some kind of wierdo! Not unreasonable of you at all..

YANBU - they sound a bit like me

And if your idea of a good time doesn't match theirs it's probably not going to work.

Only thing is to join in with daytime stuff but leave them to it on nights out/boozy lunches.

they sound great - i want them!

i don't drink during the week becuase hangovers are a bastard that i can't cope with and my kids and work and everything would fall to shit...and i don't think thee is any shame in saying that - and i don't think you are square

yanbu
they might just be showing off a bit though?

YANBU, but yeah they may just be showing off a bit, and tbh that kind of drinking has become fairly ordinary. i'm not saying it's right - actually i think it's wrong - but a heck of a lot of people in this country seem to define a good night as a drunk night.

YANBU - i would run a mile from people like that - no point in wasting time with people who can't have a good time without getting wasted imo. Might as well put more effort into finding people that aren't pissheads!

I wondered if I'd be flamed for being dull, so very pleased that it's not just me who feels like this. I love a few drinks, but binge drinking and drinking games just hold no appeal any more.

Funnily enough a couple of people who were there got in touch with me today and said that they'd felt very uncomfortable with it all too. Ages ranged from about 25-50 I guess. One of the oldest women was horrid, a really snobby lady who looked us up and down when we arrived, and repeatedly asked me to repeat and then mispronounced my name (it's not a difficult one either!!)

It's definitely the pack mentality thing, I didn't feel that I could admit to not being a hard drinker, and there was also a lot of pressure to sign up as a member of their group. I think I'm going to say that if the group revolves around boozy nights it's probably not for me, and meet up with the people I did like separately.