to think this would be so different if I had a willy to wave

[itsbeingsocheerful]

I work part-time, odd, inconsistent hours but around five days a month in a relatively new family business. My DH is the CEO.

I expected not to get the full rate for my high-level and pretty integral role, for which i have been fully trained. And was I happy in the belief that all involved were being treated equally.

But I have just discovered that a non-family member, who has been involved from the start in an equally important, but different role, and works less hours, gets twice what I do a month.

When I tried to discuss this discrepancy I was told that HE would be almost impossible to replace, but when I countered with what would they do if I quit was told, we'd just have to replace you. What on less than half the going rate for the job?

I'm so angry at being treated so dismissively. But when I tried to express this I was told that no one was treating me dismissively and that it was all based on a dialogue in my head. Aargh!

I really want to just quit, and see how they cope, but I know I won't - too much rides on this for the whole family.

And should I be able to separate this out from my relationship with not-quite-so DH

Well I think if you can stay really calm and stick the facts you have a good case.

present your case, and if it's not listened to and changes made, then don't continue to seethe. You're worth what somebody is prepared to pay you (grrrrrr) and prove it by going out and finding a better job.

Leave them in the lurch. Your husband might have a ding dong moment where he realises that you were doing a hard job well, not that the company was doing you a favour by employing you.

Is the other bloke family as well?

Has he put the same investment into the business as you and DH?

I don't know much about all this but on what basis is he getting more than you and your DH - presumably his stake is much lower - otherwise how does that make sense? Or is he the total key to the whole enterprise?

The whole "pin money" feeling would drive me mental, and the fact it was kept quiet is terrible.

But then I am very nosy and control all the finances in the family and so can't imagine this happening really

Sorry I'm probably not helping!

Can you do less in the business? Maybe only take on things that are in your job description although if your anything like me then you won't have one. I know how crappy it can be dh and i never used to argue but we certainly have some heated debates now.

Work out how many hours you would be doing for your money if you were paid the same as the other guy. Then do those hours for a month.

You should get paid for doing what you do. If less than the market rate is called for because things are hard then you should all have that - say all 20% less than your market rates. And it should be based on the number of hours each of you work.

If the other employee/director has put more money in he should have more shares (if its a limited company) and therefore a higher dividend when the profits roll in. That's how he gets rewarded for his investment of money. If he has loaned the company money rather than invested in shares then he gets his interest.

The amount invested shouldn't affect salaries, that should reflect what you do, how much you do and how well you do it.

That's my take on it anyway. One opinion of many!!

Have you bugged my house Wolfnipple? Yes he does feel indebted to the other man, it was he who introduced him to the main investors in the company, outside of family. Now he gets paid for 'networking' and 'making introductions'.He probably is worth his money, (he holds less shares) but then so am I.

And it's the feeling, which may well have its origins at home rather than the office, that I have somehow become the minion in all this and not a main player, that really winds me up. The money is just a concrete example, which DH ought to understand, even if he struggles to understand my feelings of being belittle and undermined in more subtle, probably less conscious ways.

Anyway, thank you all. I think I should probably stop whingeing and going round in circles and let you good ladies get your teeth into some real problems. And that Friday night bottle. Cheers

Bah, i've had all these arguments before, dh and i should be 50:50 business partners but i have the kids the majority of the time and also he meets clients more than i do, i often feel resentful because people ask to speak to him or he has developed his own little system for doing things, i went through a really hard time about it but i can't be arsed arguing about it now, business is good, we're making money and while he gets his knickers in a twist i do the bare minimum but get half the profits.

My mum, a femnist, constantly says well thats a womans lot.

i've just noticed you hold less shares. I would insist your dh gives some of his to you, that way you will both benefit from the profits in the now but you remain financially independent and they rely on you for input.

feminist.

What I don't get is that it would probably be more efficient in tax terms to redistribute some of his income to you, unless you are both in the same tax bracket?

good point ib.