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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave 9 week old baby overnight?

48 replies

Feeltrapped · 23/04/2009 21:34

My mum, sister and I are going out to a dinner dance thing on Saturday night - I I love going out with mum and sis and its a posh do so an excuse to get dressed up for a change. We have provisionally booked a room in the hotel so we can stay over (can cancel up to 4pm on day of arrival).

This means DP will have to look after DS all night, something he hasn't done before. I am exclusively breastfeeding so am expressing enough milk for the feeds I will miss and will leave these all made up and ready for DP.

I know I will miss DS but I thought I was fine with this - but suddenly I feel really guilty and unsure about it, especially as I was talking to my step sister/best friend about it earlier and she said she wouldn't even have considered it (she wasn't being horrible in any way, just saying it wouldn't have crossed her mind to go while still b/f).

I know DP will look after DS just fine but I can't help worrying that he wont hear DS in the night (he doesn't normally but I guess that's because I get up to DS before he starts crying). I'm also worried that DS will miss me - is that really silly?

Please be honest, am I being really selfish to leave DS at such an early age?

OP posts:

katiestar · 24/04/2009 09:32

My honest opinion is that he is too young.I had to have an operation when one of my babies was a similar age and she was extremely distressed and cried most of the night.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 24/04/2009 09:41

Go have fun, don't forget to express.

Original poster

Feeltrapped · 24/04/2009 10:47

Katiestar - sorry that your DD was so distressed when you weren't there. Of course this is my main concern but I geneuinely don't think DS would be distressed though or I wouldn't even consider going. Although DP has never looked after him on his own before, a couple of weeks ago I expressed milk so that he could give him the night feeds and I could get a full nights sleep for the first time in 8 weeks! (Of course it didn't work out like that as I woke before DP everytime and then had to get up at 5am to express anyway but hey ho!) Anyway the point I was trying to make is that DS didn't seem to be at all bothered that is was Daddy getting up to him not mummy.

TO be honest as much as I love to convince myself that DS adores me as much as I do him, the truth is his main concern is getting fed - he is less fussed who that is by!

Obviously if he was unwell/off colour that would be a different matter but in that case DP would let me know and I would be back straight away.

Dysgu - I think your point that it will be harder on me than him is probably very true. Also as you an several others have pointed out it is probably easier now than when DS is 2.

Anyway I think I am over analysing this now so I am going to leave the plans as they are (unless I can persuade DP to stay at the hotel) and just get a cab home if I don't feel comfortable staying on the night.

Thanks again x

OP posts:

babyignoramus · 24/04/2009 11:18

If it helps, my DS is 8 weeks and I've been out at least once a week for the last month - his Dad has to leave him with me every day to go to work so I look on it as time for them to bond as well as down time for me. I've spent some nights in the spare room to catch up on sleep while DH does the night feeds. We've also been out for 2 evenings as a couple while he was babysat. If that makes me selfish then so be it, but I think it's better for him in the long run to be equally reliant on both parents, and to become reasonably independent of both of us - I think of it as good preparation for when I have to go back to work!

That said, I am lucky to have an easy going baby who doesn't seem to care who's looking after him, as long as he gets food and cuddles!

Didn't mean to ramble so much - but I think YANBU - you are leaving him with his dad after all.

Gorionine · 24/04/2009 11:24

If you are sure your Ds will take a bottle I do not think YANBU. You are leaving him with his dad, not abandonning him.

Original poster

Feeltrapped · 24/04/2009 12:15

Thanks guys - I think I'm beginning to lose my perpective about this. As you point out I'm leaving his with his dad, not some random 15 year old I found in the yellow pages!

OP posts:

TheShipsCat · 24/04/2009 12:21

YANBU! Have fun, enjoy yourself - and let DH enjoy his time with LO too.

daisydora · 24/04/2009 12:25

I'm just jealous your DS takes a bottle

Mine won't which is the only reason I haven't left him overnight yet(5 months)

Go, have a fab time. I hope you and your DP enjoy your nights!

daisydora · 24/04/2009 12:25

I'm just jealous your DS takes a bottle

Mine won't which is the only reason I haven't left him overnight yet(5 months)

Go, have a fab time. I hope you and your DP enjoy your nights!

daisydora · 24/04/2009 12:25

I'm just jealous your DS takes a bottle

Mine won't which is the only reason I haven't left him overnight yet(5 months)

Go, have a fab time. I hope you and your DP enjoy your nights!

daisydora · 24/04/2009 12:25

I'm just jealous your DS takes a bottle

Mine won't which is the only reason I haven't left him overnight yet(5 months)

Go, have a fab time. I hope you and your DP enjoy your nights!

daisydora · 24/04/2009 12:26

Woah...what happened there

lilackaty · 24/04/2009 12:28

I went on my hen weekend when dd was 8 weeks old - I left her with my mum, dad and sister for 2 nights and I left ds overnight regularly from when he was 1 month old but I had PND and he didn't really sleep. I wasn't breastfeeding either of them though.

IheartNY · 24/04/2009 12:35

not selfish at all! you go and enjoy yourself.
for your ds it will be no different to the other night when you had a rest and your dh did the night feeds.
for you it will be a refreshing break - make sure you stay over to get the benefit of the full nights sleep!!!
if your ds is very unsettled your dh can call you and you can go home, i expect your dh is reluctant on the hotel idea as he is keen to have some daddy son time alone and to prove to you that he can do a great job by himself. i expect he wants you to have a well deserved break too!

SouthernLights · 24/04/2009 12:36

YANBU. You need to go with what feels comfortable for you, and don't be influenced by people who say they couldn't do it. That's them, not you.

When DD was 2.5 months DH and I went for a night out in London (from 4pm until after midnight) and DD was cared for - very competently, I might add - by my MIL. I have worked full time nights since DD was 5 months old, and her dad copes very well. She's 8 months now, and will shortly be going to stay with my parents (200 miles away!) for a couple of weeks as I have to do a course for work during the day and DH couldn't get the time off.

Your baby will be with someone who loves him as much as you do - and TBH, at 8 weeks, as long as he gets fed and cuddled I don't think he will really mind who's doing it!

messymissy · 24/04/2009 12:37

Hello - haven't had time to read all the posts but would say have fun and good luck to DP for the night

BUT

i had to leave DD when tiny for about 7 hours - by the time I got back my boobs were agony ready to explode!!

expressing so DP has bottles to feed the baby is one thing - but your boobs will be expecting to feed at the missed feeds, so watch out! you might have to express while you are away from your baby just to make yourself comfortable!

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/04/2009 13:17

yanbu at all

you have thought it all out, baby happily takes bottle and you are leaving your baby with the next best thing to you - his other parent

its one night, and as long as you rem to take your pump, sure you will have a nice night, and if the worst comes to the worst, yas you said, you can take a taxi home

bratnav · 24/04/2009 13:22

YANBU a night out will be a fantastic thing for you and therefore for your DS.

My DSis wanted a 'date night' with her DP when her DS was around the same age, so DH and I had him overnight. He was fine

Jojay · 24/04/2009 13:24

YANBU , that's why babies have TWO parents!!

The breastfeeding makes it a little more complicated, but EBM and a pump for you will sort that one out.

Have a lovely time

Jojay · 24/04/2009 13:28

And by the way, I had to spend a night in hospital with DS1 when DS2 was 12 wks old and fully breast fed.

DH had him at home and was absolutely fine. He'd had bottles of EBM before - he had to have some formula as it was an emergency and I hadn't built up a stash of EMB. I took my hand pump to hospital and pumped when I would have fed.

I have to say, I didn't miss DS2 one bit, and he didn't appear to miss me either.

That sounds awful reading that back - I love him lots, honestly, but compared to what was going on with DS1 at the time (severe asthma attack), leaving DS2 to spend the night with his father was the least of my worries.

For the record, he's now 6 months and has refused a bottle ever since though..... maybe that's his way of showing that he did miss me after all!!

ElenorRigby · 24/04/2009 14:05

Not something I could do, DD is 20 months now and I've not left her overnight
For peace of mind let your DP have a couple more nights of feeds to make sure your baby and DP are ok with it.

theyoungvisiter · 24/04/2009 14:17

but feeltrapped - you must do what you feel comfortable with.

If you are comfortable leaving him at 9 weeks then by all means do it.

But I am not sure from your first post and this last one whether you are really keen on the idea?

If you don't want to leave him then please don't feel pressured into it. It's ok to leave your baby if you are confident about it but it's equally ok to want to be with them 24/7 for an extended period.

There is a surprising amount of pressure (I think) to get back to "normal" after you've had a baby and act as if nothing's happened.

What I am saying is don't feel guilty about doing what you want, but be sure it is what YOU want, not what your mum/sis/partner/neighbour/stranger you met in the park thinks is right.

motheroftwoboys · 24/04/2009 14:21

I had to do this - not out of choice - because (back in the olden days I had to go back to work when DS 1 was just 3 months and the first week I was back they sent me away on overnight stays (I worked in tv). I think they did it just to test me out. I don't think they would get away with it now! I was half BF half bottle at that stage (as I knew I was going back to work) but I expressed loads when I was away and then carried on BF at night for quite a few months. DS was fine with DH.

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