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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be irritated by ballet teacher telling the mums we can't watch any more...

62 replies

jamsandwich · 22/04/2009 20:47

they're doing pre-school ballet FFS, none of us expect them to become professional. It's just a laugh for them (and oh, such enertainment for us); learning real ballet moves is way down the list of why she's there as far as I'm concerned. DD (3.7) started ballet last term and the mums started off in the hall and we have gradually and happily backed off into a little foyer area where we can still see each other, but they generally get on with it.
But there is one kid who does quite often come to talk to her mum, so disrupting the class, so I feel like it's just a reaction to her.

DD is anxious in social settings, selectively mute and I just think if she can't see me and be reassured by that, it's going to stop being fun for her and start being like going to nursery on her own, which she does 3 days per week.

Do other pre-school ballet mummies have to leave the building when their Dying Swans take to the floor?

OP posts:

Original poster

jamsandwich · 22/04/2009 22:20

LOL about lalalonglegs experience. Madness.

OP posts:

ILoveOurNanny · 22/04/2009 22:21

dd's ballet school let mothers of newbies watch the first class. Then we're turfed out. It's pretty hardcore.

Karam · 22/04/2009 22:27

My DD does ballet. She is just 2 and the norm is that we leave them in the room, but wait outside and watch through the window (if you can be bothered). It is not a strict ballet school at this age either - they wear wings and pretend to be fairies, do the usual toe pointing and hopping and prancing about. But she has learnt loads, she has learnt to skip, walk on her tip toes and so on. Most importantly, she loves it. Therefore, I have no problem with leaving her in there. However, in your scenario - I'd speak to the teacher. Maybe agree to give it a go, but see if you could go in as a helper or something if she does have problems?? Fraid I think it is the norm though.

cat64 · 22/04/2009 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

livvyanddaisymummy · 22/04/2009 22:39

Is the norm where we live.
My eldest DD has been going to ballet for 5 years and i've only ever been allowed to watch a lesson once.

We see all of the shows etc but not allowed to watch her classes.

I would have loved to have seen her in lessons, especially when she was really young but they were strict.

All of us mums left outside sit in the foyer and chat while the girls dance. My Saturdays wouldn't be the same without it now!

wolfnipplechips · 22/04/2009 22:46

ok IA probably being a bit U but i take ballet seriously and used to dance myself. I chose an RAD dance school as, for me its not about the having fun although that is obviously important its about starting out on the correct path so as should my dd choose to want to dance she has learned good habits.

dilemma do our dds go to the same class? Bailey Cox?

My dd does not wear pink tutus or anything like that so thats not why she goes. She really enjoys that i leave her and will never tell me what she has been doing which kills me but she's in a show in June and it makes it all the more exciting.

I would say the main reason the teacher has done this is so as she can maintain the kids concentration.

BeckhamSpice · 22/04/2009 22:54

Maybe they want you out so you don't see how bloody repetitive and samey it is every week.
As was my dd's experience.

I would hear exactly the same very babyish music tape every week (think nursery rhymes) and it looked a bit like ballet groundhog day whenever i sneaked a peek.

My dd (aged 3) finally told me she was bored and could we find please not go any more.. ... Her initial enthusiasm ground down in a never ending loop of 'wheels on the fricking bus'.

I appreciate it's not the Royal Ballet but change the tape/vary the moves pleeese! I have one v. disappointed dd (and a lovely pair of nearly new pink satin ballet relegated to the dressing up box).

islandofsodor · 22/04/2009 22:59

I have taught 4 year olds drama and it can be a nightmare having parents in. The child is more concerned about what mummy is doing or thingking and they tensd to lose their inhibitions better when parents are not there.

I have had two selective mutes in my classes and both benefitted greatly. One in particular clammed up much more when mum was around.

I have never been allowed into dd's ballet class and I wouldn;t want to be. I t was hard when I had her in my class but she did learn to adapt.

BeehiveBaby · 22/04/2009 23:00

We are allowed to watch but it is chaos

blossomsmine · 22/04/2009 23:02

I haven't read the whole thread

My dd does loads of different types of dance classes and we are not allowed to watch in any of them. Well, we are in the 'fun' hip hop class, thats all.

As for ballet, tap, modern and jazz, a big NO, no parents at all, and they get told off for peaking through the window!

I think it is the way it should be, there is obviously a good reason otherwise most dance teachers wouldn't do it, surely? I presume it is because of concentration, the teacher probably feels more comfortable without parents eyes on her/him etc.,

Also i think parents are bound to chat and that would be a disturbance.

I am happy to wait outside until the time comes that i am lucky enough to see a performance/show or she shows me her exam routines.

nappyaddict · 22/04/2009 23:03

What exactly is jazz anyway?

islandofsodor · 22/04/2009 23:07

traditional jazz dance is similar to tap in style I guess but in soft soled jazz shoes. You see a lot of it in musical theatre. It has also evolved into a more modern style and there is street jazz too.

blossomsmine · 22/04/2009 23:15

Exactly Islandofsodor

Jazz seems to be quite important, dd is about to start auditioning for dance colleges soon and they are all asking about her dance classes/exams etc.,

Street jazz and commercial jazz (like the dance you see in some pop videos, although not hiphop/street) is good aswell

mayorquimby · 22/04/2009 23:43

christ i wish i was allowed to tell the parents of the kids i coach football to just bugger off and let me get on with it.

nappyaddict · 22/04/2009 23:51

What sort of jazz is this

nappyaddict · 22/04/2009 23:52

blossom why is hiphop/street not good?

thirtypence · 23/04/2009 05:32

I think that the main reason that parents are turfed out is tradition. After all you can't claim that parents cause x, y or z if you've never tried having them around.

Meanwhile the age that we allow our children to do scheduled activities is getting younger and younger, and the activities themselves haven't adapted.

Lots of people have more than one child, and whilst I can cope with that in a music class - it wouldn't work for dance.

Docbunches · 23/04/2009 09:54

At my DD's dance school, they have a watching class for ballet and tap/modern once a term, plus a big show every two years. This works really well.

Even though my DD's dance school is not a really serious one, there are still one or two pushy mums who like making comparisons and think their little darlings should be fasttracked through the RAD syllabus.

I think this is one of the reasons why they tend to not like parents watching - same thing applies with swimming lessons, IME.

bleh · 23/04/2009 10:06

TBH, at 3 years old, although there is some teaching of the basics, "proper" ballet instruction (that is, for people with the intention of going on to become professionals) should not start until someone is at least 10 years old (preferably older). Before then, the child's body is just not developed enough to cope with the strain. One of the people I did ballet with, who went on to train to be a professional, did not start until she was about 8 or 9 (I think). If you're that talented, then you can learn the basics later on and build from there.

tjacksonpfc · 23/04/2009 10:13

readin all these comments about ballet i think im glad my dd who initally wanted to do ballet opted for taekwondo instead.

my dd started taekwondo the day after her 4th birthday and has been training twice a week since then and been grading and loving every minute of it.

we as parents are activly encouraged to stay and watch the training sessions which i think is god for everyone concerned.

tjacksonpfc · 23/04/2009 10:14

good for everyone even

blossomsmine · 23/04/2009 14:12

nappyaddict, oh no, i didn't mean hip/hop and street wasn't good (my dd would kill me lol!) I don't think i got myself over properly! I was saying that, or meant to explain that commercial jazz is like the dance you see in lots of music videos and that that is slightly different to street/hiphop! Thats all

Street and hip hop are great and you often find (or at least we do at dd's dance school) that the kids that aren't particularly into jazz/disco freestyle/ballet are brilliant at street It also gets alot of boys involved round our way as they like to think street is more boyish that ballet.....although i have to say there is nothing like watching a good boy ballet dancer

Hope you get the drift of what i was going on about now!

blossomsmine · 23/04/2009 14:19

nappyaddict, just looked at the utube video, i love that song from Hairspray

That is jazz, that is the kind of dance you would also learn at dance college, on a musical theatre course. But you can see there are lots of other elements in the dance.....some street, breakdance, even some disco freestyle so it could be classed as commercial jazz. But whatever way you look at it is jazz which my dd takes classes with the istd.

Its a brilliant basis for many kinds of dance. If you go to see any West End shows you will see this, i love it

Hope that helps.

HSMM · 23/04/2009 14:20

We're allowed to watch once a term and it is lovely to see how much they have learned. If a child is really distressed without their parent, then the parent is allowed to come in, but it is definitely discouraged.

LaaDeDa · 23/04/2009 14:43

I taught dancing and would only allow parents to stay for the first couple of lessons.
Most children are less inhibited when the parents aren't there and they can sometimes be clingy or mess around because the parent is there.
I would do a little performance every term and invite the parents to watch the class itself every term too. If a grandparent was visiting and wanted to watch as a one off i would allow that but in general the class ran better with no onlookers.

My dd went a few times to a ballet class where the parents stayed. The teacher ended up with parents calling out to their child while the class was going - enforcing their own discipline rather that letting the teacher sort it out. Some of the siblings started joining in and running round the room too which, if you've paid for your child to be there, is annoying.
Found her another street dance class in the end - where the parents didn't stay!

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