To hate it when people say "Oh, real tears!!"

[CherryChoc]

Why do people say this when they see tears on a crying baby's cheeks? Is it supposed to be that if a baby is crying and has tears, it is really upset (as opposed to being manipulative or something ) and therefore needs more sympathy?

It just doesn't make sense. Also I think I might be being a tiny bit sensitive to it because my DS has had tears nearly every single time he cries, ever since he was born and it just makes me feel a bit shit tbh, when someone goes "Oh, real tears!" because I think they are thinking I am cold for not taking his crying with real tears seriously enough.

Apparently real tears in small babies do indicate that they are especially wound up or upset.

I don't think when people say it, they are implying any judgement of you though...

Aww, you are being too sensitive I think! I would assume it is a comment on extreme cuteness: they are like a doll, but real and gorgeous IYSWIM?

Yeah, we just comment on our dds real tears because they are incredibly cute!

Ahh but lots of babies don't produce enough tears for them to be noticable until they are several months old so if you have a teeny baby that has 'proper' tears they are probably just surprised to see them iykwim.

Agree with Butterball - people tend to think that small babies don't have tears. Actually I think I said it to DS the first time he had real tears because I was surprised (and upset that he was so upset)!

I can see where you are coming from.
My DS cries an awful lot of real tears, but I am not sure that he is especially upset every time we see them.
So I prob wouldn't react accordingly, to some, either.

I read that it's because very young babies don't produce tears when they cry as they don't have the neural wiring to produce tears when emotionally distressed; that only kicks in when they are two or three months old, so a young baby with real tears is a big thing.

I don't think it's a reflection on your parenting ability, just one of those things that people say.

hmm, I used to get upset before DS really produced tears as my aunt would always comment when he was miserably wailing his little heart out that he had no tears(and therefore implying he was faking being upset)

FFS woman, he was 3 months old! And you wonder why Im not going to use you for childcare?

I think you should stop worrying what people say about your kids.

You've got years of it ahead

It also generally tends to be people who have been through the manipulative bit with another older child who say this, so still use the sight of tears as an indication of what level of anger/exasperation they should be at .