to say its not ideal to have a baby when you're a teenager?

[PSCMUM]

its not is it? except it was for me. but i look at others and i think ..you poor people, and your poor children, and o my god what a disaster for everyone. And then I look at myself and I feel really proud. IS that how all teen mums feel? like we've triumphed over the odds?

am I just being a comlpete and utter snob? I probably am. I don't know. I really just don't know.

I don't think it's something teenagers should actively plan, but I don't think being a teenaged mother necessarily has to be the disaster the Daily Mail would like us to think it is. I have school friends who had their first babies in their teens and are happily settled with their partners/husbands, have more children and are working or able to financially support themselves.

A teenager can mean many things, from a mature 19yo in a stable relationship to a confused and bewildered child of 13. Can't really compare the two. And you can't really compare two 16yos either; they may differ wildly in terms of maturity and ability to cope.

PSCMUM - I dont think you're being a snob because i feel the same, But i think there's a few different types of teen mum, They are stereotyped to be 'bad' mums in a way... not by everyone dont want to cause an argument here! But reality is some young mums make better mums that someone older, married, career etc.. its all dependant on the individual i think.

But i do feel extra proud as i feel alot of people my age and my friends wouldnt have coped with what i have so far and managed to look on the bright side and completely sort out my life and grow up QUICK! (sounds snobby i know but s'how i feel )

I had dd1 when i was 19 but i think if any of my dd's got pregnant eny earlier i would be really dissapointed, mainly that they hadn't "lived" enough before settling down.

There's teens and teens aren't there, 19 in your own place with a few years of working under your belt probably isn't the worse idea in the world, you could have 5 years at home with the child, do an OU degree and still end up in the same place as most of your peers who went to Uni without the £30k of debt.
I'd say though for the majority it's a bad idea though.

I'd point blank refuse to have the debt but that's me, I think it's an outrage that students today have to pay for something which was free just 15 years ago, so that's why I'd go the OU route, but you're right if you were less militant then the other way is fine too

sorrento your first post described me exactly!!

IMO there is no ideal. There are so many variables in peoples lives which can make it impossible to pinpoint the best age to have a baby/start a family.

All we can hope for is that every child is brought up as well as it can be regardless of its mothers age.

OP I am really proud of myself too - I went from a promiscuous, binge-drinking, drug taking, self harming, severely depressed 18 year old to a mature, responsible young woman with a very bright and beautiful child who is now getting a degree

err thats me getting as degree btw - DD is clever but not so clever that she's at university level aged 2!!

I had my 1st child at 17 and everyone said my parents would bring the child up ...hmmmm wrong i did it myself and my child is a very bright child with good manners , most of the time . Had my 2nd child at 29 and he has been hard work and I've needed help with him more than the 1st one , i dont think it depends on what age you are its how you deal with it . But i cant stand to see young girls that have babies and use them as a fashion accessory and only have their own child for a few hours while the grandparents bring them up as they are missing out in so much of their own childs life

Depends on the teenager! I was 19 when I had DS1, and had been with Oh for 3 1/2 years. Ok so we didn't have a house and I was at college, but he had been told he proabably couldn't have children, and that his chances would decrease with age. As soon as we knew we were expecting, we rented a place, and started getting ready for the baby (we had started saving for a wedding so it was our own money not the sure start grant)

OH's sister is now pregnant at 19. The father is someone she met on the internet, who claimed his step-dad was beating him up, so MIL stupidly allowed him to move into her house. SIL was pregnant within 3 weeks! The lad (he is 18) lived there for 5 months, never bothered to find work, or sign on the dole, never paid any rent etc etc. She is totally uninterested in the baby. She hasn't told any of her friends she is pregnant, hasn't even started looking at things for it, says she wants to move out but is too busy on the X-box to look for a house, and is definately not ready for a baby!

I do think "living" these days is a bit over rated, what do they mean by that, consuming a load of rubbish to fill up the land fills, binge drinking into a stupior, travelling the world and getting trashed, stoned, disrespecting other peoples cultures ?
There's far worse my daughters could do in their late teens.
I have a lot of friends who've compromised massively on the man they've married because the clock is ticking, brilliant women who've married twats because they are in their late 30's, have lived and are now panicking, much better to have got it on with the local Romeo from school and seen where you end up

Well, biologically, it's the perfect age to have a baby. WRT socially/psychologically, it depends on so many different factors - but it;s worth remembering that even when there are a lot of negatives stacked up (very young teen, the sperm-depositor not interested or not even traceable, family poverty etc) there can still be a positive outcome. And the nice middle-class girl who gets pregnant within marriage at the age of 25 can end up in a refuge on benefits if Dream Hubby turns abusive.

I think there would be something to be said for accepting that for some, it's better to go off and have babies as a late teen, then when you feel you have the time, study or return to work straight - rather than working through your twenties, trying to find a mate in your thirties, then discovering at 38 that you've missed the fertility boat/increased risk of problems in pregnancy etc.

I loved being a carefree student and wouldn't want to have had a baby then, but it does seem we work against our own bodies in the current work culture.

It depends what angle you are looking at it from.From a biological POV your teens are the best age to have babies.

I was 19 when I had my lovely dd, I am 21 now. I met my dp when we were 16 and we were/ are both working and provide for our family. People generally assume that we are on benefits, are crap parents, palm her off on the gps etc, but it really couldnt be further from the truth. We adore our dd and put her first in everything. I dont think your life stops when you have a child, it just changes direction and you can be a success if you work hard enough. Giving birth and raising our dd is the one thing I am most proud of, it beats any qualifications I have, hands down! When I told everyone I was pregnant, quite a lot of people were rude about how we were young and unmarried. One even told me "well at least it wasnt a one night stand!" as though thats the norm. It has really opened my eyes as to peoples preconceptions of young mums and I hate being put into a little box of who people think I am just because I had a child young. I suppose you learn to grow a thick skin pretty quick! Being a teenage mum does not make you a poor parent, feckless and devoid of responsibility. I know plenty of god awful mums in their 30's but I know they arent all like that.