to think social services should cut us some slack??

[PSCMUM]

we have 3 kids and both have abundant very detailed professional experience of adoption. We are going through the adoption process. There are lots of stages:

1. go to an information evening to find out about adoption - we went dutifulyl along, smiled and nodded and asked questions. it was utterly pointless for us, we could have run the information evening oursleves.
2. have a meeting with a social worker for them to find out about us - really useful, social worker lovely, asked all about us, and it was great, we felt really great. THey use the notes of this meeting to decided whether they will take us on or not, as adopters.
3. got the call saying they'd like to take us on - fantastic news, really delighted.
4. we have to go on a 4 day parenting and adoption course. its 4 days, its on week days on work days from 9-5. we have three children and both work full time. its just been the easter hols plus we have all been ill. it is SO hard to both have 4 days in a row off work at the moment. I don't know if anyone else struggles with the 4 weeks annual leave from work versus the 13 weeks school hols plus all the days off sick the kdis have etc, but we really do. So anyway, we played alnog and said yes fine, of course we';d love to come and find out about parenting and adoption, yes please. Anyway, due to one thinig and another, work related for both of us, we cannot do it. When I rang up to say how sorry I was, I got 'right, so you are not committed to adoption at the moment' Me - no, we are, its just so hard for us to have 4 days off work this week, immed after easter hols and immed after person I work v closely with has just gone on long term sick - husband could attend, but that is not enough, we must both attend or it is pointless. Me - could we maybe have the materials to study at home? Her - you could , but you still have to come and speak to parents and foster carers face to face. Chidlren can be challenging and you need to know what you are gettnig into.

literally, i want to start crying.

anyways, its not end of world, I am just ranting, we will have to go to their next waste of our time parenting course, it'll just slow down the process by a few months.

calm calm. end of rant. thank you for listengin.

AND to agree with earlier poster, it is not about cultural or ethnic background, it is literally 'what colour are you?' they really don't give a stuff if you are ethnically the same. A sunni could adopt a shia, provided they were both as tanned as each other. And a mixed race kid can be adopted by a black couple, but not a white couple. its lunacy. grr.

PSCMUM, dont doubt your commitment for a minute, and please dont let SS make you feel you are not as commited as you are.
We started the fostering process many years ago,but due to family circumstances had to stop. We know have 6 dc, but 2 of them have special needs.
Probably there is lots on the course you know already,and you will be well aware, that some of the dc will have come from troubled backgrounds-but it may be very worthwhile speaking to other adoptees,to hear some of the behaviour they have come across, how they have handled it,and if, sadly,things have not worked-out well.
My eldest son is 13 and is dx Aspergers and ADHD.His behasviour is extremely challenging and has been since he was young-it has taken a great toll on his siblings and us-as parents, and a couple.
When at primary school, I once asked the Head, if she or her staff had any experience of ADHD."oh,yes," was the reply,"we have a library in the staffroom."
I am certainly NOT likening you to the Head, but just to say,knowing something,is not the same as living it,and understanding how any behaviour or emotional difficulty,(even in a young dc),may affect your own dc and you and your dh.Sure you already know this though. Good Luck.

thanks bigpants, your life sounds absolutely amazing, really huge amounts of awe to you.. you must be a really fantastic person to cope with so many challenges.
xxx

also bigpants - were not like adoption acadmeics or something! we deal with the children and parents going through adoption, both the adopters, and those losing their children. we actually meet those people and talk to them and spend time with them. Its not the same as readinga book - I know you weren't suggesting that - i think what sums it up for me is that even if we were to adopt again, we'd have to g on this course again, having already gone on it! And when yuo think about stressed out overworked social workers and there not being enugh money to ensure children at risk are brought out of risk, they can spend thousands of pounds on a 4 day conference to tell a load of people what they already know! there is a civil service devised set of priorities if ever I saw them!

YANBU at all! How disheartening to want to do something so special and then feel like you are being put through the wringer for it. They should do the courses both during the day and in the evening, to suit individual circumstances. But this would require common sense wouldn't it