To be slightly secretly miffed that my sis in law told my other sis in law she was preg 2 months b4 me?

[AliceMumma]

My DH has an older sister that fell pregnanat after 8 years of trying and 2 cycles of IVF. She told my hubbys brother and his wife, and the parents when she was 4 weeks, but waited till 13 weeks to tell me and DH....

I fell pregnant with both my kids 1st try and am 12 years younger than her,

I asked her when she would have been 7 or so weeks if the ivf worked and she said no..

AIBU to feel kinda left outa the loop?

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, yes. I can see why it would be nicer for you to be in the loop, but it is their decision to tell whoever they choose, whenever they choose. It's fairly common to tell the people you are closest to earlier on, and then tell other people later.

Perhaps the people they told earlier on are the people they would have turned to for emotional support if things had gone wrong.

Sorry to say it but i think yabu. I know it hurts to be a bit left out but really you know it's up to your sis in law to tell who she likes when she likes.

Try to put your own feelings aside and concentrate on being happy for her. She must have had an agonising 8 YEARS (!!!) trying for a baby so I say, be pleased for the poor woman. After all she probably won't relax and believe that she will actually have a baby until it is safely born.

Actually I can feel myself getting a bit steamed up on her behalf . . . you say you got preg very easily and are a lot younger than her. I think you have no idea at all about the emotional horror of not getting preg and she probably felt you weren't the kind of person she'd want to know if it all went tits up. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

I don't think yabu to be secretly miffed.

It would be unreasonable if you said anything to her about it.

Can you think of why she would have waited. Are you a bit unreliable with keeping a secret?

YABU - the world doesn't revolve around you.

I can understand you feeling a bit left out.

However, you really don't know what her reasons are for telling or not telling and with something as sensitive as this you need to swallow your hurt feelings and just get on with being happy for her.

We had IVF. It worked, happily, but I was very anxious and did not feel convinced I was actually 'having a baby' until just recently, at 22 weeks and I won't relax until I can hold it. When you have IVF they manage your expectations downwards and you're told to 'hang in there and see if it sticks' quite a lot.

Under those circumstances people may be less cavalier about telling. Also, and I'm absolutely certain you didn't mean it, but asking people if their IVF has worked is not a great idea. You don't really know if it has really worked until later, and anyway if it hasn't worked you feel pretty murderous towards the world in general and people who ask you in particular.

Congrats to your SIL, she'll need your support if she's anything like me...

Oh im totally rapt for her, she always asks about all my lifes details and tells me advice about children etc, i was SO stoked shes pregnant! She came over 2 days ago and we talked for 7 hours all about babies and stuff, where as before that we didnt really have much in common.

I told her it was all good for lying to my face, and i bought her a lil baby outfit, but just was a little bit secretly gutted everyone had been kinda let in on it but me and DH. Id never say that to her tho. And i totally know its not all about me (?!) as if i would think that!!

I know she got upset when i got pregnant with my 1st, and when i announced my second she just said "Congrats, gutted for you tho, your gonna get all fat again"... Its not my fault i get pregnant easy, and its not her fault she cant...

Secretly miffed is fine, but supportive to her face is the way to go. There may be many, many reasons why they told others first.

We told my SIL I was pg at 7 weeks and nobody else until after 12 weeks, no parents, no other siblings and it was down to a convoluted situation with her visiting during a threatened miscarriage and prolonged hospital visit. She had to know and we didn't want to tell anybody actively until after the first scan so it was just circumstances.

It might not be what you think. And you'll forget it soon I'm sure and get on with enjoying the wait for the latest addition to your extended family.

Yea im not that bothered by it, just was wondering why thats all. Ive forgotten it already and am just so excited bout the new baby coming!!

My SIL told all her friends at work she was going to adopt a baby, then told us & asked us not to say anything...

I would never say anyway, but part of me was a wee bit gutted that she told 3 girls who she's known for a year, before she told her brother & I.

We were over the moon for her & I never once mentioned the fact she told both their parents, all his family & her work mates at the very beginning of the adoption process & just told us one month ago.

I guess they wanted to wait until the time was right & I have to respect this decision. I do know what you mean though about being secretly miffed...

After a miscarriage at 10 weeks first time, we told no one at all until 14 weeks with ds1 and ds2.

Yes, some people did ask if any news yet, when I already knew I was pregnant, but I just lied and said no. When we finally did tell the news, every one of them totally understood. No one got funny about being 'left out of the loop'.

Its up to her who she tells and when.

Flibberty, i dont think you read the original thread properly..
Im not miffed she waited til 13 weeks to tell me...
I was just a tiny bit puzzled and felt slightly left out cos she told every one else 2 months before and theyd all been discussing it and all excited about it and i was unaware and still hoping and praying for her to get pregnant.I was all like 'yay shes pregnant and everyone else was like, yea cool, old news.....'

But yea it is totally her decision to tell whoever, whenever and im fine with it. I just know she would be really miffed with me if i did that to her