DH just told me DS played starting fires with FIL this afternoon!

[VinoEsmeralda]

DH told me casually that DS made fires with FIL this afternoon using a lighter. Apparantly he told DH proudly DS (5) can now use a lighter.

Am I over reacting as feel that a 5 year old shouldnt do these things but then on the other hand it was under supervision so had a good chat with DS that he must never do these things without adults and that is can be very dangerous.

AIBU or just behaving PFB?

i think it is a silly and potentially dangerous thing to show a small child, who has no idea of how quickly fires can start and get out of control. YANBU

there is no reason to play with fire, with a small child.

there are millions of more intersting and educational and safe and fun things FIL could have done

In what context were they making a fire? Was it a camp fire or something?

Well, DH has just let DD1 aged 6.5 help him light the barbeque. Depends on the child. 5 is maybe a bit young, though.

A lot would depend whether it was presented as "playing fires", or "very carefully passing on the skill of how to make a fire in a well supervised environment"?

I'd be furious if it was presented as just a bit of fun, but possibly OK if done very sensibly and carefully with all the obvious warnings about never using lighters/matches etc without an adult around.

Yes cornsilk, I agree campfire/bonding = ok

Setting fire to cars on wasteland = bad

I don't think teaching him to use a lighter or how to actually start a fire was a great idea.
I think with some context - campfire, bbq, garden bonfire - then not really harmful to be around a fire being started and managed by an adult.

Hmm, I think 5 is too young to be using a lighter. At that age I think the message should be that that sort of thing is only for adults. Like hot ovens and ironing etc.

Agree that 5 is probably too young - DS was taught how to build & light a fire in Cubs - think he was about 8 or so & I think they combined it with a visit from the fire service.

It was making a fire in one of those cast iron baskets (nice in the evening to stay outdoors a bit lnoger)and then DS used water to distinguish them.

Hmmm - I would be a bit iffy about that. Partly because putting water on a fire is not the best way to put it out - too much risk of scalding from the steam. Would also have been better to light a long taper and hand it to DS, rather than teaching him the dubious skill of lighting a lighter.

My kids at 5 were learning how to light Trangias, and the more difficult skill of extinguishing them, much more likely to go pear shaped than a lighter and a barbecue. I think in the right context firelighting is an imortant skill and can be fun. I don't see how showing a child how to use a lighter is any worse than showing them how to light a match, which most kids would have seen by the age of 5 (or maybe other folk don't camp as much as us). Is the anti lighter thing just an anti-smoking thing. I hate lighters but don't smoke and find then fiddly compared to matches. I wouldn't regard it as that awful if my kids got shown how to use them in a sensible setting eg lighting a barbecue.

MIL (heavy smoker) taught DH how to use a lighter when he was a young boy. He later set fire to his parents' bed (and his big sister tried to beat the fire out with a tennis racquet).

Fortuneately it was a small fire and no one was hurt, so now it's a funny story not a terrible tragety.

It sounds as though the problem there was not him having been taught how to use a lighter but him having unsupervised access to one.
My kids saw us light Trangias but the matches were always kept well away from them.
I think matches are easier to use than lighters anyway.

I think teaching children safe firebuilding and lighting is quite a good idea, it takes the fascination out of it.
.We have an open coal fire and the children can all lay it and light it.
i don't think using a lighter is the best way though.

Is your fil a sound responsible sort of bloke? If so then I'd say it's fine, as in doing it he'd obviously have been very careful and told your son the dangers, etc, etc. At five I don't think it's a bad thing at all to take the mystery out of fire and show them responsibly how dangerous it can be. I wouldn't let a little one that age loose with a lighter solo though.

Not good at all at the age of 5.

However, DS1 age 8 has been taught to light a camp fire safely and also use a Kelly Kettle properly at holiday camp.

I did light quite large bonfires at his age too. It needs to be taught as a safe skill though and never out of adult control or without their direct and specific permission.

FIL is a responsible guy but gets carried away and likes to explain/show things in depth (uni lecturerer)...

Reason why I didnt say anything other then sort of raised my eyebrows to DH (and havent mentioned it to FIL)was that I used to love to do all these things when I was young (although cant remember the age when lighting fires came into it).

DS2 did bonfires last year in Reception as part of Forest School. Children built a small bonfire under the very close guidance of a qualified Forest School teacher, toasted some marshmallows then learned different ways to put the fire out (earth, water etc.).
I gather that the "never do this without an adult" message was repeatedly rammed home during the lesson.
If I ask him about it now all he can remember was that it was the day he forgot his wellies and had to borrow Joseph's spare ones, which had frogs on. So no lasting damage done!