to have asked H to leave after he kicked out DS?(long)

[purepurple]

Bit of background
Was our 22nd wedding anniversary yesterday and I think I have just ended our marriage.
Thursday our 19 year old DS was brought home by the police after being seen walking into the sea. He was drunk and had thrown away all his possesions mobile/house and car keys/ wallet/i-pod.
This was a shock to me, he says he has no friends and everyone bullies him. I am trying to be supportive as he clearly needs support and not judging.
DH, thinks he needs to pull him self together and yesterday told him to leave. I knew nothing about this till DD told me.
So, DH is moody and miserable (as per normal), I am beside myself thinking all sorts about DS, will he try to take his own life? I have suffered 2 close bereavements so you can imagine my anguish, not knowing.
DH comes back from the pub and then tells me he has kicked DS out. I tell him it's not his decision to make.
He says he can't live like this so I tell him to pack a bag and leave.
He does. I feel relieved he is not here as I find it hard to cope with his sullen, sulky moods.
I feel as if my world had turned upside down but I am shocked by DH's attitude to our DS.
The thing is I feel weirdly calm and haven't cried and don't regret asking him to leave.
I don't think I am being unreasonable to expect a father to show some compassion and support to their own child when they need it most.

he came back while I was in the bath
he was in bed when I came out, head under the covers, pretending to be asleep
I said nothing, he said nothing, he is still there now
back to the same old shit now

Forget about your dh and concentrate on your ds.

Your dh is an adult and can look after himself for now.

Can you speak to your doctor and explain what happened and see if they will come to you at home.

Purepurple, I'd like to kick him up the backside on your behalf. How's your DS today?

I would have made exactly the same choice. I think any mother would.

smudge, not seen ds yet, still in bed
we all went to bed quite late
i was hoping to talk to him without dh being there
i can hear movement from upstairs, don't know which one it is

Can you take DS out somewhere to talk? It might help him to be away from the house especially as I imagine his father's reactions to his problems would be very obvious to him. I know that when my DD wa sdepressed she was very sensitive to people's reactions and could pick up on the vibe when people were less than sympathetic.

my god what an asshole

your poor ds hopefully now you know how he's feeling you can help him get on the road to recovery. i've suffered with depression my whole life and it really is incredibly difficult to see the light, the key will be giving him something positive to focus on and just being there for him, no judgment or endless commenting on his mental health... talk about what happened once, then leave it and just help hime get past it.

it's good you kicked dh out for ds' sake as well.... he knows now that no matter how bad things seem his mother is still there for him and loves him more than anything and will go to any length to help him.... you have no idea how much that will mean to him after this low and dh treating him so appallingly.

i hope you and dh come to a resolution that makes you happier in the long run... and being perfectly honest from the little you've told us i'm not entirely sure that means him staying.

good luck and some very un-MN {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Purepurple, others on this thread have come with plenty of pratical advice. From my experience (my DB suffers from a mental illness) when your ds gets referred, there is a carer's association attached to our local Mental Health Services - they help families cope with problems and suggest strategies to help.

I would say get the support of friends and family around you, look after yourself.

Purple, it sounds like DHs childish crap mood/behaviour is causing you as much upset as the situation with your DS. Cut DH lose and focus on your DS. He really needs you. Your DH is a real arse.

YANBU

IMO your kids always come before your OH in cases like this.

My God your poor DS I hope you have managed to contact him.
YADNBU at all asking H to leave, I would do the same
When I first read he was brought home by the police I thought he was doing drugs or thieving or something, but he kicked him out when he wanted to take his own life is appalling.
You have done the right thing.

Sorry have just caught up with the thread! Glad DS is safe and back home, not so sure about your H though.
I think getting DS to the Dr ASAP will help and probably bring it home how depressed he is to DH. It might help if the Dr talked to H about depression too so he realises what could potentially happen.
I think I would ask your H how he would have felt if DS had taken his life when he kicked him out? Depending on the response I would let him stay/kick him out, but my guess is that he is in denial about the serious state of his mental health.
Are you a military background family out of interest?

dilly
DH did 12 years in the RAF, how can you tell?

update on DS, he seems to be a bit embarrassed by all the fuss, bless him, he is trying really hard. He has offered to give me a lift to work tomorrow, quite unheard of!
Still haven't spoken to DH, he has ignored me all day. I did feel better yesterday, when he wasn't here.
I know I need to speak to him, but not when he is in a mood. I don't know who needs the doctor more, I think we might all need help. Better book a long appointment slot.

The comment about people dying every day sounds like something someone with PTSD would say, who has seen death on tours You said you wondered if he was depressed. I am wondering if he has been to Bosnia/Iraq/Afganistan and has witnessed something causing PTSD. My friends husband was exactly the same and appeared closed off emotionally. Just a thought. When they witness extreme poverty/violence and death it makes them think 'he has everything and why are they whinging about trivial things' iyswim.

How are things today Purple?

DS has been to college, he seems a lot happier. DH still not talking.