to not offer DS any supper in the evenings anymore? (long, sorry...)

[ImSallyIHaventAClue]

OK... so you don't start referring me to social services... here is the situation:

I am fulltime WOHM. DS is 14mo and happy as larry at nursery. We eat breakfast together, then he gets a snack at 9.30am at nursery, cooked lunch at 11.30am, a drink of milk sometime around then, a fairly substantial tea at 3.30pm and sometimes snacks as well. He reportedly "eats well" at nursery as a rule. I collect him from nursery around 5.45pm.

So far, what I've been doing when we get home is have a little playtime, then supper, bath, storytime and bed (which ends up being around 8pm or a bit later). TBH the having supper together is probably more because I like to have his company during my supper than because he really appears hungry. And I guess I am scared that he might be hungry, and if so might not sleep well! Anyway, at supper he in fact rarely eats much (tonight, for example, he ate a total of 4 peas, and didn't touch his cows' milk). Sometimes he's happy to sit in his high-chair and "chats" away to me, sometimes he just has a strop and asks for a cuddle. We are still doing a token BF in the evenings but I have been scaling down on the BF lately so I think my supply will be dwindling soon. When he wakes in the night I do offer him the breast as we co-sleep and this means we both go back to sleep quickly without me having to schlep out of bed, but I think it's merely a comfort thing for him now.

Recently I have been thinking that he really needs more sleep than he's getting, and for the sake of getting some time to myself in the evenings I would like to get him to bed earlier.

So....... AIBU to stop even offering him supper after nursery, and go straight to bath, story and bed? My head says this is clearly fine but my instincts say No!!!!! You Must Feed The Baby!!!!!

3 30pm to 7/8am with no food is a hell of a long time... can't you just make a sandwich or something for tea? it doesn't have to be much...

I would aim for 7pm bed time. If he is hungry he will soon tell you. Do you intend on co sleeping indefinitely, or is that something you will slowly tail off with the BF?

I couldn't stop giving my DS supper. I tried. God knows I tried! But I still kept doing it, and he still didn't eat it.

No help I know, but at least you know you're not the only one!

If he barely eats anything at this supper, then sounds like he doesn't need or want it.

You're fine, put him to bed earlier without it, I reckon

I think that's too long to go without food. You don't have to cook a meal for him. Can't you make up a snack tray, perhaps have the items ready prepared and just let him pick at that while you have your meal.

Well, that's what I've been doing really, food that's quick to make like pasta or microwave baked potatoes or whatever. But then he eats virtually nothing - like one piece of pasta (maybe because he's tired?) and I think, was that really worth it?

14 mo and a past 8pm bedtime does sound fairly late.

I used to give my two some toast for 'supper' on nursery days. I think it was around 6.30pm and then wash & bed, usually by 7.15pm ish.

I think it is as he may need only a little to satisfy him, but still need something, and his appetite could change from day to day so I'd always offer.

but pasta / jacket spud is like a proper meal - a slice of toast / some fruit / cereal even, is lighter but is something for his stomach to digest overnight so he doesn't get hungry

I agree with you that nothing from 3.30 untill breakfast the next morning seems an awfully long time however he seems to not need it at the moment. I would suspect that, as time goes on, he will need it as he will go through the whole growth spurt, eat to build up, growth spurt thing that children seem tp be prone to.

I would say that you need to have an opportunity for him to eat in the evening but that it does not need to be a regimented supper IYSWIM. Could you perhaps give him a snack of fruit and sandwiches (or whatever you feel coerrect) to have on the way home from nursery or whilst you run the bath? This way, if he is not eating it all you can be happy he is getting enough and if he eats it all you can offer more?

I would not expect something like this to take much time and there would be no pressure to eat so would not cause him to get cross or eat into your "me" time.

Oooh conflicting opinions so far!!

In response to the co sleeping question: yes we will eventually stop doing this: either when he is waking less frequently, or if offering the breast stops working. But at the moment he can wake up to 4-5x a night. Hard to tell if hungry or not but almost always goes back off to sleep quite quickly attached to the breast.

I'd opt for a shorter bath and/or playtime over skipping supper. It doesn't have to be a great deal of food or an elaborate meal, but keep in mind he would be going maybe 15 hours without a substantial meal if he has tea at 3:30 and breakfast say at 6:30 the next morning.

Another consideration is that since you don't see exactly what he eats while at nursery, you won't know from day to day just how much is he really eating at any given time....breakfast and supper are the only times you can be sure of what he is taking in.

Best to offer something, even if he doesn't eat much of it. Besides the nutritional aspect of mealtime, you also have the social aspect, which is a wonderful time for you to spend together.

you have a lovely routine, sally.

If he gets up sharp in teh mornoing, I wouldn't bother trying to get him to bed earlier. Why not just offer him toast fingers wheile you eat your meal?

Thanks for responses so far.... esp for the nice comment pointydog!

But I do think he needs more an earlier bedtime - although he often wakes at 5.30am/6am wanting to play, he still seems a bit tired and after a little play he can then be persuaded to go back to bed again and can easily sleep till 8.30am if not woken.