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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wishing my brother and SIL would stop being such selfish twunts?

24 replies

EasyEggs · 17/04/2009 16:34

Ok so yes I probably am but here goes.

Bro and SIL have 2 dd's and a recent ds. They have been given numerous council houses and flats all over the country due to them splitting/getting back together/just deciding to leave etc. They always seem to land back on their feet. At present they have a huge 3 bedroomed flat which is more than adequate for them all. This apparently isn't good enough for them. They have complained no end to the relevant people and now have been given a zillion points to get them a house they no doubt are going to be moved very soon.

I may seem unreasonably bitter about this for the following reason. I live with my partner and our 4 dc's in a 2 bed house. I am currently and very unexpectedly pregnant again

We have been waiting for a 3 bed house for the last year and now need a 4 bed house, we cannot now bid on 3 beds as they are not big enough for our needs according to the HA.

I have been on the phone to them everyday without fail for the last 4/5weeks trying in vain to find us accomodation. As you can tell I am panicing somewhat about exactly where we are going to put number 5. HA said we are looking of a wait of at least 2 years

I do not have children to get a bigger house. My partner works more than 47hours a week to provide for us all yet we cannot get a mortgage or afford private renting.

I am just extremely that people who seem to abuse the system seem to win all the time and we are just left to deal with it on our own

OP posts:
JemL · 17/04/2009 16:40

YANBU.
YOu can wait at least 9 years for a 3 bedroom place where I live, event with 3/4 kids sharing a room. My friend is one of those people who knows how to work the system and has got her wait down to 2 years (she has a DS and a DD but is eligible for 3 beds on age difference) and yet she still complains endlessly. Her 2 bed flat is huge too. It does drive me mad. I can't work out why some people always land on their feet - DH's B& SIL have a big 3 bed HA house with 2 girls, and complain abouit that. There is something really wrong with the housing system!!

ginnny · 17/04/2009 16:41

That's life I'm afraid Easyeggs. I suppose there are not so many large 4 bed council houses. The family across the road from us have 5 dc and she has just had another and they are being rehoused to an enormous house in a really nice area. I'm sure people like that think new baby = another bedroom.
Have you thought of going on the mutual exchange register. I'm sure if you find a 3 bed and you are happy to exchange they will let you.

Original poster
EasyEggs · 17/04/2009 16:47

We have been on exchange site for over a year and still nothing. They have said that if we find a 3 bed they consider to be adequate for 7 people then they will approve it but that's unlikely

And I'm guessing not many people will want to go from 4 beds to 2!

OP posts:
jellybeans · 17/04/2009 16:49

YANBU as it isn't fair. I have 5 DC in a 3 bed and it is fine, I don't want a 4 bed.

ginnny · 17/04/2009 16:50

You never know ... maybe an older couple who's dc have left home. Also you get money from the council if you downsize so that is an incentive.
Unfortunately all you can do is play the waiting game.
A friend of mine got a lovely SN adapted house after 8 years of being on the list.

jellybeans · 17/04/2009 16:50

Have you tried homeswapper?

Original poster
EasyEggs · 17/04/2009 16:54

jinny I know in reality that's what we have to do it just makes my blood boil at the fact my selfish brother has yet again got his own way

jelly yes we are on HS

My dad and step mum live on their own in a 3 bed place and they point blank refuse to move either

I thought the point of social housing was to help those that need it not those that just like the space

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 17/04/2009 16:58

I'll get flamed but... why not stop at the amount of kids you can afford to adequately house? Sorry if I have misunderstood that bit.

Also, your DB and family are in a three bed flat which seems reasonable for two adults and 3 kids. I don't think they'll get a big house just by asking for it.

Your choice to have a big family but surely your responsibility too?

LIZS · 17/04/2009 17:00

It is hardly the direct fault of your brother and sil though. Some people play the system to get extra points but that still assumes the accommodation is available in the first place. Also maybe they are more flexible geographically so can move to take advantage of areas less in demand?

There are probably many families and couples in accommodation whch is too large for their current size and/or who could afford to move into private rentals as their circumstances have changed since they were originally offered their housing. Supply not meeting demand is the issue.

Biscuits4Cheese · 17/04/2009 17:07

How have they 'played the system'? They'll get awarded points on the same basis as you and everyone else. Have i missed something?

EldonAve · 17/04/2009 17:09

I don't see where he's being selfish
Surely they are just doing the best for their family

RumourOfAHurricane · 17/04/2009 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
EasyEggs · 17/04/2009 17:12

morris I had 2 dc's when I met dp. We both wanted children so along came dc3 + 4. This isn't too much of an issue as we worked out that ds could share, there is enough room in there for the 3 of them and dd is still young enough to share with us until a 3bed became available which according to HA would have been in next year or so.

This dc is a total shock despite use of contraception so now is where the problem lies. We have nowhere to put this one. And as a friend suggested I am not just going to "get rid" of my child just because of inadequate housing

LIZS That's the thing, they have already walked away from both a 2 bed and 3 bed house they have previously been given!!! Yet because these have been in other parts of the country it makes no difference to them being rehoused here. That is why I am so cross.

OP posts:
shinyshoes · 17/04/2009 17:14

I'd be a bit there are 5 of us in a 2 bed all different sexes, my friend has all the same sexes in a 2 bed and she's further up the list.

Money goes to money and people who land on their feet will always seem to land on their feet. I have seen it many times

Original poster
EasyEggs · 17/04/2009 17:14

The problem with them being rehoused in my eyes is as I have stated just now. They WERE given a 2 and a 3 bed house at different times which they chose to leave. Why then should they be rehoused above people who are in greater need?

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 17/04/2009 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tonybleh · 17/04/2009 17:17

Maybe they could give you advice on how to get more points, so that you can move? Surely if they're managing to find somewhere so quickly and easily, they may be able to help you out?

LIZS · 17/04/2009 17:18

They won't necessarily be - points are allocated exactly on the basis of "need" and perhaps you aren''t ideally placed to assess whose need is greater. I understand why you are galled but really you are better off using your energy to fight your own corner.

TheFallenMadonna · 17/04/2009 17:18

But why have they been given extra points just by complaining? Is that really how it works.In which case, why aren't you compalining more loudly?

Original poster
EasyEggs · 17/04/2009 17:19

shineon that's what I said to dp today, the table will have to go so we can get a sofa bed in there! There is no other alternative.

tony I would if we were on speaking terms Unfortunately we fell out over another matter involving their selfish and self centered ways

OP posts:
Original poster
EasyEggs · 17/04/2009 17:22

fallen Basically they have made a complaint about the way in which they were made to accept this flat in the first place. Before that they were in a 1 bed flat so you'd think they might be grateful apparently not. They have other people on their side too which I cannot have due to past circumatances of theirs. They only seem to bring these into play though when they feel like it. Other than that they only complain about it!

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 17/04/2009 17:25

Honestly, you need to concentrate on your own circumstances. Fizzing about your brother and his family is not going to help your own. Let it go.

And be glad your family is happy and stable. Your brother's situation sounds quite sad really.

Miggsie · 17/04/2009 18:12

Yes, it is possible to play the system..my BIL always used to pretend to be illiterate and not understand the forms, he had the council people and the CAB (women) falling over themselves to fill in the forms for him and get him a home...priority case..., he was a bloody lazy bugger too.

He also used toplay the authorities off against each other, I don't know exactly how but he used to boast about it.

Your choices are: find out how they manage to get more points, dob them in as liars to these councils, or be prepared like they are to move to any council with a housing officer who believes them...or just stop getting so het up...

But I'd be pissed off too, as my BIL was just like this.

Original poster
EasyEggs · 17/04/2009 20:38

miggsie That's unbelievable Amazing the lenghths some people will go to!

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