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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Playdate anxiety, I'm not as good as my daughter's friend's nanny

19 replies

curiouscat · 17/04/2009 10:09

Ok, it's the last day of the holidays, it's raining, I have 3 of my own children age 7,8,11 and a friend of the middle one arriving shortly. This friend is 8 and is in class with my daughter at a new school dd joined last September. I am keen that dd has good friends.

But this girl is looked after by a FT nanny. Every time dd plays with her they go on extravagant excursions, to faraway swimming pools, do lovely cooking at home etc. DD has complained to me that it's not very exciting when her friend visits.

My problem is:

1 I'm not being paid to look after this girl or my own kids
2 It's expensive taking 4 kids on trips
3 Why can't kids play together without looking at me with dead eyes saying 'I'm bored' every five minutes?

ABIU to expect not to be spending fortunes entertaining other peoples kids and want them to just mess around entertaining themselves???

OP posts:

greenelephant · 17/04/2009 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 10:13

It will be good for this other child to be in a more realistic family home environment where everything isn't offered up on a silver platter. So what if they're bored - beats chimney sweeping

I wouldnm't fuss about not being able to compete if I were you. Do you WANT your children to be too spoiled and overstimulated to make their own entertainment? I don't.

HairyMuff · 17/04/2009 10:14

The whole point of inviting friends round to play with your kids is so you don't have to entertain them isn't? Or have I got that bit all wrong?

lisad123 · 17/04/2009 10:15

tell them to bring wellies and raincoats and go puddle jumping

helsbels4 · 17/04/2009 10:15

No yanbu!!! The full-time nanny is paid to make her charge's day fun and exciting!

I expect her employer gives her money to take the children off to do nice things, so not coming out of her own pocket.

When I was a nanny, I used to do all manner of things with the children that I just simply can't be bothered don't do with my own children.

It's her job. That's what she does.

Aefondkiss · 17/04/2009 10:18

yanbu

A child coming over to your house to play is just that, no more no less - I do sometimes on rare occasions do activities with my dd and a friend of hers, but they are wee things, like maybe them making a bracelet, drawing etc.

I would consider making pizza, and cakes/biscuits quite good fun, and easy to do activities for all the children - if you want to do an activity they all can do?

Yesterday dd and friend, played with toys, played outside (skipping, trampoline, hammock and general running around, fed hens and it was freezing) plus tea, filled up 3+ hours.

MIAonline · 17/04/2009 10:22

They need to learn to play without needing trips, activities and adult guidance all of the time. Call it a life lesson and feel goo about yourself
YANBU

MIAonline · 17/04/2009 10:23

That should say good

branflake81 · 17/04/2009 10:26

Original poster

curiouscat · 17/04/2009 10:45

Ooh I feel better already, glad to leave them to their own devices. Since writing the OP I've dropped youngest dc at her friend's house (to be looked after by a nanny till 12oc), guest girl has arrived and they're all 3 on the Wii. I'm off to get a newspaper and cup of tea - is this a lesson in slack mothering...

Oh and I've agreed to take them to a 1.45 movie so the day's not looking so bad

OP posts:

helsbels4 · 17/04/2009 10:49

Enjoy it while you can is what I say! Ds had a friend here for a sleepover last night and they are trashing ds' bedroom as we speak!

It gives me time to sit on the computer catch up with some things around the house, while they use their imaginations!

Win, win. (Except when ds has to tidy his room later )

Fairynufff · 17/04/2009 11:09

Oh Goodness I hate this too! There is nothing worse than someone else's kids tapping you on the shoulder every 5 minutes to ask you for this, that and the other. I smile and grit my teeth but if it was my own child I'd tell them to bugger off and go and play. I've learned to only invite the kids who actually come and 'play' and are not too demanding.

Original poster

curiouscat · 17/04/2009 17:49

Yes helsbels it's a question of balancing the worth of your peace and quiet for 1/3/5 minutes versus the damage they can wreak and length of time clearing up. I usually make them clear it up before visitors leave so probably not many will want to come more than once

I also agree with fairy and try to invite undemanding kids, but do feel bound to return visits if mine have been to someone else's.

OP posts:

helsbels4 · 17/04/2009 18:47

Thankfully, the damage doesn't seem too bad because he has this friend over fairly regularly and her (his best friend is a girl, even though she wants to be a boy,) mum has similar views to me with regard to tidying up and discipline etc.

I am to say that even though I have been a nanny and worked in childcare, I really don't enjoy other people's children in my house.

junglist1 · 17/04/2009 18:54

YANBU. This reminds me of when I paid my sons friend into the cinema and he said "Where's my popcorn?" This was a 9 year old! Glad they are just getting on with it,I think most children are just happy to be with their mates.

Doodle2U · 17/04/2009 18:57

Do children not play Monopoly any more?

My back-up for a piss-poor playdate is this - collect bag of crap...bog roll tubes, coloured paper, popping plastic, foil, egg boxes etc. Include paint & glue and sissors.

Close door to kitchen with children & bag of crap on one side of it and me on the other.

Read book until hometime.

Chuck in a drink and a packet of Maltesers to pre-empt that whine.

willowthewispa · 17/04/2009 19:01

Well, I'm a nanny and I don't do extravagant excursions to faraway places . Yesterday we, er... went to the park then made pizza. And when my charges have friends over I send them upstairs to play together and expect them to get on with it.

Takver · 17/04/2009 19:28

Surely the point of inviting over other children is so that they can amuse each other? DD's room is always such chaos anyway that a few more children don't make much difference . . .

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/04/2009 00:09

is your dds friend an only child?

maybe the nanny takes her out alot to entertain her and it is what the parents want to do

but sure she loves playing with a same aged friend just as much - if not more

but yes if my charge has a friend over then they will go and have a play by theirselves- then i will play a game/puzzle with them/go out in garden with them

if you want to cook, then let them make their own pizza or cakes with you - simple but fun

but in the end, that nanny is paid to entertain that girl and as helsbels4 said do things that maybe a parent doesnt want to do

hope cinema was enjoyed

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