to hope that PIL could see how lovely BOTH their grandchildren are?

[dingledangle]

PIL currently visiting and are doting heavily on DS who has just turned a year. However, they seem to overlook his sibling who is 4. As a consequence she is displaying all sorts of behaviour in order to get their attention.

I am observing this and find it very difficult not to point out what they are doing and the effect it is having on their grandchild.

When they do interact with her they seem to treat her like a younger child, tickling her and so forth. All this seems to do is wind her up and then she gets over excited and they tell her off (so unfair in my opinion).

Do I say anything or let it ride? We rarely see them, once a year or so.

I am praising both children and my DD a lot and keep telling them things she has done, which my DD is so pleased with too. When really in my head I am shouting'There are two children in this room'!!!

AIBU to think they should be seeing how lovely they both are?

I'd let it ride if you only see them once a year or so. Next time, DS will be in the terrible twos and DD will be at school, with lots of interstestng stories to tell.

interesting, doh.

Could you get your PILs to do something constructive with your dd - play a game, perhaps or read a story with her, or do some colouring - something reasonably calm where they can see what she's capable of, and interact with her at the same time. Perhaps your MIL would help her make some easter nests or decorate some biscuits.

Then when they are all involved in some lovely activity and enjoying it, you can make a big thing of how much your dd is enjoying it, and how much she'll look forward to doing it again.

Can you mention it to your partner to get him to casually say something to them? The Littlest usually does get all the attention... perhaps they just need to be casually called out. I would be annoyed if I were you, but like OldLady, you may also just let it roll off your back since you see them so seldom.

Have tried the interactive thing but today things seemed to be getting worse and worse.

MIL just doing a 'po face' when dd doing something she feels inappropriate. Then turning attention back to the DS. I had taken DD out this morning to get away for a bit and when we got back they were heading out with DS who they had seen all morning.

Driving me crazy....

My PIL were (and are) to an extent like this. Step- MIL in particular CLEARLY prefers DS2. We only see them once a year so it's not too bad, but I know how you feel.

I am always praising DS1 up to them, but though they try now to be fair, still there is a definite preference ..

This is an upsetting situation dingldangle, and if you've tried the subtle approach, maybe it's time to be more direct - tell them that it's upsetting you and their dgd that they so clearly prefer her brother, and that you want this to change. Tell them that they risk losing the affection of their dgd if they go on the way they are. Perhaps they don't realise how unfair their behaviour has become.

Since you only see them once a year I would let it go. It is easy to dote on a baby. Next time they see him he will be into everything and may be throwing tantrums, you may well find that they prefer the older one.
I would see how it goes. (If they were regular visitors you would have to say something).

I sympathise, I have a similar problem with my MIL. My youngest boys are 6 and 4 and my nephews are 7 and 5. We stayed with MIL (just me and the boys as DH and eldest DS are away atm) as MIL had nephews at hers to stay. Of course nephews could do no wrong DS2 was giggling at the dinner table and got told off by MIL...nothing was said to nephew 1 despite the fact that he was making silly faces at DS2, therefore making him laugh! I can't mention how well my boys are doing at school/nursery without a 'well nephew 1 does this and nephew 2 does that'! They are a year older than each of mine! Aaarggh! I don't do comparisons...a child does as well as they do,,but it annoys me when mine are constantly compared! Nephews live close to her, we live 2 hours away, so she doesn't see mine as much. You'd have thought she'd enjoy spending time with my boys, but it seems not

I bit my tongue a lot this weekend and left early Sunday morning!

I too have a similar problem with mil, DS just turned 1 and mil was invited to watch him open his presents however my sister was also there with her DD 7mo and DS was ignored while mil took photos of and played with my DN. DS was unfazed by it all as he had others there but I was well PO'd at the fact that 1 it was his bday and 2 in theory DN has nothing to do with her! Am now dreading the arrival of DD2 due in August for this reason! Sorry I know this is your post dingle dangle but just needed to get that off my chest!!!

Thanks for comments/posts.

I find it interesting as many reminded me of things MIL says when I talk about my DD 'well DN does ....etc' or if she clearly isn't doing that they sit stoney faced and say nothing.

DS can sit eating broccoli and throwing it everywhere and you would think him a genius. DD sitting eating meal and dessert they don't even notice.

It is having an effect on DD as she now favours grandad, who shares his time with both DD and Ds.

I agree as DS gets older and is more of a challenge they will not see him as so angelic!

I can see how they favoured one of their children over another despite my DH protestations to the contrary....

It is quite sinister stuff really....

Gosh I would be so cross.

It really isn't too much to expect adults to take into account the feelings of children is it? We very rarely see my family, but when we do they make an absolute point of not making a fuss of the baby to the expense of dd's feelings.

I really don't think that you need to worry, it is unfair but a lot of people are like that about babies. They dote on them because they look adorable, don't answer back and don't show their true personality.
Once your DS stars running around, talks and has a very distinct personality you may well be writing on here asking what to do because they favour your DD!

I sympathise.

My MIL comes over from abroad roughly once a year (albeit for a mammoth stay). She is absolutely gushing over our 5 mth old DD this time and has nothing positive to say to or about our 4 yr old DS. She thinks he is 'naughty' (she has forgotten what 4 yr olds are like, I think), and doesn;'t notice all the positive things about him, like how groegous and funny he is, or how clever (she used to bang on about us teaching him to read - well now he can read, and she hasn't read a single book with him since she arrived a month ago).

I let it ride, because I think it's her loss. He has a granny who lives around the corner who absolutely dotes on him, so it really isn't his loss. But I could understand if t got to you enough to say something...

In the end, the grandchildren will make up their own minds about their relationships with their grandparents, and this will also evolve as time goes on.

I was very aware that my maternal grandmother favoured my brother (and all my male cousins). She didn't really know what to make of me as a child/teenager as I was so different from her. I, in turn preferred my other nan, because she was so un-judgmental of me

However, me and other granny came to a new understanding when I was in my twenties, and by the time she died when I was in my mid-twenties, we were pretty close.

Annoying isn´t it.. I have opposite problem, my whole family ignore the baby in favour of my eldest child...

I think it's a problem when grandparents don't see their DGCs very often. They are probably still thinking of your DD as a baby and haven't realised that she needs to be treated in a totally different way.

Favouritism is horrid.

It is blatant favouring of one child over another. Then treating the older child like a baby and wondering why they behave like a baby.....only to tut at their behaviour.

I agree that my DD will make up her mind in her own time but it is so horrid to see.....