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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to add my MIL to my facebook??

15 replies

lisad123 · 15/04/2009 20:58

I have a huge history with my inlaws which i have talked about here previously. They disowned my and my husband about 2 1/2 years ago after he chose to join a religion they didnt agree with. They even sent back our childrens photo's and had never met our youngest dd.
Fast forward to 5 weeks ago and DH was told he had cancer, and asked me to call his parents. I did, his dad was very rude on the phone and then they got here to visit him 5 days later (they live 4 hours away)
So they came visited twice and went home the next day. Now they havent called at all but she sends dh atleast 3 messages a day on FB. She has sent me a friend request and a message, neither i have responsed to.

I feel she should pick up the phone and call to see how we are instead of sending stupid FB messages. I also dont want her to have access to everything i do on my FB. I also dont want her to see my blog (which is linked on my profile) as it clearly says about how rude they were when they visited.

AIBU? Should I reply? If i reply to her message she can view my profile for 30 days! I dont even have my mum on my FB.

OP posts:
paranoidmother · 15/04/2009 21:06

I would ignore the message don't respond. FB is not for MIL or FIL. If she says anything just say that I don't even have my mother on FB and i've kept it to just friends rather than family. With any luck she won't say anything at all.

Oh note that anything you put on FB to DH will be seen by her if he has her as a friend.

Sorry about the cancer and good luck.

Original poster
lisad123 · 15/04/2009 21:11

Darren doesnt link my blog, he wont read it himself, understandable really.

OP posts:
Original poster
lisad123 · 15/04/2009 21:22

is that it? one post on a vile toxic MIL thread!! Im disapointed {grin]

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 15/04/2009 21:26

id ignore.if reason wasnt so good id say yabu.but i wouldnt either.(i do have my dad on there but hes not fazed by much).
sorry to hear about your dh.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/04/2009 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChippingIn · 16/04/2009 00:53

Sorry to hear about your DH.

Right now upsetting your MIL is the least of your problems. Ignore the request.

thumbwitch · 16/04/2009 00:55

YANBU - don't give her access. there is no need for it and as you say, she could phone or text or even email you directly.

Sorry to hear about your DH - hope he can be treated successfully.

MadamDeathstare · 16/04/2009 03:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarmenSanDiego · 16/04/2009 04:55

yanbu. My MIL added me on facebook to see pics of the children. Then came the competitive grandmothering with her friends and extended family who all started friending me. They're all a bit religious and I'm a bit sweary but I figure it's their look-out if they choose to friend me.

If your MIL is really toxic, I'd ignore the request or only give her /very/ limited access. Probably easiest to ignore.

cornsilk · 16/04/2009 07:18

Sorry about your DH. Agree that you should ignore the request.

DuffyFluckling · 16/04/2009 07:28

Ignore. If she mentions it say "oh, I don't really check my fb account these days". If she's not one of your fb friends she can't know if you log in or not.

Fb totally inappropriate means of her being in touch with you given history and current circs.

Sorry about your dh.

Baisey · 16/04/2009 08:14

I dont know the whole story, fb seems a rather bizarre way for her to keep in touch, could your FIL be the driving factor behind this and she feels that fb is the only way?
If this not the case, then ignore, you are under no obligation to accept.

troutpout · 16/04/2009 08:31

How odd
Just ignore request...give her a call and say that she can always call you if she needs to.

2rebecca · 16/04/2009 12:23

It depends on how you view facebook. I would feel there's a large prying element to older relatives wanting to view younger relatives facebook etc pages, but then some people see it as a family thing, not a chatting to friends thing. My stepdaughter deleted me (she said accidentally!)from her facebook account and I was quite pleased as I felt she'd reached an age when I felt as though I was doing the equivcalent of reading her diary if I went on her page. I rarely use facebook and am surprised by people over 35 who get into it. I wouldn't want anyone I didn't like on it, and if I had older relatives on it it would mean I wrote even less on it than I do now.
I'd ignore her and tell her you like to keep your facebook as a friends of similar age only thing, or some other such guff if she asks.

Simplysally · 16/04/2009 12:31

Just ignore the request, it seems inappropriate given your personal circumstances as that to be her means of communicating with you. She's of a generation that would use a phone or write to see how you are. Unless she's just one of these people who use it to play Scrabble obsessively .

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