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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want these kids in my house

19 replies

floppyearsandcurlywiskers · 15/04/2009 20:29

these 2 brothers from a few roads away have started knocking for ds1 he is 9. The older of these boys is in his class at school. I worry terribly about him going out to play at the park across the road but I am trying to let go. These boys are now wanting to come in our house and I really don't want them here. They are not the best behaved children but I feel a bit sorry for them as I get the impression they are sent out to play alot of the time, they are from a large family I think. It's just all they want to do is go through ds stuff and see what they can have or borrow. They walked out with a big pile of books and comics, my ds is just too kind and I fear he will learn the hard way. They trod mud all through the house and I just feel on edge the whole time they were here. I don't know them very well and have never met their parents. So I have said to ds they can come and play in the garden or he can go out to the park with them but he is not to invite them in the house. Dh says I'm being mean but I just don't feel comfortable with them and don't want them in the house. AIBU?

OP posts:

ilovetochat · 15/04/2009 20:31

i wouldnt stop them playing or coming round but make it a rule that shoes come off at the door and nothing leaves with them.

GypsyMoth · 15/04/2009 20:34

Your only grounds for not wanting them around is cos you think they are from a large family!??well there you go, they must be evil through and through!!!!

playftseforme · 15/04/2009 20:34

I agree with ilovetochat - establish some groundrules. Be the big bad wolf so that your ds can raise his eyebrows, shrug his shoulders and safely blame you

SammyK · 15/04/2009 20:34

When these children trotted out of your house laden down with your child's books and comics, why didn't you stop them and say they could borrow one book at a time??

Sounds like you need to put some boundaries in place, ime most kids are happy to a point with you calling the shots - kids need rules! Make it clear in a kid firm way that shoes come off as they come in, etc. Give them some rules and give them a chance and see how it goes.

You mentioned their behaviour, what is it that is causing you concern?

SammyK · 15/04/2009 20:35

that should say 'kind, firm way'

Original poster

floppyearsandcurlywiskers · 15/04/2009 20:41

I don't want to have the hassle of it to be honest.

OP posts:

Portoeufino · 15/04/2009 20:42

Hmm, my mum didn't want me to play with the boy from across the road because he was "common". We still did to a lesser or greater extent. He was my friend! I think you have to go with a flow a little. Fair enough, no shoes in the house and they don't get to leave with anything.

Learning the "hard way" is actually something we all have to do at some point or another.

alicet · 15/04/2009 20:43

I can understand you not wanting him to play out in the park.

I can understand you not liking the way they take your ds's stuff and walk mud through the house.

You can deal with these by saying 'sorry ds you can't go to the park','sorry that belongs to ds so you can't take it away with you but you can play with it when you come next time' and 'please take your shoes off before you come in'

About the rest - YABU it sounds like normal boys behaviour really and if your ds is friends with them I think you need to suck it up really.

I have been on the phone since I started this post with only the OP to go on so apologise if more has been said since then that makes my comments not relevant!

alicet · 15/04/2009 20:46

Just read your 'I don't want the hassle of it to be honest' post.

YABVVU. These boys are friends with your ds. You need to set some ground rules as I and others have said and suck it up. Otherwise your son is going to end up sad and lonely with a mum who will neither let him go out to play or have his friends over.

I am sure that you don't do this with all his friends but this is OTT from you. What you describe can be nipped in the bud with rules and you should be encouraging your ds's friends not pushing them away

Original poster

floppyearsandcurlywiskers · 15/04/2009 20:46

I don't want to choose his friends for him so even though I'm not that keen on them I will let him play with them I just would rather they played in the garden or over at the park and not in my house.

OP posts:

playftseforme · 15/04/2009 20:48

Well, that should be easier if the weather gets better (fingers crossed)

juuule · 15/04/2009 20:54

"my ds is just too kind and I fear he will learn the hard way."

Well he will if you don't help him.
However, if you take charge and show him how it's done then he will be better able to deal with things.
As others have said, no shoes and don't let them leave the house with anything they haven't brought with them. And any behaviour you're not happy with tell them to stop or they'll have to leave.

Original poster

floppyearsandcurlywiskers · 15/04/2009 20:54

Just to clarify, although I don't like them I do accept they are his friends so I do let him go out to play with them. He is my eldest so this is new territory for me so yes I do feel uncomfortable letting him go but that is my problem so I let him go. I do let them come and play in our garden too I just don't want them actually in the house.

OP posts:

Original poster

floppyearsandcurlywiskers · 15/04/2009 20:57

Is that really so bad?

OP posts:

eskimum · 15/04/2009 21:06

Seeing you set boundaries and be assertive with these boys will be a good learning experience for your ds.
You say he's 'too kind' etc, he needs to see you standing up to people so that he can also learn how to...
You don't want the hassle of it? Well, afraid parenting is hassle sometimes.

AnyFucker · 15/04/2009 21:06

Your house, your rules

If you don't want 'em in there, don't let 'em in.

Its your choice.

I don't blame you actually, I am also quite fussy about who comes in my house.

juuule · 15/04/2009 21:17

No it's not really so bad.

I always feel invaded when my children bring their friends into the house. I have to have warning before friends are invited to tea and usually feel a sense of relief when they've gone home.

Still have to do it sometimes, though. Some of their friends are pleasant to have around and some can be a bit difficult.

It's up to you who and when you let your ds friends in. With summer on the way they'll probably be happier to play in the garden anyway. And even if not, at least you won't feel guilty keeping them out

juuule · 15/04/2009 21:18

Still not sure about the relevance of your ds friends coming from a large family.

MoreLikeMiranda · 15/04/2009 21:46

I can understand your instinct, but this is actually a big learning curve for him and will be good for him in the long run.

As everyone else has said you should have ground rules for your house; 1st one being that no-one wears shoes in the house... who the hell wears shoes in the house anyhow, that's minging!

We all have to learn how to stand up to people that will take advantage of us given the opportunity. At least you are around to guide him through this and manage the situation.

Personally I don't like having anyone in the house, it's my sanctuary... but it's also DC's home too and I have to respect this and allow them to socialise.

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