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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not tell DP I got a parking ticket?

25 replies

ClapClapClap · 15/04/2009 15:22

Just got a parking ticket for parking outside the vets to take the cat in. The car park was full. I'm very annoyed at myself but also feeling a bit sorry for myself cos I didn't realise you had to have a permit to park there. Argh. Anyway... the fine is £30 which is going to leave us very skint till the end of the month which will undoubtedly put DP in a very bad mood.

So would I be a horrible person if I just didn't mention it to DP and got my Dad to pay it for me and I'll pay him back (slowly so that DP doesn't notice). I've never lied to DP before and I don't like the thought of doing it but I also don't like the thought of being in the bad books...

OP posts:

steviesgirl · 15/04/2009 15:36

It was a mistake. You didn't realise you needed a permit, you haven't committed some terrible crime! Surely Your dp can forgive you, it was an innocent mistake. We can't see everything coming in life fgs.

I got a parking ticket last year, it was all my fault as I was too lazy to go and get a ticket and complacent, when I got back to my car I had a whacking great £60 fine to pay or £40 if you paid within 14 days. I still told my dh though and he hardly bat an eyelid. He just said that you won't do that again in a hurry.

Just tell him, or is he that bad? I wouldn't say you were horrible not telling him, but as it's such a minor thing in the scheme of things, I can't see why you would keep it from him.

AnyFucker · 15/04/2009 15:38

I personally think you should act like a grown-up and just tell him.

What a childish way to carry on, Daddy paying it for you and sneaking around.

Or is there more to this that you haven't told us yet?

violethill · 15/04/2009 15:42

I agree with AnyFucker. If you want your husband's money to pay for it, then you have a duty to tell him. And to accept that he might justifiably be irritated. I would be if my husband asked me to pay a parking fine for him.If you want your dad to pay for it then you have a duty to tell him, and maybe hide the truth from your husband, though I think it's very odd for a grown woman to behave in this manner.

smurfgirl · 15/04/2009 15:49

I wouldn't care if DH got a ticket but I might care if he hid it from me? I don't think its a massive issue though. Why can't you tell him your dad gave you the £30 to cover it?

Original poster

ClapClapClap · 15/04/2009 15:54

I know he's going to be angry I just can't decide if he'll be more angry that I got a ticket or that I didn't tell him about it.

I don't think I'm going to tell him.

OP posts:

brettgirl2 · 15/04/2009 15:56

Interesting, as most threads go on about all assets being joint, now it's her husband's money

I wouldn't borrow money off my Dad though unless I was seriously desperate.

Original poster

ClapClapClap · 15/04/2009 15:57

Neither would I brettgirl

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 15/04/2009 15:57

get a grip clapclapclap, or tell us the truth

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunchie · 15/04/2009 15:57

You did something stupid that is going to cost you both, I'd be pissed off (briefly) with H if he did this.

But I would be livid if he avoided telling me - take responsibility for your actions! Get it over with. Apologise, and move on.

steviesgirl · 15/04/2009 16:02

Just apologise and say "look I got a ticket in the vet car park, and didn't realise you needed a permit. I'm very sorry about it but had no idea that it was permit holders only. It's just one of those things". If he's going to be that angry then he's a bit unreasonable. You didn't do it deliberately like I did!

It's better to be upfront and honest in a relationship, and you not telling him will piss him off more if he ends up finding out some other way.

Daisymoosteiner · 15/04/2009 16:06

If you're that worried about telling him, then a parking ticket is the least of your worries and you need to tackle the issues in your relationship that make you feel like this.

RyanAirVeteran · 15/04/2009 16:06

He sounds like a real bargain.

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunchie · 15/04/2009 16:09

When you say he gets angry, do you mean scarily angry? Shouting and screaming for ages and going really over the top?

Or is it just that you don't like any confrontation at all and so prefer to avoid any chance of it?

steviesgirl · 15/04/2009 16:12

Sounds a bit of a control freak if he's going to get angry over an innocent mistake imo. These things happen. You hardly do it all the time do you?

SerendipitousHarlot · 15/04/2009 16:19

Blimey, what are you so scared of? What's he going to do?

mayorquimby · 15/04/2009 16:57

i love the way mumsnet works. we only have the op's side. she's gotten a parking ticket that's going to cost her and her husband money. she has only said that he'll be angry/pissed off with her, not mentioned anything about being violent or over the top. i think anyone would be understandably pissed off with their partner if they just needlessly cost them money that they can't really afford. and she's thinking of lying and sneaking around.
so we only have her side of the story, in which she is the only person who has done anything wrong or is thinking of doing anything wrong.
and yet already he's being touted as some sort of controlling manipulating abuser

TheProfiteroleThief · 15/04/2009 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mychildrenarebarmy · 15/04/2009 17:04

Clapclapclap. Look at it this way. You tell him and he has one thing to be angry about. You don't tell him and he finds out, he then is angry about the parking ticket AND angry/offended/upset about the fact you have hidden it from him AND the fact that you went to your Dad for the money. Tell him.

violethill · 15/04/2009 17:09

I have to say I agree with you mayorquimby. MN can be a very sexist place! If a guy posts, saying he's thinking of sneaking around and not admitting something to his partner, then he'll get slated for it.
But a woman posts saying the same thing, and suddenly people jump to the conclusion that her partner most be some kind of abuser!

Now, what will be interesting is to see whether the OP suddenly emerges with some new aspect of the story, and tells us that yes, her husband is abusive and violent, oh and she just forgot to mention this detail in the OP!

SerendipitousHarlot · 15/04/2009 17:15

Oh I don't for one minute think he's an abuser. I just think that I couldn't be in a relationship where I would be scared of dh getting angry over something so trivial.

It's a pisser that it'll cost £30 that you can't afford - but he's not your dad!

steviesgirl · 15/04/2009 17:29

I agree with SerendipitousHarlot. If you're going to get so pissed with each other when mistakes happen, and they do it's a fact of life, then you're obviously in the wrong relationship.

Me and dh make mistakes at times. We apologise to each other, accept each other for them and for our faults. We learn from them, kiss and make up and then move on. It's the only way you can get on with life.

Simplysally · 15/04/2009 17:30

It's a bit childish not telling him but it's worse to drag your dad into it.

My Dad would want to know why my OH couldn't bail me out for £30 although he'd stump up the cash if I really needed it. he'd also be worried that I was unable to talk to my OH about it.

Is it worth possibly upsetting your Dad for a want of a few moments feeling like a clown with your dp?

PintandChips · 15/04/2009 17:42

clapclapclap, despite the fact that everyone else seems to think you're doing something heinous by not telling your DH you got a ticket, i'm totally on your side. My DP goes loopy if i ever get a ticket, even though i can pay for it myself and am not asking for his money.

having said that, he is a control freak and for that reason we are separating, so the fact that you feel like that about telling him may well point to deeper issues in your relationship!

AnyFucker · 15/04/2009 19:23

I sense some AIBU-by-stealth action going on here....

scienceteacher · 15/04/2009 19:25

For richer, for poorer

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