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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with this friend

55 replies

desperatedan · 15/04/2009 13:19

A friend recently offered to help out with an errand I had to run. I was running late and very happy to take her offer up.

So, I left a reasonably expensive item with her, which needed to be repaired.

Since then, I've tried to collect it on at least 4 occasions and there is always some excuse why it's not available... I'm at my wits end, as it's not actually mine, and I haven't admitted that I left it with the friend (I said I'd dropped it in personally for the repair). my friend knows how important this is to me - and she knows I'm desperate to get it back.

Now, my friend isn't answering calls, texts or e-mails. It's been about 8 weeks, when the repair should have taken 2 max.

AIBU to be annoyed? and, whether I am or not, what do I do now?

OP posts:
Katisha · 15/04/2009 17:23

Ask again and say this time you need to know as you are in a very difficult position. And you wil go and get it yourself.

Nekabu · 15/04/2009 17:23

Advance warning of shocking craftiness

Get a list of all possible jacket repairers that are near where she works or lives (in other words, anywhere you think she may have taken it) and call them doing the "Hi, I dropped a 'insert-description-of-jacket-and-what's-wrong-with-it-here' off the other day and wondered when it would be ready." If they ask for a ticket/whatever then say you've lost it though it might be in the glove compartment of your car that's in for a service at the moment. If they can tell you when it's ready, if it's before your car's back then you'll just swing by the garage on your way to their place and see if the ticket is in there.

Of course you're going to end up calling places where the jacket definitely isn't but a) you might find it or b) if she says she's taken it to X repair shop and you know full well she hasn't as you already phoned them, then you can call her out on it and maybe she'll come clean.

If you are too honest to contemplate pretending to be your friend then just phone them with a "Hi, my friend whatsherface dropped off my jacket (insert rest of blurb)" speel.

Gorionine · 15/04/2009 17:28

It does sound rather suspicious then. The logic would be that she tells you where she left it to be mended and told you when you could go and get it back. That is if she has indeed droped it somewhere to be actually mended! Do you think she might just have misplaced it and is to ashamed to let you know.

I know that if I was your friend I would let you know whatever had happened good or bad. It looks strange indeed!

Would it be very bad if you "come clean" yourself about not having dropped the item yourself? If the item is that important that you are worried of admitting that yourself, maybe she has good reasons to be very nervous too?

Original poster
desperatedan · 15/04/2009 17:39

It's not the item, as such, any more... It's the fact that I've gone on and on about it being back 'soon' IYSWIM.

I said I'd sort it as a favour, and the 'owner' will certainly want a refund / replacement (but, without going into too many details is very likely to choose a more expensive replacement, knowing that she can lay it on thick about me losing the original - does that makes sense?)

OP posts:
Gorionine · 15/04/2009 17:43

So let me get this straight, you told a friend that you would sort something for her and then a friend of yours said the same to you? who knows, the item might now have been passed on to another friend of a friend who wanted to do it as a favour and now nobody knows where the thing is!

I seriously think you should come clean about it to who ever you where doing the "favour" to From where I am standing you are doing exactly the same thing as your friend which is postponing the inevitable!

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 15/04/2009 17:46

Do you want one of us to go round and pretend to be your friend?

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 15/04/2009 17:46

Or you could tell your friend where your dodgy friend lives and send her round herself...I know I would want to get in touch with whoever pilfered it, myself.

Original poster
desperatedan · 15/04/2009 17:57

I was having it mended for my step daughter, not a friend. WHich is why it'll be down to me to replace it with whatever she takes her fancy to.. And knowing my step daughter, that will be expensive.

OP posts:
Gorionine · 15/04/2009 18:01

But, flightofhteeasterbunnyip, is OP not responsable for the said item as well as the friend she passed it on to? If anything, as she got the item from the "source" herself, she knew the owner would probably ask for a "maxed up refund" should the item get lost!

Gorionine · 15/04/2009 18:02

sorry, X-posted

Original poster
desperatedan · 15/04/2009 18:03

Yes, Gorionine.. You are right.

I do know that I'm at least 50% (if not more) to blame for this.

Trouble is, I never expected the item to be 'lost' (well, not that I wouldn't be able to claim from the repair shop, IYSWIM... as it is, I'm left needing to pay for a new item, but with little or no recourse to find out what's actually happened to it.

OP posts:
Gorionine · 15/04/2009 18:09

Can you text your friend, explain to her that you just need to know what actually happened to the item even if it is bad? Surely if she is a friend she will understand the position you are in and put you out of your misery.

Maybe ther is a simple explanation to why she is not responding to your calls? On holifday for the Easter periode maybe?

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 15/04/2009 18:19

I agree Gorionine, I was just fooling about

Good luck DD

whoingodsnameami · 15/04/2009 18:27

Tell your friend the owner of the jacket is aware you passed the jacket onto her to be fixed and that she is spitting feathers and threatening to involve the police.

blossomsmine · 15/04/2009 20:29

I don't really think you are responsible for passing it onto a friend who offered to help..... Ok, it might have been better in hindsight to have done it yourself, i ask my kids to do things for me then it goes wrong and i moan that i should have done it myself.

Obviously in this case it is abit more of an expensive mistake but nevertheless you didn't expect this to happen

I would go and see this 'friend' and once and for all ask for the jacket. If it isn't given to you I would ask for the ticket that se must have got from the repair shop, and of course the name/location of the shop. If that isn't given to you i would say right what is wrong here....you must tell me where it is. Tell her to be honest, if it has been lost/stolen/sold, you just need to know. I would camp out until she tells you.

Do it now!!!! (sending support and wish i could go with you)

independiente · 15/04/2009 20:32

YANBU at all! Hope you find a way around this dilemma. I really want to know what happens (v nosy).

tiggerlovestobounce · 15/04/2009 20:36

I like the suggestion of saying that the step daughter is about to contact the police.

Original poster
desperatedan · 15/04/2009 20:50

Well, I've tried texting and e-mailing again just now.

I do feel quite responsible for it, because I was certainly very grateful for the offer of help.

I'm not that bothered about coming clean about giving it to my friend... It was done in good faith and I had no reason to believe anything untoward would happen... but I have fudged the issue and kept saying 'it'll be back soon' (and, deep down, I'm still hoping against hope that it will happen!)

It's more the fact that I'll have to take my step daughter shopping and pay for the replacement - neither of which is an enticing thought, and I don't have much money of my own, so this will clear me out...

OP posts:
thederkinsdame · 15/04/2009 20:51

The bottom line is that you trusted soemone to do you a favour and they have let you down. that is not your fault. In the course of it she has lost or is being dishnoest about where the jacket is.

Here's what I would do (but bear in mind I am not known for my tact!) I think if you can you should catch her on the hop. Call in unannounced and say that as you haven't heard from her you have come over to pick the jacket up. Say X needs her jacket back today, you would like the name and address of the shop it's at and the repair ticket.

If she looks flustered, say that if she haven't taken it for repair, it must still be in the house please can she go and find it - you are happy to wait so you can get it back. If she doesn't have it and can't tell you where it is, I would want her to stump up at least half toards the replacement. It's unlikely to mean your friendship will continue, but to my mind she is being evasive and dishonest, and isn't behaving as a friend would.

alicet · 15/04/2009 20:54

I like the stepdaughter contacting the police suggestion too.

Do what blossomsmine has suggested and then if she doesn't give you either the jacket or the name of the repair shop then tell her you / step daughter will be reporting this to the police as theft. And do it.

Baconsarnie · 20/04/2009 21:39

DesperateDan, what happened? Did you get your stepdaughter's jacket back? Please update us!

StealthPolarBear · 20/04/2009 21:44

ooh yes please let us know what happened

TweetleBeetle · 20/04/2009 21:54

Please tell......

lottiejenkins · 24/04/2009 08:40

Bump...........whats happened?

littlelaura · 06/05/2009 09:26

very anxious to know