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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to still want another baby????

49 replies

Cazzaben · 15/04/2009 00:41

After my DS2 was born I was told that if I was to fall pregnant again the chances are that DC or me wouldn't survive...Although they will not sterilize me as im so young?!?!?!

I'm so unhappy that this decision has been taken away from me...

I sat in the gyne clinic today (for a check up that my coil is ok) and the waiting room is full of pregnant women...
I felt sooo rubbish being only 26 and not being able to have more babies...

Is it just me or AIBU???

OP posts:
JodieO · 15/04/2009 01:48

Regardless of whether you thought she was trying to help you that doesn't make a difference to whether she was or not and I believe that she was. If you look deeper into the comment I'd imagine she was saying that babies aren't all they're cracked up to be; ie they're hard work, tiring etc etc . So she wasn't trying to be hurtful, merely saying something in a less "fluffy" way.

You clearly do have a perception of her though
"I simply read a few of Custardos posts and spoke to her the way she speaks to people... "

So that contradicts that really....

Cazzaben · 15/04/2009 01:50

Thank you kitkat. I guess that is what bothers me the most, The fact that I cant decide for myself. Im sure that one day I'll get over it, I will go and speak to someone though...

OP posts:
Tortington · 15/04/2009 01:50

Cazza
"Calm down there custardo there's a good girl..."

Cazza, there really is no need for an unpleasant patronising tone. I apologised and you took that gracefully,until lauren came along.

"I simply implied that because you dislike babies soo much you felt the need to post on my thread a rather flippant comment based on your opinions..."

which i apologised for

"So my comment to you was yes either you must be jealous that for one I have children (i have no idea if you do or you dont) and you cant or you cant have any children..."

you you assume that i don't or can't have children and that is why i am jealous? i see. I thought you had understood that it was meant to be a lighthearted comment to make you smile, rather than a literal echo of a personal situation. in fact i was sure you understood that with your really nice response after i posted my apology.

"So either way you have set yourself up for a fall really... You make uncalled for remarks and expect people to agree??..."

No Cazzy, i apologised.

"Or would you prefer them to disagree..."

i would expect an apology to be taken with good grace. i thought you had taken it that way. your posts since Lauren have arrived with her comment after you [graciously] accepted my apology - have mystified me.

"Like I said just relax custardo... Be aware of others opinions... Theres a dear..."

Again a patronising tone, which is unwarrented.

I have been very aware of your opinions cazzy, which is why i apologised.

I don't care for Lauren taking the chance to have a pop - post apology, it was un necessary.

Tortington · 15/04/2009 01:54

"How can the comment

'YABU babies are horrible'

possibly help me??

It was a very frivolous remark and completely out of order...
I simply read a few of Custardos posts and spoke to her the way she speaks to people..."

i have apologised for the original comment.
I have since only spoken to you with good manners and courtesy.

I doubt whether you could possibly speak to people the way i do, becuase if i unintentionally offend someone and recognise that offence. i apologise.

Cazzaben · 15/04/2009 01:55

No if you re-read the post I saw her comment and then looked up her name and read a few posts that she has read to others. Your right I do NOW have a perception of her.

Dont be niave... Her comment wasn't meant to be helpful. As you can see I already have 2 children and I know that they aren't easy. That was not what my thread was about though...
Please JodieO if you have nothing constructive to say please do not keep posting about previous comments.
I wanted some advise. I did not want all of this...

Thank you to those who have posted thoughtful and helpful comments xx

OP posts:
LaurenIsMoreThanReadyToPop61 · 15/04/2009 01:59

cazza have they offered you any other support? cos its a big thing to deal with on your own..

LaurenIsMoreThanReadyToPop61 · 15/04/2009 01:59

they as in clinic/ hospital/ gp

Cazzaben · 15/04/2009 02:03

Well then custardo...

Your apology is accepted and your comments are forgotten... I apologise too for my jealousy comment...

Now we have cleared that up... I hope

OP posts:
JodieO · 15/04/2009 02:05

Sigh, I'm not naive at all.

I can see how upset you are over possibly not being able to have any more children, I do think a second opinion would be a good idea but make sure it's a good second opinion. Ask to be referred to someone good in the field, not just the next person on the list iyskim. You don't want someone to agree with you for the sake of it.

Tortington · 15/04/2009 02:06

thank you cassy

Cazzaben · 15/04/2009 02:06

No lauren none at all...

The consultant obviously felt a little sorry for me when I saw her today (i could tell in her voice) when she said 'oh I see you spent 3 months here with your last pregnancy'...

Still i've never been offered anything...x

OP posts:
LaurenIsMoreThanReadyToPop61 · 15/04/2009 02:09

i think you should ask about someone to talk to about it, might make you feel better, im pretty sure your entitled to it xx

Cazzaben · 15/04/2009 02:10

Yeah I agree JodieO... I dont want them to agree with me just because I have requested it... I appreciate your helpful comments...

It is upsetting not having the choice.

Custardo you are very welcome.

OP posts:
LaurenIsMoreThanReadyToPop61 · 15/04/2009 02:11

consultant being a woman is probably a good thing in this situation.. not being sexist!!! but you know what i mean?

Cazzaben · 15/04/2009 02:12

Well my plan is to make a sooner appt to see the consultant (my next one is July) and to request a second opinion. Also to ask for some sort of counselling... thanks everyonex

OP posts:
SOLOisMeredithGrey · 15/04/2009 03:23

My mum wanted 4 Dc's, but after my brother(Dc2), she was told the same thing as you OP and this was in the 60's. She stuck with the 2 of us and she's just counted her blessings that she has the two of us, as sad as it was to not get her four babies...

Heebiejeebie · 15/04/2009 07:48

Why does the gender of the consultant make a difference?

If they thought you were too young to be sterilised then you've been given really mixed messages. Seems very sensible to sit down with someone and go through the risks properly.

LaurenIsMoreThanReadyToPop61 · 15/04/2009 07:53

heebie - just with me personally i would rather talk to a female consultant regarding the situation as id expect her to be more understanding having the same functions as me, i think women can be more maternal and sensitive about that sort of thing, that probably comes across wrong im not at all sexist!! just what i would personally prefer

funkybuddah · 15/04/2009 07:58

YANBU, i know if i get pg again it will almost definatly result in weeks in hosp (away from the DC's and DH not earnign any money so very very broke) and big chance of a prem birth which may or may not go well, plus the risk of my own demise, yet i still want it, its a very tricky thing

Cazzaben · 16/04/2009 01:12

Thats exactly how I feel funky... Thats what will happen to me... either I will not survive and my baby will be prem...
Also chances are we both dont make it...

I'm glad its not just me who feels like that x

OP posts:
ThePellyandMe · 16/04/2009 01:36

It's hard but I've found it gets easier with time.

I had to have a radical hysterectomy when ds2 was 15 months old (I was 31) and TBH it took the best part of 3 years to come to terms with it and I still feel strange and sad about it sometimes. I'm alot better than I was though.

I had no choice about the surgery, I had cervical cancer and DS2 had been a nightmare baby and I was adamant it was no big deal, no more babies planned kind of thing. But having the choice taken away from you can be really hard to deal with.

Cazzaben · 16/04/2009 01:44

Oh thepellyandme... Thats really sad

I'm glad things are working out for you and that your coming to terms with it... xx

OP posts:
ThePellyandMe · 16/04/2009 03:04

Thanks Cazzaben. I'm fine now.

I hope everything works out for you

Cazzaben · 16/04/2009 23:42

Thanks...

Today is my DS2's first birthday... I feel soooo emotional I can't even begin to tell you!!!

I guess all the anxiety and fears and all sorts of emotions have come out today. My little baby is now a year old and this is the last 1st birthday I'll be celebrating with my babies...

Sorry to go on... Just feel like I need a chat now everyone has gone home...
x

OP posts:
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