Kittykat
I'm posting this about 4th hand - this was posts by another forumite on another site where I am a member - its not her story but the story of someone she knew froms another website...
The following story (lengthy though it is) might be of interest to you. It's from a lady on another board I read occasionally. It might give you some things to think about.
My initial feelings are that, as has been said, it would be wrong to mess around with the baby's name this far along, but, tbh, I thought about all the nicknames we call our children yet they don't seem to be phased by it (or if they are they're too young to say LOL).
Good luck, anyway.
...............
First things first, I have a wonderful announcement to make...as I write this, my new 8 week old daughter, Raegan Josephine, is sitting in a swing next to my desk. Thankfully she is happy and healthy and her mom loves her name.
Many of you may not know me because the fiasco I'll describe below happened almost two years ago. However, I feel as though I know many of you well although you don't know me. The reason is, while I was too embarassed to continue to post, I lurked every day until about 9 weeks ago. I haven't had the guts to share what's been going on with my Blair issue - it has been such a mess and I feel so stupid about it...but today is finally the day to get this all out. I'm just going to type...it will be long but for those who endure, perhaps it will be a bit of a change of pace from more "normal" naming issues.
So I have two things to tell you (1) about Raegan's name and (2) the Blair update. I'll just say I "knew" Raegan was Raegan before she was conceived, even with all the confusion about Blair. My DH is Gunther and a family name for him is Rainer...as a result, everyone in his family either has Ray or Rae as a middle name...he is Gunther Ray (Gunn Ray) so we went with Raegan (Ray Gunn) as a twist on his name and the family name. The Josephine is from my family name of Joe (GG grandpa Joe and mother Rebecca Joe). It was so natural and "right" from the beginning - what a wonderful, peaceful experience. It has been great to just have Raegan arrive and "be" Raegan from the moment I first held her. Such a change from my first experience and the only thing upsetting about the process is it has forced me to face the mess I created with Blair and long for the "peace" I have with Raegan.
Lastly, before I recap the situation below, please know that I am aware of the fact that I've been blessed with two beautiful, healthy baby girls and so many other do not have that privilege. I know that this seems like a ridiculous issue for some who would do anything to have "my problem". I feel guilty making this an issue but the reality is that it is and I can't spend the rest of my life beating myself up over it - it is real to me if that makes sense.
So, obviously I've been avoiding this so here goes....In December 2000 I gave birth to my first daughter. I had a terrible time coming up with a list of names (even with the help of boards). I wanted something strong and unique for my little girl. My husband and I loved growing up with the unusual names of Brooke and Gunther (although Brooke is trending now...it wasn't 33 years ago). I am very analytical and to do somehthing as subjective as selecting a name was impossible for me. I wanted to choose "the right" name and there is nothing right or wrong about the naming process. In hindsight, I realize the way for me to get to the "right" name is to have a reason for it. Thus, Raegan Josephine is a family name and that's that. If people don't like it I'm fine with it because it is the "right" name for us - I no longer worry that people's opinions will make me think I've done something wrong. In other words, I learned I had to have a "peg" to hang it on. However, I did not know that the first time and I made the mistake of discussing name options with everyone (something I did NOT do with Raegan - see, even dumb people learn from mistakes).
Okay, so back to the story, here I was a professional woman who had been married for 6 years having my first baby looking for the "right" name. I provide the background details because I realize I was confused and overwhelmed going through a process that was such a change to my "normal" life. We finally narrowed it to Merritt Elizabeth (which our families hated), Blair Elizabeth (not my husband's favorite) and Berit (or Barrett)Elizabeth (my husband's favorite). We were leaning toward Berit when I became worried that she would be teased about Bare-It. So finally in the hospital, knowing my family didn't like Merritt and worried Berit would be teased - I talked my hubby into Blair.
So we brought Blair home and then it happened. While I was listening to my husband comfort a crying Blair...I heard him saying "it's okay Blair" which became BLARE, BLARE, BLARE! Oh my gosh, I realized that while I avoided "Bare-It" I had not thought about BLARE as in a loud unpleasant noise. How could I have named her something so unappealing? So combine a little PPD, a crying baby, a lack of confidence in being a new mother and presto - a recipe for disaster. I went nuts over it, crying all the time. People said I just had the baby blues and that the name would become a non-issue, but it did not. Finally friends and family agreed that I should just change it but what to pick? I was so upset about picking the "wrong" name the first time, I could not fix it. Again, had I known then what I know now, I'd have come up with a "reason" for the name and moved on...but I didn't have that figured out yet.
So, with some help from the boards, I finally had a list. Most people were understanding but started to lose patience with the woman who could not name her daughter. Thankfully, Devon to the rescue! She provided some of the kindest most thoughtful (not to say knowledgeable) guidance I could have ever asked for off-line. She was wonderful and I remain ever grateful. So, we finally selected Skylar and baptised her Skylar Blair Elizabeth at about 8 months old...we had been "trying Skylar Blair" since she was about 5 months old. (For those interested, some final considerations were Kendall, Morgan, Bridget, Raegan, and Merritt). My priest had been wonderful as a person to consult with and he thought getting the baptism done would provide closure. While we tried other names she was often just "B" to me and her daddy - the letter "B" has meaning to me because of some significance to my family...I'm Brooke and my mom is Becky so it has always been "our" initial.
Now we had Skylar, we told everyone and I tried to move on. The problem was, it didn't fix anything. She was just never Skylar to me. We used Skye alot and I could see that on a little girl but was unsure how it would grow-up. It was so sad...I had forced everyone into my nightmare, they supported me, we added a name and now I wasn't happy. I kept my mouth shut and tried to let my "B" become Skylar. I called her Skylar Blair, Skylar Beth and Skylar B but she was never Skylar and it became more apparent each passing month. Just when I was finally going to say something, she would receive a little monogrammed gift or a card with her name on it and I'd feel so guilty. However, I never even sent out birth announcements or bought anything personalized for her room - what a mess.
Finally, my husband and daughter and I were at a horse show when she was 18 months and I just blurted it out. I told him I was so sorry but she was not Skylar and I did not know what to do. Thankfully he told me that he had always thought Skylar was bit trendy for us who had been looking for classic and unusual. Although Skye was okay he was not attached. However, he told me if she wasn't Skylar then she was Blair and that was that. So we did it, we just went back to calling her Blair. Although I still had issues with the name, it was so great having my "B" back - I felt more at peace and did not miss Skylar. She was Blair Elizabeth (for the record my middle name is Elizabeth) and we went back to calling her "B" and "Bia" as in Mia Bia. I had never made Skylar official on her birth record. I had signed and notorized it twice only to retrieve it from the mail moments before it was sent and on one occassion I had to call vital records to have it destroyed. I "knew" it wasn't right even when I didn't say anything.
Friends and family supported us although I know they thought (or think) I'm nuts. Blair didn't have a problem switching because she had so often been Skylar Blair and Skylar B. So I tried to move on but over the next few months I still had a problem. I began to "know" what her name should have been and that was (or is)...Berit. Remember I became pregnant with Raegan during this time and I finally discovered what a peaceful and happy process the naming process can be when you discover what you truly want to name your child. I realized Berit Elizabeth had been the perfect name for us and had I had the confidence back then that I do know, she'd have been Berit. It has the "B" I want, it is Scandinavian like her father Gunther, it is unusual and strong, it is also on Gunther's family tree. It is just naturally the right name and as I calmed down the Bare-It thing dissolved because I know all names can be made fun of but if you love something (and it is not horrible) you should go for it. So in a way I was finding the peace of discovering her true name and the horror that she was almost two when I did.
I just kept on "keeping on" until New Year's Eve when I finally told my husband that I truly believed she should have been Berit Blair Elizabeth or Berit Elizabeth when only two names were used. Although he was understandably sick of the topic he said he always loved Berit and if that would end this all he could officially name "B" Berit the next day. I was so surprised but since he was drinking at the party and a pregnant me was not...I dropped the subject. I was so happy in my heart but sure I could not make it happen - what would people think, my friends, family, co-workers, daycare, her nanny. I might become a joke and worse yet, I did not want my daughter to become a joke.
So I dropped it from discussion and focused on Raegan's arrival which was April 16th. Blair has been a great big sister and I really have it all. There is just the Berit issue that sits out there and has for almost a year and very strongly since January. While I know this is difficult to understand part of me says I must drop the Berit thing because "B" will be 2 1/2 in a few days. On the other hand, I finally "know" her name and it is Berit. It seems like 2 1/2 years is really such a small amount of time in our overall lives. We have so many happy times to share and her name will be a part of that forever. There will be preschool registration, school programs, high school graduation, wedding announcements....and so many times I'll say her name. She calls herself Blair but responds to B, Bia, Bear, and Berry (from Blair Bear). The Bear and Berry is almost like calling her Berit and I love it. They would remain her nicknames (as well as B and Bia). In a way it doesn't seem like much of a change at all. I finally asked her if I could call her Berit Blair and she said "sure fine". She has just "grown into" being a Berit. She is blonde, beautiful, strong-willed, funny and looks just like her Scandinavian father. Watching them together is so special.
So now I know you all have figured out where I'm going wi??th this...can I possibly have a Berit Blair Elizabeth??I know that it is now or never. I only have one week of maternity leave left and it is time for me to move on with our new life as a family. While it will seem completely impossibly crazy to many of you...I have discovred that worrying too much about what others will think instead of doing what I feel is right is largely what got me into this incredible mess. There will be people who tease us, neighbors and co-workers who will think we're nuts and so on...but in the big scheme of things, will I even know these people in 16 years when I'm sitting at "B's" graduation. Friends and family will either understand or the will not but eventually it would be over.
I think I would have considered doing this right after New Years but the logistics weighed me down. Blair was in daycare and I thought it would be such an issue there; her nanny (who is like a mother-in-law to me but LOVES my daughter) thinks even the change from Skylar to Blair was too much (although she liked Blair much better than Skye). Well, now Blair is not going back to daycare and a new (second part-time) nanny starts next week and I go back to work. It is now or never. I want a fresh start. I haven't sent out announcements for Raegan or put it in the paper because I keep thing big sister Blair Elizabeth is really big sister Berit Blair Elizabeth and what a nice and easy way to resolve the whole "name thing" for friends. I really believe what I do in the next two weeks will be "it".
I know many say I changed the name to Skylar and that did not help so how do I know Berit is the answer? All I can say is that I know. Just like I "knew" Raegan was right. I finally got my peace...it just took 2 years. There are no other names I'd consider. I can look at a list and say "those are nice names" but I no longer panic that they are the "right" names and I've selected wrong names. I am comfortable with Berit and I've enjoyed typing it so many times in this document. It "looks" right-I know that will make sense to some of you just like Skylar never "looked" like my daughter's name when I wrote it down. Berit is so close to Blair (just two letters off) and for the most part Blair has become "close" to being the right name, just not 100%. If I don't do this, she is Blair and I'll take comfort in the B and move on but I know I'll always think about Berit.
I'm sure if I do this it won't be easy, even Blair will have to adjust but I think I am justifying it in two ways. It is not THAT different in that it is still an unusual B name and her nicknames will remain the same. Also, I'm not changing her name, I'm just adding Berit so she'll be Berit Blair Elizabeth (last name like Rueben). It will certainly have a real "B" theme and people will either think it is cool or not but it will be there.